At Least I Totally Won THIS Argument

I'm revisiting the past again. But this time I am going back pre-blog and kind of why I started the blog. I was going through an older email account that I rarely use and found this in my sent box.
It's from April of 2009 and may explain why I needed an outlet. I was trying to raise Middlest. You see, Because no grounding could ever hold Biggest and Littlest was obnoxious and will argue her point to the death, but ultimately remain obedient,
 Middlest IS The Original Perpetually Grounded.

The following is an email sent to and replied to by a fifteen year old Middlest. It was during the Godforsaken Twilight heyday and she had a crush on a creepy little...creep...who liked to pretend he was a vampire and wrote her long, romantic, Gothic essays of love. I particularly liked the one where he forgot to change his old girlfriends name to hers in one paragraph. You know the type.

Anyway. I was amused when I found this and hope you will be too. And of course...

I Totally Win.

What is really so great about vampires? What can vampires do? Live forever and drink blood and what.......

Some of them are snappy dressers?

Vampires smell, kind of musty.  And they can't check the mirror to see if their hair is messy or if their makeup is on straight. They suck at making breakfast.

Why do vampires make bad love interests?

A night out is no fun. They are a waste of a good meal and money at a nice restaurant. They will just sit and stare at you while you eat, so you feel like you have something on your chin. 

Vampires can't dance, they have no heartbeat so they can't keep rhythm. 

They go see all the new movies while your sleeping and then tell you the endings.

They can't go to the zoo.

They won't help with yard work because they are afraid they might impale themselves on a rake handle.

When they kiss you goodnight they leave holes, so the next day you look like you have herpes.

You hear they were seen out with another chick and they tell you it "was just dinner". But can you be sure?

You can't have a long term relationship. You start to age, but they LOOOVE YOU so they really won't risk your soul, so they just start to stay out a little later.

Vampires can't 'love physically', they just look at you all mooney. And when you start to look like their mother they get all funky about it.

Vampires are fun to watch and read about. But living with one? All that vacuuming up the coffin dirt. Having to scrape all the bat crap off the garage floor when your parents are visiting. Trying to smile and repeat once again how much you LOVE blood pudding while you're at the butchers. Oh yeah, you have to quit shaving your legs cause if you nick yourself, you might be done for. You can't snuggle with a vampire, they are too cool for that, or is it cold? Well, either way.

Middlest:

why vampires totally beat lame human boys

Vampires don't change. If they really love you, you can coerce them into changing you. Vampires don't sweat. Vampires don't mind freaky obsessions with "myth" because, well, they are considered fantasy. Vampires don't get confused about their emotions. Also, vampires have probably read ALOT of books and lived during a ton of really cool historic events. No more history books! Vampires can help you cheat on your math test. Were said vampire to change you, you wouldn't fall down as much. If your vampire is wearing makeup, there might be a problem, and hey, men don't fix their hair anyways.

Oh, and vampires can't die so you're not always worrying when they pull stupid stunts or that some jerk is gonna shoot them. Vampires know more than your mom and can be perfectly silent and sneak into your room after the parents are asleep so you can spend hours talking to them about everything. Vampires will not always be "too old". Eventually you catch up. Also vampires have already lived their lives a thousand times over so they can really help with little problems.

Vampires don't have to sleep, so when its two a.m. and you're being trigger happy, you have SOMEONE to talk to you and make it better. Let's not forget vampires (possibly) can read you mind so you never have to explain those annoying little things that you just don't wanna explain.

Vampires can take you anywhere really fast, for that perfect romantic date.

Vampires give a different insight into the world that will be all together refreshing.

 

 

Yeah. I Totally Won. Except for the math test part. That's a good point. But,
"Vampires know more than your mother."?
Not if they live a million years darling.. even when the names and ages and what they claim to be change over time..not in a million years. Most definitely not in four : )

 

© 2013 All Rights Reserved by MOTPG

Maybe a Lemon Pledge Gift Basket?

We are once again on the topic of boys in my house. Now boyfriends have come and gone over the years at my house. Sometimes the same ones more than once. I don't usually consider people being dated a 'part of the family'. I don't think they need to be invited to every family function. I may wish them Happy Birthday but don't find more than that necessary. Last year I did get Mids boyfriend a small Christmas gift because he was going to be at our house on Christmas Eve when we open some gifts, so that was courtesy. Middlest broke up with him a few weeks ago, so, this year obviously a gift for him is not an issue. Um..the fact that he picked her up 5 minutes ago to go Christmas Shopping not withstanding...I don't get it..but..ok.....

Littlest has been dating her boyfriend over a year. I'm going to 'blog name' him Daisy. There's a legitimate reason for this moniker. I'm not making fun of him. Really ; ) He's a nice kid, though I find him sitting on my couch way too often when I wish to be on it myself.  Recently it was getting late and I wandered upstairs to find them on the couch and Lit appeared to be conked out. I asked him, "is she asleep?" he looked down and said, "yeah, she is." I said,"Go Home Daisy." he said, Okay, as soon as my show is over." ??? But in general he's alright and I don't really notice him much. He's kind of like a piece of furniture that I'm used to. The other day he walked in the living room and said, "You turned the light out on me." What? What was he talking about..and where did he come from anyway..? "You went in to use Littlests bathroom", he explained, "and when you came out you turned the light out on me. I was sitting at her desk using her computer." Oh. Sorry. Where the heck is Littlest anyway? I didn't even know she was home..but anyway..

 Yesterday I walked in my living room and found dirty socks sitting in the middle of the floor which is a huge problem at my house and a huge annoyance to me. Both girls are terrible about it and it drives me crazy.  So I immediately yelled out, Littlest! Are these your dirty socks or Middlests? If they're yours come get them right now, they smell! There was a moment of silence and then I heard a deep voice from the kitchen, "Um,  those are mine." He shuffled out to the living room and mumbled, "sorry..my feet got..um hot..so I took them off..."

Mmm Hmm..he obviously feels just like part of the family.

His family, on the other hand, ADORE Littlest. They include her in almost everything they do. His parents are divorced so that's two families claiming her as part of their own. When he has a performance they gather her up to sit with them. They have invited her to go on a traditional family camping trip they take the week before Christmas. She has become Just Like Family to them. His mother Had Her Included In His Senior Pictures. Seriously. WTH? But, if it makes them happy, ok...His Dad actually thanked Littlest for dating him one time. All we can figure is that they were relieved to find out he isn't gay...even if his girlfriend can beat him up...but anyway..

I suppose I  have to get him gift.  Last Christmas he did surprise me by presenting me with Guitar Hero games. And since I'm pretty much Sheldon when it comes to gift giving, I'll be scouting out Batman T shirts and Darth Vader mugs because he's pretty much Stuart.

And after all,
The boy's been around long enough that he's become Just Like Part of  the Furniture to me : )


© 2012 All Rights Reserved by MOTPG

They'll Be Begging to Go to Their Rooms

And my kids think I'm too tough?

Sometimes: My kids think I'm mean. They think my rules aren't fair. They think I'm unreasonable.

I  think I'm too easy on them much of the time.

Perhaps they would be a little more appreciative if they had a different parent.

Like the one in Singapore who found my blog by Googling:

"I want to cane my daughter and cut off all her hair"

This was the actual link to the search.

15 Jun

09:19:58 AM

www.google.com.sg

i want to cane my daughter and cut her hair really short #6

They must have been very disappointed to find a Moon Music post about general goofiness and my daughters cutting their hair against My Will. The only canes I'll be using are the kind you walk with, when I'm old and a haircut is more likely to make ME cry than it will them. Can I understand what might have prompted this reaction from a parent? Yes actually. I can. I'm hoping they got it out of their system with that Google search and moved on to a better solution.

I feel like the most Awesome Parent in the planet right now. I'll be making sure mine know about it.

Next time your kids are in trouble and tell you you're "mean or unfair:"
 Feel Free To Share This Post.

That'll fix the little buggers ; )
© 2012 All Rights Reserved by MOTPG

Keep The Sand Out Of Your Eyes

This is something I haven't addressed in quite a long time on this blog. If you have been around here a fairly long time you know that my oldest daughter began abusing alcohol and drugs when she was fourteen years old. No one was more surprised than us. We thought we had it covered. We learned there is no such thing. When it happened we had to accept that things were going wrong. We were up front and honest about it. People didn't know what to think. They preferred to avoid us. Avoid the situation. Avoid the truth. That's what this is about.

Earlier in the year I seemed to be assaulted by this topic in the media but I set it aside for awhile so I wouldn't be BWA (Blogging While Angry). We know how that goes ; ). The sequence of events led me to outraged outbursts at the newspaper and tv. They can't hear me. I'm going to measure this out as it came to me.

The PTA of my children's high school has been fundraising and spending money and time on a campaign to teach teenagers about the dangers of skin cancer and sun safety. They are building a roof over part of a patio area. A worthy cause. Sure it is. I agree. Nearly everyone in my family has had non melanoma skin cancer, I'm just waiting for mine to show up and,  as a responsible parent, have been loading my kids with sunscreen and teaching them why since they were babies. All the way back in 1987 I knew that kids should use sunscreen.

Here's the problem. The PTA of my children's school has been fundraising and spending money and time on a campaign to teach teenagers about the dangers of skin cancer and...

This is a problem I have with my community in general. Recently in the paper and on the news the following survey information was reported:

In a report that had tons of numbers and breakdowns but this is the main idea.
2010 State youth substance abuse survey for our county.

66.9 % of high school students have used alcohol or any elicit drug.

2012-01-25: Alcohol, tobacco and drug use among middle school students in ( My County) is down across the spectrum, while substance and drug abuse is up for high-schoolers living in the (Specific Area I live) communities, according to the second biennial Youth Risk Behavior Survey released today.

There is only one high school in that area. That would be the one that is lodging a huge campaign about using sunscreen. The one with the bar featured in the yearbook.

Many in my community, including parents,  turn a blind eye to partying. Last year Mids High School yearbook featured a local bar as a landmark. Did no one question this? No. That's the mentality around here.

Earlier this year, our local news reported on the death of a student from a nearby county who was attending college out of state.
He was 21 years old. The official cause of death:

"respiratory depression due to acute alcohol intoxication."

Everyone had nothing but praise for this young man. He was described as, "a role model and a leader."  He was an excellent student. An athlete. From what they had to say about him he had great promise for the future. He was a wonderful young man. I can't even begin to imagine the heartbreak of his parents.

His former high school principal was quoted. He said:

" everyone should focus on the life [he] lived, not how he died."

And that's the problem.

People should absolutely remember the good things about this young man. They should extol the virtues and promise he exhibited.

He should be held up as a role model for what can be accomplished.

But also for what can be lost.

 Many parents seem to think, my child does well in school, is involved in activities, has respectful friends. There is no way they are using drugs or alcohol.

I can almost hear the PTA parent from our high school now.

Where are you going?

Bobs brother is home from college and having a keg party at the pool. Don't worry. He said we can't have any.

Ok honey, have fun. But don't forget your sunscreen!


There is no such thing as over visiting this topic with our kids.

We battled it for 3 years with Biggest. Did what she saw prevent Middlest from bad decisions? No. Which is why during her high school years I caught her drinking once and stoned twice. Was I surprised? Yes. But the keyword here is 'caught' her. And talked. Again. About every horror imaginable from being impaired. That's 3 times compared to 3 years. Now, I trust Littlest implicitly. She cares about her health. She doesn't succumb to peer pressure. She says she doesn't get why people want to be impaired. She can't stand the smell of alcohol and nearly vomits if you merely breathe on her after communion. This Friday is her prom. No matter how tired I am, will I be sitting up waiting till 1 AM to see her in? Yes. I will.

One of the reasons I began this blog was to tell a truth. That even if you are a good parent things can go wrong.  There are wonderful young people who really do stay out of trouble. But even good kids sometimes make stupid decisions.  We can talk. We can teach. We can be role models. If we ignore it or deny it,  we are doing a disservice to our children. The hardest lesson we learned as parents was never to assume anything. Watch. Listen. Talk. Ask questions. Do focus on the irreparable harm that drugs and alcohol can cause. Doing these things WILL NOT give you a 100% Guarantee that nothing bad will happen. But pretending bad things would never happen and doing nothing could possibly guarantee they will.


© 2012 All Rights Reserved by MOTPG

P.S. I thought I would have today to catch up on blog reading, but now have to travel unexpectedly. I will answer comments when I get back and come by to visit asap. I'm very behind on some of your blogs and that drives me nuts!!

The Transaction

It was a long frigid winter two years ago.

I never saw it coming. We had standards and beliefs. Hadn’t we given her enough?

Outside it was a dreary damp afternoon. Ice cold rain had been drizzling for hours. Safe in our warm cozy home I heard a firm knock on the front door. I watched, curious, as my husband opened up for the unexpected visitor. Who would be out in this weather?

He looms tall and sinister in the doorway, rain dripping from his long black trench coat. The collar turned up to meet a wild halo of frizzy black hair and his face, thin and somber partially hidden behind dripping fogged glasses making his dark eyes impossible to read . A deep voice echoes in the hall. “Is Littlest here?” Hesitant, my husband draws back a few steps.

“Littlest”, he calls out uncertainly, “there’s….. someone… here.”

His voice trails off into silence that spills into the entryway and expands until broken by the rapid beat of our fourteen year old daughters’ footsteps above.

“Oh” I hear her say as she peers over the banister, “just a minute.”

I’m puzzled now. She didn’t mention anyone coming over. What is he doing here? What does he want? She deftly descends the stairs holding something in her hand and approaches the dark figure. Saying nothing he opens his trench coat and slowly reaches inside. I see my husband tense slightly  as the stranger pulls something from deep within an inner pocket. His hand emerges holding a square black box. There are wires springing from one end and wrapped around the outside. Our youngest child stops abruptly,  holding out a small paper bag at arms length. They cautiously and swiftly make the exchange without physical contact. He opens the bag and peers inside, nodding as though to confirm that it's all there and carefully tucks it into the recesses of the trench coat. “Thanks”, Littlest says quietly. The stranger dips his head in acknowledgement and turns away, disappearing into the mist.

My husband stands at the door confused.

“What was all that”,  he asks?

Littlest answered brightly. "That was H. He rides my bus. He doesn’t use his Game Cube anymore and said I could have it because he has an Xbox now, so I made him some cookies.

Oh yes. I did recognize the perfectly average boy I've seen get off the bus in the afternoon.

We are 'mean' parents. My daughters do not own a lot of fancy gadgets. They don't have an iPhone or Androids. Just plain cheap cell phones. The fact that they break or lose at least one a year confirms this decision.  Lit has an older model iPod that DecentGuy gave her but we will not purchase one. A perfectly reasonable MP3 player can be had for twenty five bucks. They each have a PC but they don't have laptops. Littlest did get a Nintendo ds as a birthday gift a couple years ago but the last full system we purchased was a PlayStation 2 and that will be it.  If they want something fancier they can save and buy it themselves someday. They had asked for a Game Cube for the sole purpose of playing ONE game on it. Even though they were already down in value we vetoed, saying it wasn't worth spending the money for one game and they had enough stuff anyway.

So yes it’s true.

Our poor deprived children resorted to Bartering With Baked Goods.



© 2012 All Rights Reserved by MOTPG

You Are What You...Are

Life With Littlest

She says:

"I don't want to 'be' an artist. It's Middlests' thing."

It is her sisters thing. But I tell her,  "Sometimes it's not a question of trying or becoming or even loving it more than anything else." Sometimes it's a case of :

You ARE

You can have fun with it if you want to.

You can even combine it with what you really love.

It doesn't have to be your life's work...BUT

"The simple fact is, You ARE Failing Art!"


How, you may ask, do you Fail Art?!

It goes something like this:

"I can't just do something every day because I'm supposed to. I don't know how the 'elements and principles played a part in the creation of my piece'. I can't analyze the deep meaning of my work. It's a picture. I did it. That's all."

I tell her: "Everything doesn't have to be a masterpiece. Just make an effort and write what you think they want to hear about it. It doesn't have to be perfect."

  "Yes it does."

MmmHmmm......

My normal response to Very Bad grades is:

Then you ARE Grounded.


What do you think, Moms and former High School students?

Should you ground or punish for failed electives? It may not be related to their goals in life but it all goes into the GPA.

If it doesn't change by report card time is she grounded?




© 2012 MOTPG All Rights Reserved

Lessons Learned

This week ended up being way more eventful than I planned so I haven't been around much after all.

Some unexpected work projects came up where my presence was required but that is a good thing because it means money and money is good. Other than that....

I may have mentioned before that I have been driving since I was 18 and have never been involved in a car accident. Not even a fender bender. Until Tuesday. Since it has been getting light later, I have been driving Littlest to school. Because my kids don't drive and possibly never will...anyway..I may have also mentioned HOW I have been driving them for twenty years. No, not in my pajama's. I get up and change from my pajamas into something much worse. Most recently that would be my cool weather uniform of faded yoga pants-with a hole, old green chenille sweater-with two holes, over giant t shirt (no bra), flip flops and hair that may or may not have been brushed. Every morning I pray that I don't get in a fender bender or get a flat and become a mockery on the side of the road. Does that stop me? No. I get up at 5:30 and leave the house at seven and the school is only 5 minutes away. Getting dressed for that is not worth the trouble. Particularly if I'm coming straight home to blog work at the house for a few hours. So. Tuesday Lit and I are approaching her school when "what the hell are you doing?!" a truck turned Right In Front Of Me! But I am an excellent driver and I stopped before I was eating airbag for breakfast. The lovely teenage driver behind me? Well she stopped in time too ( though later when I mentioned it was my first accident she cheerfully told me she had been in three!)  I had just started to move forward again, when the teacher behind her-slammed the the back end of her Mercedes with his ten year old Ford Ranger and I said, "Oh Lord that didn't sound good and then I said, "Are you serious?" Because, she was suddenly forced forward too and I was involved in an accident. We all pulled over and as far as I could see I had no damage. The Mercedes and Ranger were not looking as good. But I stayed anyway. I have never done this and we did get jolted pretty hard. I wasn't sure what to do. But by the time the cop came, I just told him what happened, said I was fine and asked if I could leave. Then I did.  Do you recall Middlest graduating in the spring? This was HER math teacher. End of Story.

 Oh Wait. Did I mention that it was one of the 1 out of every 500 times, in the past twenty years,  that I had to go to work directly after dropping kids off and was fully dressed?
There is a God.

In other news...

Middlest moved out two months ago and she's had a bit of a rough time. First, as soon as she moved out her manager at work cut her down to about 6 hours a week at work. This guy is a first class jerk in many ways and this was just the latest. So she had to find a second job. And she did. At a different sub shop. Which is when the jerk at the first place fired her for working at the second place. But the manager at the new job was understanding and they gave her a lot of hours. So she was doing ok.
Then. A few weeks ago we get a knock at the door. Surprise,  it was a detective! With photo's. Of our beautiful daughter with the most unsavory characters I have ever seen since Biggest was 15. Now it's been a long time since the police showed up concerning one of my children and the previous times I was the one who called them. I have only recently come to a place where I thought I could breathe easy. Can you feel the panic? Yeah. Me too. The detective wanted to question her about these fellas. Seems they had some questionable tattoo's that alerted someone in McDonald's to call the police. They were asked to leave the restaurant and Middlest Went With Them. They were walking down the road when they were stopped and questioned as to why they were in the area. Along with my child. They said they were just passing through and the police began keeping an eye on them. They lost track of them and they wanted to find out if Mid knew their whereabouts. What was my daughter doing associating with these people? She was being an idiot she was sketching them because she likes painting unusual or freaky looking people. These were not just unusual people.  This girl has no common sense. Thankfully, she hadn't seen them again. Biggest and DecentGuy were both Livid. Not only because they felt responsible for her but also because she was putting them in danger by treating these people as acceptable. I reminded Biggest that she has romanticized street figures in her stories and her sister does not have the experience to tell the difference between 'regular' street and criminal. They were about fed up with her at that point but were giving her another chance. At the time we had a talk with her about what would be expected if they told her to leave and she came home. Her Dad listed her responsibilities and the rules. He pointed out that she still would not have to pay rent but would have to supply her own snacks and personal supplies. Then for some reason he randomly threw in,
 "Except toilet paper. We buy it in bulk and we have plenty. So you don't have to provide your own TP."
In the end Middlest weighed the options. They were almost identical, the only differences being she paid rent with Biggest and we had an earlier weekend curfew. She decided to pay for the curfew and stay where she was. Common sense people. Seriously. I must have missed some kind of essential nutrient when I was pregnant with her. So anyway.

 A few days later Middlest called to chat on her way to work. She was in a good mood. She had just cashed her paycheck, gave Biggest her rent and was looking forward to going to the store after work to get some food because she was out. Of Food.  A few hours later at 7 PM I get a phone call.  All I hear is sobbing. Finally I am able to make out that it's Mid and she cries,

"I lost my wallet! It Had All Of My Money In It!"

What!!!?

 "I'm so hungry. I just wanted to get my food and I needed to get toilet paper! She burst into heavy sobs again. "I Dooon't haave aaannnny Toiiiiilet PaaaPerrrr!"

God has a sense of humor.

I finally got her to calm down. Then I told her, "I know that sucks honey and I'm sorry. You have to be super careful and not carry that much with you. The first thing you need to do is call the bank right away and tell them your debit card is gone before someone gets that money too." To which I received the answer, "There isn't any money in it." Yep. She cleaned out her account in two months. There wasn't a huge amount in it but there was more than enough to carry an emergency like this. So what did we do? Well the next day The SeaMonkey took her to the store and bought her some groceries- and toilet paper. Biggest gave her some of the rent money back so that she could ride the bus and have something extra in case she needed it. But she grumbled over it because Middlest had wasted her money on stuff like a new camera and unnecessary clothing items. I would remind her that Middlest did have to learn more about responsibility and appeared to be learning but just turned 18 two months ago and she shouldn't expect miracles. Over the past two weeks she has learned to live with no money and owing people on top of it.  Biggest continued to call me a million times to complain about how irresponsible she was. When I talked to Middlest I would get the other side of the story and find the most likely reality somewhere in the middle.

I finally have the answers to the questions I was wondering about not long ago. No. There is no money left in that account. Yes! She dumped the Douche (Who was 21 and wasn't going to college and also had no car, no job,  lived with his mother and was cheating on her). Some Good News. She likes the shift manager at her new job. Ok. She is actually dating the shift manager at her new job, (Who is 25 but has two jobs and goes to school too- !)  so I don't think she will get fired anytime soon.  She has learned a lot of hard lessons in a very short time. All lessons that she absolutely needed to learn and may not have if she hadn't been on her own.

Biggest called:  the other day and was on a tirade about Mid and how she was always off with her friends. I said as long as she was keeping up with what was asked of her I didn't think what she did with her time was Biggests business. But she still wasn't satisfied with how she kept up with things. Middlest had mentioned what Biggest considered, 'keeping up with things.' When she was finished I called Mid and asked if she wanted to visit me after work. I offered to pick her up and came up on her from behind in the car and noticed that she getting so skinny that her skinny jeans were loose. I brought her home and her dad and I had a little chat with her.

The night before last I was reading in bed and someone came scurrying into the room and sat on the steps to my bed and snuggled their head on my arm. I asked, "What's wrong?" The sniffling answer was,

 "Nothing, I just haven't been able to do this in a long time." Sniffle.

Ms. G, you know you baby that Mama's girl don't you?

Yeah. I know.

While Littlest found a whole lot of reasons to not miss Middlest she also realized she had no one to call in when she found something funny on YouTube, borrow boots from and worst of all- burst into song with.

I spent the first evening Mid was back doing something I missed: Being serenaded by an impromptu duet performance of various musical numbers from Cats, Disney and Avenue Q.

When Biggest came home and saw that Middlests' things were gone she cried.

Lessons learned.

I would like to go do my blog visiting now but I will have to catch up on my reading (AGAIN) later. My back is pretty sore and I could barely finish this. I think I need to go lay down with a heating pad.

But that's ok. I'm feeling thankful anyway.

© 2011 All Rights Reserved

Please Pass the Nitroglycerin

This morning my husband got up earlier than me and left to work on one of our projects. I woke up a little later and did my usual cup of tea and check my blog and looked at my company bills. I did a little straightening up. Littlest was awake and I had promised to take her school shopping. It seemed strange to not be shopping for both of them and I thought I'd ask Mid to come along just for old times sake. About 8:30 and I popped into her room and called out, "Do you want to go with us today?" Nothing. She Was Not There. It was possible we had missed crossing paths so I yelled out her name. Nothing. I checked the porch. Nothing. I went back in her room. Her comforter was draped over her desk chair. The last place I saw her was at her desk last night around 10:30. Her bag was open on her bed. Pens and crumpled papers littered her sheets. This was not unusual. But her wallet was on the floor. I opened it. There was no ID and no money. That was unusual. I called up to Lit. Have you seen your sister? No. When did you see her last? Last night. Lit asks, "Is her bike here?"  Good question. I run out to the shed in my pajama's, certain that it would be gone and that she had undertaken some foolish journey in the middle of the night. Recently she dropped her MP3 player after work and had tried to ride up to look for it at 12:30 at night. On that occasion Littlest put her in a headlock and when she made a break for it she followed her out and locked her in the shed. Sometimes it's nice to have Littlest around because I don't lose much sleep. But Mid wasn't 18 yet when that happened. We don't have the power to tell her what to do but I do expect the respect of letting me know where she is and if she won't be home if she is living here. We were both puzzled. I start calling her phone. No answer. Someone had to have picked her up. But who? Dial- No answer. Sometimes she likes to wander outside at night. I have asked her not to because it is so secluded and random strangers have a habit of parking and partying at the end of the road. What if some creep grabbed her? Dial-No answer. What if that new guy she just met and barely knows and that I think is a Total Loser picked her up and has done something to her? Dial-No answer. What if she was hit by a car? Dial-No answer.What if she slipped out to a late party? Dial-no answer. I'll kill her! How could she be so stupid! Dial-No answer. But what if she got wasted and violated and murdered or killed in a car accident? Dial- No answer. Oh God, she's 18 now! I can't even report her missing for 24 hours! Dial-No answer. I don't want to call my husband because he is working on an important project and I don't want to get him all upset if she's just at a friends or something and didn't leave a note. I'll kill her! Dial-No answer. But I will have to tell him if I don't find her soon because something might have happened to her. Dial-No answer. "Lit, hack her FaceBook, see if there are any clues. I'm going to check our cell phone website and see what numbers she has contacted." Dial-No answer. My heart is racing a thousand miles an hour and my mind is racing between panic and enraged. I'm not sure which to pick. Dial-Answer. "Hello?"  Enraged, ok that's the one. I said a lot of Really Bad words within my inquiry into where the bleepity bleeping bleep she was. She Laughed. SHE WHAT? She bleepity bleeping thought it was bleeping FUNNY? She laughed again. I hear a GUY laughing too. Hello Space Station? That strange reading you just picked up was my blood pressure! Oh, you DO think it's funny?!

"Yes. Dads laughing too. We just came out to the car and I told him I have 12 missed phone calls from you. You were pissed. "

You think?


Apparently it occurred to my husband that he could use a hand on this job today and she is old enough to work for us now and she needed to make more money. So. She was working for us. That way I didn't have to be on site today. Wasn't that nice.  And they both forgot to tell me.

They were both bleepity bleeping A#$holes

It doesn't matter how old they are. A certain day may make you a legal adult but it doesn't make you any less someones child. At least to your mom. I'm in this for life. Right up until the moment they finally kill me.



© 2011 All Rights Reserved

What's That Chiming Sound? I'm Busy Blogging....

I can be really bad about making appointments. I avoid the phone as much as possible and usually schedule  a certain amount of calls I can handle in a week. Nuts, I know, what else is new?

Anyway, about a  month  a couple weeks ago Middlest was complaining that her gums hurt and she thought a wisdom tooth was coming in. Ok. I need to call a dentist. Except the next day she said, "oh it's not hurting. I guess it went away." Ok. No rush. Then it came back. Then it went away.....Then it grew in. And was fine. Then the other one started so I know she needs to have them checked out. It is summer now.

Summer is a good time to get that stuff done and they were due for a check up anyway.
I would have to make the appointment. I'd ask, how is that tooth doing? "It's not bothering me right now." So no emergency but I will get to it.

 I have six email accounts, you know, one for each personality, and the one for my company  uses Outlook which has a nifty little calendar with reminders that chime and pop up a set amount ahead of time. So I set it to remind me to make the appointment. The problem is my regular schedule has not been regular and has been packed. Often with things that I knew were coming up but didn't have a lot of advance notice on exact dates so it was hard to know what I was doing when. Which makes it hard to schedule appointments.

The reminder also has a snooze feature so that when it pops up you can reset it to remind you again later. Yeah.

 So. I also have this nifty little sticky note feature on my desk top. I love it. I use it for things that are VERY IMPORTANT and  Absolutely Cannot Be Forgot or Put Off. Knowing I had to go out of town last week I remembered to leave myself this note for important things that had to be finished the day I came  back.


But yesterday when I came back it said this:

Which appears to be a combo of German and Reggae. I don't know.

Then....

and lastly

Ok. I Get The Message! Or most of it....anyway...

Then this morning I found some new ones.


Of course. Yesterday she 'is almost 18' and can make her own decisions. Today I'm Mommy.

This does prove that my theory about what this young lady will try to do to make a living
is correct. I quote myself from This Post last fall,

"Should she skip college and set up shop on a street corner? Will she have to hold up a sign saying,
Will paint you for food?"


Yes. It's true. She will be standing on a street corner selling her art.

She is Incredibly Undeniably Awesome. Truly. And I Raised Her!

I will collect my Mother of the Year Award right after I push the snooze button on this reminder make this telephone call.


© 2011 All Rights Reserved

100 Degrees and Counting

Wow. I almost thought I didn't really have any full moon incidents and as I was staring at my computer last night dumbfounded....

Biggest Called.

She said: You promise you won't yell.

I yelled. WHAT?

And then she told me a story.

Middlest who had just returned home and went straight to the shower had been standing outside a convenience store talking to an acquaintance. A young man she has know for a few years and who has mental issues and has been in trouble many times. She has been told, begged with, and ordered to avoid this person. His behaviour toward her has bordered on stalking from time to time but then seems to level off and she will (stupidly) speak to him because he is acting normal. Which he was doing last night until he suddenly grabbed her wrists and shoved her up against the wall of the building and pinned her there, made some profane comments and refused to let go until after she had struggled with him for several minutes and got her hand free long enough to strike at him and then ran and took off on her bike.

Following family tradition, with the police department right around the corner and a row of businesses to go in for help and a cell phone in her hand, she called:

Her Sister.

Who then called me because Mid was afraid to tell us because she thought we would be angry at her for talking to the boy to begin with. Which is of course insane. Please reiterate to your children. Always tell! And call 911 for Pete's sake. We taught her that as soon as she was old enough to dial a phone.

It brought up the question again of why Mid is our only child not to learn a martial art but she did attend a self defense class at our local police department a few years ago. She was so shocked and surprised by an unexpected attack from someone she knew, and was having a normal conversation with, that it all flew out the window. But, this guy has been known to do this kind of thing before. Where she made her mistake was assuming it would be ok because he had not acted that way with her. Yet.

So anyway, by that time Biggest was in action. Bat Girl went into full duty. When she told me they were driving around and she had her bat in the back of the truck I told her to get her Bat Behind to my house and knock it off. We were calling the police. Bat girl hasn't interacted with the local PD in a long time and I think she was a little let down when we told her to leave the room while Mid made her report instead of leading the investigation herself. But we made the report and I don't know if anything will come of it this time around but at least we have a start if we have another issue.

Middlest was scared to death. I've never seen her that shook up. I was very concerned about her being afraid we would be angry with Her because she was talking to the guy to begin with. Was it a bad decision? Yes. Does that matter? NO. My usual best parenting advice on this one. Talk. Talk. Talk. and then pray. That's about all you can do. Hopefully some of it will stick. Eventually.

Littlest's offer to take him apart because she is still underage and can get away with it wihtout getting in as much trouble was Declined.
But the thought was deeply appreciated.

The Legendary Bat Girl, Biggest turns 24 tomorrow which is always a week long celebration and this weekend we will celebrate the once very young and new daddy who came home from the hospital the night she was born to find our cat had kittens in the closet and fell asleep on the floor with his head among the shoes and gentle purrs of that mama and her babies because he could not be with us. Almost half a century ago. Biggest says next year she stops counting birthdays. I somehow don't think that will include not counting presents....; )



Other than that. Summer time is here. If you don't know how I feel about that yet, you soon will.
It has been an average of 96 to 100 degrees here the last couple weeks. I haven't Actually shriveled up and died yet but there is still time.  It's a little early for these temperatures,  even in my warm climate, so I am paying my dues for having a nice chilly winter to enjoy.

So we are having a hot, hazy, lazy summer. No plans. No details. Some funky moon to start us off last night. We will take this summer as it comes. Too hot to move. Too hot to even talk much. We escape as much as possible. We sleep late. We read. We listen to the crickets and cicadas harmonizing in the trees. Swinging on the porch swing. Daydreaming in the grass beneath the trees. Hide in the bushes with our baseball bats in case crazy people show up..Watching the sky change colors in slow motion. Rising...Purple..Pink...Golden...Blue...Gray...Green with the rage of rain in the afternoons of those lucky days... to Pink ..... Yellow.... Orange....Periwinkle....lasting forever before turning down to a milky black that never quite hits it's mark with only the stars and that Big Old Moon to swing and dream on.

We wait until dark to come alive on those endless days when there is No Rain.

© 2011 All Rights Reserved


 
MOON MUSIC

ch ch ch Changes....

Overheard in the kitchen

Mid: If I ever have a shed I'm so gonna paint it blue.

Lit: I know, right.

Now I admit for a few moments I was puzzled. Then it dawned on me.
100 wizard of weirdness points for an explanation.
There is a hint later in this post.

Yesterday morning when I woke up Lit I was confused because her entire room had been changed around. And her light bulbs were missing. So I turned on her bathroom light which started the fan. A little while later I went to make sure she was up and heard her in the bathroom so I moved on. At 6:45 I gave her a warning knock and called out that it was getting late. At 6:55, which is when we leave for the bus stop, I opened her door and she was in the shower. I freaked and called out, "what are you doing? It's time to go!" She said, "What! you just woke me up a few minutes ago." So I had to make the 45 minute drive to her school.  Now, she did not wake up properly because the lamp next to her bed was not turned on. Being half asleep myself, I forgot about the bathroom light/fan and thought I heard her in the bathroom. Then I learned that, though I slept through it myself, she was changing her room around at midnight and crashing things around which woke up her Dad who gave her two warnings to go to bed before he took her light bulbs away. So....

Whose fault is it that she missed her bus?

We noticed our cable bill was OUTRAGEOUS and decided to cut back some. Now I don't watch TV a whole lot but after the change I realized I won't be watching it much at all because I lost almost everything I actually watch. TCM; IFC; ID; Science Ch and LOGO....which means my beloved Buffy is no more.....
I still have History International so this was not as bad for me as it was for Littlest who nearly curled into a ball and died because she lost...
the Military Channel and BBC America.....uh oh.....Luckily we didn't have to call 911 because I grabbed the remote and feverishly flipped to On Demand and Thank God....Dr. Who was there...at least for now. Not so the Military Channel so I think she compensated for that by telling me that she is seriously considering joining the Marines after high school.....I guess if you don't have good cable real life is the next best thing.... And hey, oh joy. somehow, we still get Smoking Gun's Worlds Dumbest.. and MTV....

Speaking of cable and changes.
Biggest and DecentGuy are on a very tight budget so they have the most basic cable of all. As a result these two, who listen to bands like, The Adicts and watch movies like Zombie Strippers, have become addicted to......
OPRAH.
Both Of Them.
Now I spent some time watching Oprah back in 1987 when I didn't have cable at all and she came on right at nursing time for this particular child but over the years I lost track of it, what with having choices like History Detectives and Buffy of course. Now she calls me several times a week to ask, "Did you watch Oprah?"  To which I usually say no but it doesn't matter if I missed it because I'm getting ready to hear the entire episode. The last time they were over she was describing a show and DecentGuy said, "oh yeah, that was a good one and started to talk about it to. ?. She even cried when she watched the Tribute show with Naomi and Wynonna Judd singing along to still photo's, which by chance I did happen to catch because I was flipping through channels and was mesmermized by Wynonna's face which always fascinates me because I think she's a robot.........huh....oh...i'm back. I find it hysterical that these two Former Rebels were enthralled with Oprah and Gails camping trip. They really like Gail by the way. They think she's cool.

Anyway,

Recently I wrote about my parenting rules and Middlest's boyfriend who I felt was too old for her but he was alright and I was starting to resign myself to him even though I thought she was resigning herself to him too and then she dumped him. What happy dance? Am not....anyway. Now that she has 5 whole months of high school left she has finally found some friends who aren't creepy and is dating someone she has known since 3rd grade that she has a lot in common with and she is having a wonderful time being a regular teenager. Which means that she stopped coming home at 9: 30 like she did when dating the older guy and now calls me at ten to eleven every weekend and asks if she can stay out later. She is doing her school work..mostly...she is working...she seems to be truly happy for the first time since she started high school...and it's almost over. But I think she has turned a page. She is becoming stronger and more confident in some ways. Interesting to see what other changes this year will bring. Maybe she will even start picking her underwear up off the bathroom floor.

Littlest is in the midst of a serious decision. She goes to an award winning high school that you must audition for. She loves being a part of the creative writing department there and the prestige and opportunities being one of their students gives her. At the same time she has decided that in general she doesn't really love the school any more. She doesn't have friends there that she feel closely connected to. She is tired...very tired...of the rigorous curriculum and amount of time it takes to be a part of the school. It is a huge commitment. A couple weeks ago she refused to get out of bed one morning. She had writing assignments that weren't finished and she was having a meltdown. She said she loves to write but sometimes she "just can't." I think many of us could identify with that. She can't take the pressure of being required to create for a grade. She refuses to do sub-standard just to get by. All of her grades are falling. I let Mid leave this school after 9th grade because she was not committed. She was wasting their time. Littlest has been committed and worked really hard. She doesn't want to anymore. She says she has no life. That she doesn't think she's going to be a writer. She wants to join the Marines and be a psychologist. In the middle of all this one of her pieces was chosen to be in a reading performance that the department does once each quarter. It it isn't easy to get in. Some kids never do. I wondered if this was a sign. A message to her to hang in there. By coincidence Peryl at Parenting Ad Absurdum  just did a post called Daughters of Mothers Who Roar relating to this article -Why Chinese Mothers Are Superior by Amy Chua.... about pushing our kids. Whether we are hard enough on them.  Sometimes I Roar for a few minutes but then my throat gets raw and I just make a cup of tea and read a book instead. Part of me wants to tell her not to blow this gift she was lucky enough to live near. Stick it out and do what you need to do! Why would you throw away this opportunity that many kids would give anything for? Are you crazy? Well, maybe. When she is crying and having meltdowns and her grades are all falling and she is re arranging her room in the middle of the night because she can't rest. I decided to let her make the decision on her own. I'd be lying if I said I would miss dealing with her frustration and the long hours. I also know this. The school requires you to devote yourself to an art area. Like her sister, Littlest can draw. She also has a unique and lovely singing voice and is interested in musical theatre. At our local high school she can try all of these things. Not in a state of the art award winning facility but decently all the same.

What would you suggest as a parent? Insist she get up, get over it and work? Or, it's been 5 years of this. No harm in two years of regular high school to round her out? Don't be afraid to answer a life altering question for a teenager. Apparently one mom isn't enough. She said to ask for input. The decision she makes will be entirely her own .....Believe Me!


Other than that things around her are about the same. This week they all have PMS. Everyone has cried at least once. But this morning when they came in the kitchen they did some Ninja poses followed by a full scale song and dance performance of Little Bunny Fu Fu, hugged each other violently as a grand finale and still made it out the door on time. So as I look around I realize, Ah, of course.



Moon Music





© 2010 All Rights Reserved

Breaking My Own Parenting Rules

One Kid At A Time.

I've heard more than once that parents tend to get more lenient with successive children. Why is that and is it true? I have to say it was true of my parents. Then again I was the last of 5 and 9 years later. Not to mention I followed two boys. But was that the reason?

I tend to think my parents just got tired.

But I do believe that you have to take the individual child into consideration.

When we started out we were strict parents. Really Strict. Our oldest taught us that you can be strict all you want but that doesn't mean anyone is going to listen to or obey you. What did we do when it came to the next one? We relaxed. A Little Bit. Just a little. For instance giving them a little more personal freedom to get themselves around town at a younger age. Riding bikes to the library and nearby places the kids hang out.
This was at 13 for Mid.
Lit could go with her at 11. So when Lit hit 12 and Mid didn't want to go somewhere we heard a whole lot of complaining...from both of them. Sooo, we let Littlest go on her own.

 How did relaxing things work? Well. It didn't stop Mid from making stupid decisions. Once. Twice on a couple of things. But she straightened up -or shut up and flies under the radar really well. I have highly advanced "Mamadar" as I call it.  Middlest is not very ambitious. Having made a couple of stands I think she realized that partying and sneaking out takes a lot of effort. Now that she has realized the full extent of freedom you can reach as a minor in our home she doesn't do much. Her curfew has been eleven since she turned 17. Most of the time she turns up between 9:30 and 10.  I figured I would up it to 12 after the first of the year because she was heading to graduation and 18 next year. I'm not sure if it's even worth it because she rarely stays up that late.

Where my real laying down of my arms comes in is with Littlest. Not only is she the biggest pain in the butt when she wants something she also has the most common sense.  As younger siblings always do she points out that her sister having a privilege she does not is "not fair." The problem with that is that it is fair. To which she will point out that "I never cause any trouble. I never do anything wrong." Then she will list Everything her sisters have done as an example. She is right about that. The fact is I have let her do multiple things earlier than I allowed her sisters to. Littlest Rarely gets grounded. She is destroying my blog rep. (Note to Lit: That does not mean have at it.)

These were some of our basic rules:

No online social networking until 14
No riding in cars with teen drivers until 15
No car dating until 16
No dating out of you age range- we figured 1, possibly 2 years was fair.
Curfew was 10 P.M. at age 15
10:30P.M. at 16 and 11P.M. at 17.

Now Biggest of course doesn't even count. The basic rule in her teen years turned into "if you come in screwed up and start tearing up the house and threatening us we are calling the cops."

The social networking went out the window when Mid was 13 and Lit 11 because I caught them with My Space accounts that they were using at the library. I noticed they suddenly spent much longer there and did a search. Sure enough. They were in trouble but we discussed it and realized it was safer to have it under our control by being aware of what was going on.

Middlest made some bad decisions a couple of times her sophomore year. She fell in with a bad crowd and I was amazed that another of my kids was messing up though it wasn't even on the same planet compared to her sister. After Biggest anything they come up with seems like an anticlimax to say the least.
 The source of the trouble with mid? The boys she was dating. Now she was 15. She could have boyfriends her age but the environment had to be supervised. So what happened? Well the boys her age that she chose were the kind that think they are sneaky. The kind who have older people ( Moms, can you believe it) willing to drive and pick up young ladies that are sneaking out in the middle of the night. They didn't know they were dealing with an expert. So while Middlest spent most of sophomore year being grounded for grades and being stupid,  I think with her it got old quick. Living on the street or hiding in flop houses doesn't sound as fun to un-ambitious young people. Then when she was almost16 she met a new boy. He seemed pretty nice. A decent enough kid.
Who was getting ready to turn 19 freakin years old. But you know what? I was getting a little tired. We said, ok. On a trial basis.
If he is willing to put up with your tight rules we will see what happens. Fourteen months later he is still around, though I did joke with her when he turned 20 last summer a few weeks before she turned 17 that he was now too old for her and they had to break up until her birthday. The verdict? He is very respectful of her. She has not been in trouble once. She is always home on time or earlier and there have not been any signs of being impaired. Her grades? Well that should be obvious but this year I stop grounding her for them. She is nearly an adult. If she doesn't keep up it is only herself and her future she is hurting. She is old enough to understand that.

Now I did recently find she was committing what I guess would be a mid-line infraction. I'm getting a little tired. I wrote a note that said,
"you have been busted, quit being a dumbass". The End.
She is almost grown up and that is about how much power I have over some of her choices.

Now, where was I going with this? Oh yeah,

Littlest.

Littlest goes to a school that takes up her weekday from 7 am to 4:30 pm. It is 45 minutes away and the kids come from all over our city. The result is that she has very little social life both because of time and also because most of her friends live miles away. There are some parents who are willing and able to spend Every weekend driving around all day for their kids social engagements but we are not among them. Special occasions, of course. Driving and hour both ways to play video games? Um, No. This has resulted in yes, allowing her to ride in cars with teen drivers on a few occasions. Including an hour long ride to visit a Con which also resulted in a slight extension of curfew because the drive was so long. Which made Middlest really mad but whatever.

Then there is dating. Now Lit has liked someone for a very long time but that is going nowhere. She hasn't had a "boyfriend" since about 7th grade which is when she grew out of the like somebody new every week stage of her friends. The problem with Lit is that she is one of those girls whose age is hard to determine. She is conservative with make-up and dresses well. Though she can be a complete goofball, when she first meets people her demeanor tends to be rather serious and mature for her age. She is a cute girl but she isn't the flirtatious type. This tends to make her seem older than she is. While boys her age seem intimidated by her  she has had college age boys drawn towards her since she was around 13, simply because she does not act like she is trying to get their attention. There have been a few embarrassed young men who assumed she was closer to Middlest's age. Last summer, at a club she attends, Littlest met Spike.
Or a reasonable facsimile of.

Spike liked Littlest. And Littlest liked Spike.
What she didn't realize at first was that he was 18.

She was almost 15 but to me 18 or 800 it's all the same. That would be a NO.

But Littlest had already said she would go out with him. Um, what?  You are not allowed to date a boy that old. Knowing teenage girls like the back of my hand I considered the possibility of her sneaking to meet. But this was Littlest. She is a different breed. Now considering what happened with Mid and the fact that forbidden makes the heart grow fonder I told her he was welcome to come to our house and visit with her any time. And that was it. He came a couple times. Then the poor kid starting asking her to go do stuff. She just kept putting him off. I watched for signs of sneaky. I got nothing. The fact was she wasn't ready for a relationship with someone that much older than herself and being an unusually astute girl she realized this herself. She wormed her way out of the situation. She said she got caught up in someone liking her and quickly realized it was a mistake. She wasn't comfortable with a boy that old. She caught her own mistake.

Now report cards were not so beautiful last time around but not a disaster so I let it go.

We just had progress reports though and for the first time Ever Littlest grades are lower than her sisters.
I'm not sure why. Maybe it's because she made it through 9th grade without causing any trouble and decided to relax a little. Maybe she was hoping for a featured post on my blog. She says it's just hard and she's tired. Yet she refuses to go to Middlest's high school which take off substantial pressure.

All I said was "You need to get these grades up." And that's all I'm going to say.

Because I'm tired.

But I'm resting up for report cards.


© 2010 All Rights Reserved

Life In A Box

 

The other night we were sitting around the dinner table and having a discussion about whether college keeps you "in the box" and whether not going may encourage more creative thinking "outside the box" and lead to creation of ideas rather than insertion of ideas. I do want my kids to go to college for the experience and for the opportunities it can point them towards. I want them to be exposed to many ideas as long as they don't lose sight of their own. We discussed examples of people who became successful without a college degree, often by thinking outside the box and also the merits of making the box work for you without sacrificing your integrity or individualism and also the financial aspects when making a choice for, or against college. There is a very interesting article about that here washingtonpost.com .

What is best? Our school systems are "in a box" for the most part due to necessity. Funds and manpower can only be stretched so far. There are programs in some places that offer more individualized learning but they are not the norm. Should we all just sit quietly listening to the same tune over and over, then all pop up at the same time like Jacks in a box? Like a perfectly reproduced pop tart? In order to keep things functioning and compete in the world shouldn't everyone be prepared in the same way? Or should we all follow only a course that feels natural to us? That brings us fulfillment. What would happen to the world? To commerce? To service and government? What if we all decided to become ballet dancers? I have mixed feelings about this. I think it is really important to nurture natural gifts and talents and offer opportunities to those who wish to become skilled no matter what their area of interest. At the same time I worry very much about my children being able to compete for plain old survival in the real world.

My kids were in a gifted program through elementary school that was a part time, two day a week creative thinking/experimental environment type of class. In middle school the gifted program switched to merely an academic performance machine. Ready to turn out highly efficient workers that would proceed to Advanced Placement courses in high school and be college bound and credited before graduation.  One of Middlest life long friends just skipped his senior year. It is cutthroat to get in state college. My girls aren't cutthroat kind of people. Well except Biggest if you make her mad enough but..beside the point.

When Biggest was a child she felt secure in this box. She liked knowing what was expected of her and enjoyed the challenge of "measuring up". She never came out of that box unless she was sure the song was complete and she would shine in the light. She conscientiously strove to meet or beat the criteria and come out on top. She thrived in a systematic learning environment until she died in it. When she couldn't meet her own expectations. When she began to be suffocated in the box she busted out with a bazooka. Unfortunately she blasted a hole in the bottom and fell into a black box. Full of monsters. When we reached in to pull her out she slapped our hands away. She had to bounce off the walls and fight her way through it herself. She found the ladder and came out battered, bruised and behind, but alive. She is just now awakening completely to the possibilities she may have by-passed. She has been outside the box for a long time and quite honestly has done well for herself but with great self awareness she is ready to face it again with the strength to use it to her advantage and not be used up by it.

I think Middlest was conceived outside the box like an ectopic pregnancy on the womb of standardized learning. She has been doing her own thing since day one. She is more like a Jack who escaped on it's spring and bounces from one wall to another constantly springing in a new direction. When she wants to learn she immerses herself and then moves on and has no interest in repeating herself. Year after year I have the same reports. When she does her work she does great work. The problem has always been that she is reading, writing or drawing instead of doing her work. She only does what she wants to do. She is inflexible. Common sense would say that this child could breeze her way to a teaching degree specializing in reading. The experts say that this is a highly needed profession and a good choice for the future. She wants to be an artist. She is very good. Will her creativity feed her? It's hard to say. Will college allow her creativity to flourish or stifle it? Will she be splashed across galleries someday or  in a box designing a shoe box so that she can eat? Will it make her legitimate?  Should she skip college and set up shop on a street corner? Will she have to hold up a sign saying, "Will paint you for food?" Littlest could stand next to her with one that says, "Will insult you for food."
I seriously don't know. And at this point, if she doesn't pray for the gift to speak in tongues, Middlest may be in danger of not graduating in time because of German. Who does that happen to? Why did she even take German, which would come in handy to be a Lutheran  minister ( We are LCMS so only men allowed), an opera singer ( she can't carry a tune) or maybe work at Epcot? Though she once expressed an interest in working at Disney- as a Disney Princess. The kind that only ride the floats and waves so that singing wasn't required....anyway...so why German instead of Spanish or French like 98% of her class. Well, because Spanish and French are taken by 98% of the class...and ...well...there you go....

So far Littlest has been the one best able to balance. She can climb in and out of the box at will. When the tune finishes what pops out depends on what the tune was. When necessary she is diligent about conforming to expected standards. She likes to know the rules so that she can follow them to the letter. She wants everything pointed out in minute detail so that she does not vary from the correct course. She does not like it. She finds it boring and pointless and complains about it endlessly but she does it. At the same time, when it comes to her free time and personal thought she not only gets outside the box, she twists the lines to the extreme. She is more "out there" than any of us which in some ways makes her the most "well rounded".

Which is why when we were talking about "the box" she stayed relatively quiet while the SeaMonkey discussed the truth that higher education is not always requisite to success and  Middlest espoused the benefits of going against the grain until a pause in the conversation left Littlest the opportunity to cheerfully pipe up in a moment of silence with

"I Think Inside The Circle"

Exactly.

Whereupon our intellectual conversation culminated with Middlest snorting milk out her nose.

So, I don't know. I want my kids to be able to thrive in the modern world and be self sufficient. But I want them to pop up to a tune they composed themselves.

Is this even possible?
Should schools strive to accommodate a variety of learning styles?
Or is it more important to be disciplined and 'standards' based  to compete on a global scale?
Are some people more cut out to work their way up than learn their way out?

Or will my daughters end up in a creatively decorated Cardboard Box?


© 2010 All Rights Reserved

Doing Some Pre -Shopping Shopping

Before I begin you may be asking, Ms. G. What's up with all the picture posts lately? Have you been short on free time? Have you been distracted by business and family matters? Did you just figure out how to upload the photo's from the camera on to the computer without Middlest helping you?
The answer to all of the above would be yes. So here is yet another picture post.

Now though I have been trying to avoid it and have put it off multiple times, (with valid excuses like "I haven't done my toe nail polish and "not today there is a Buffy the Vampire Slayer Marathon on") The fact is the weather has finally done a downward turn and the girls are shivering to school in tank tops and a hoodie with a broken zipper. Plus, I finally wracked up enough credit card points for a cash gift certificate and that means it is time to go shopping...again.

Now some of you may ask, Why, Oh why Ms. G. do you put yourself through this? Why do you subject yourself to this punishment? Besides slipping in a little something for yourself since it's free money. Those girls are in high school. Why don't you give them the money and let them shop for themselves, the little heathens?

Well, there is a very good reason. Left to their own devices they make some God Awful interesting purchases. For example:


The last time Littlest left the house with her own money burning a hole in her pocket she came home with

THIS HAT

Cute? Yes. Warm or Useful? No.

And
Last week Middlest was out shopping with her boyfriend and they decided to go to Goodwill and she came home with

THESE BOOTS.

Warm? Yes. Absolutely Authentic? Yes. And...and....yeah, my daughter wears Army Boots....Anyway...

As I was saying. If the money is coming out of my wallet...or my free credit card points....the shopping is going to be supervised.

If you have been around here for awhile you may be familiar with the fun filled shopping trips I take with my daughters. Awhile back we went on our World Famous (with Internet creepers) Bra Shopping Trip.

And then there was Our Most Recent Shopping Trip which was a very emotional and colorful experience. (especially in the language department)  

Now due to my last shopping experience with the girls, I have decided to be prepared and this morning I did  some pre-shopping shopping. We have a four day weekend and on Thursday I will be ready to hit the stores with my 15 and 17 year old daughters well prepared because I have purchased supplies.



For Middlest





For Littlest

  And most important of all....


 For Myself



Let the shopping begin! 

 © 2010 All Rights Reserved
 

Reaping The Harvest Moon

I posted my moon music early because my family started celebrating the full moon last week. They have been crying for 10 days straight. Sometimes taking turns. Sometimes in groups. Reaching their peak on Monday, which is when all of them cried. By 8:30 am I was picking up two daughters. One who walked out on her job and the other from school. At the end of the day Littlest came home and said "oh, I cried today too. But they're used to me at my school." What are they crying about? Let's see.

Biggest: Just can't stop crying. She said everything was making her cry. She left work early twice last week and on Monday she walked in to work and noticed her schedule had changed and became hysterical. She doesn't really know why. Maybe it's because she's reached the ripe old age of 23 and hasn't been to Africa yet. This has been a dream of hers since she was around 9 and wanted to be Jane Goodall when she grew up.  Luckily her employers are the kindest, most understanding people I can imagine and they love her. They said come back when you're ok. They are awesome.

Littlest: Is over stressed at her school. She says she started crying because she had to write an essay on a life changing event and she just couldn't think of anything to write. Obliviously she hasn't been to Africa either.  Her day begins at 5:30 am. She is on a bus at 7. She steps off the bus at 4:30 in the afternoon. She has 5 core courses and 3 intensive writing courses that expect written work at the same time. She hysterically told me that the school was killing her and she just couldn't do it. I said, "You can leave. It's ok. Your sister left and you can go to the same school as her." But No. She refuses to go to the regular high school because it "sucks". She hates the people that go there. So apparently there is no solution. Why does she hate the idea of that school so much? Here's why.

Middlest: Cried because the dog ripped a hole in her jeans and because she tried to get a water out of the machine at school and got an orange juice instead. She cried because like every year she was anxious for school to start. She was ready to start fresh and she didn't even have to go to Africa. She bought brightly colored pretty clothes. She had a very positive attitude.

Middlest tends to be a target. It doesn't make much sense. I'm going to be straight up about the things kids pick on each other for. She looks like an average teen girl. I think she is an attractive girl. She wears decent clothes and nothing that stands out for attention. She is very smart but not at all a geeky I love my A's type. She is very talented, but humble about it and acknowledges and admires students who are more skilled than herself. What is it? Possibly this.
She is willing to be herself and that person is not afraid to be goofy. She is not embarrassed to be herself even when she is breaking out, or wearing her glasses, or feels like singing out of tune out loud or dancing in the rain in the school courtyard. She does not conform to the mold." And that is unforgivable. I don't know why she let's them intimidate her but they do.
Last week it was time for school clubs to begin. Middlest has avoided the clubs because she never felt comfortable with the kids in them. This year they started a club that is based on Challenge Day. Check the link if you aren't familiar with it. It's about trying to teach teens to be more understanding of each others differences. Build a bridge so to speak. You don't have to cross it but at least respect it. Middlest has always thought Challenge Day was kind of cool and she thought she would check out the club and that it would be interesting to help organize the event this year. When she came home I asked her how it went.

"I didn't go to that one"

"Why not, I think you would be good at it?"

"I looked in the door and it was all the people who have been picking on me and making my life miserable for the past two years."

"Well, that seems like people who need to be involved with it. You should go and give it a chance. Isn't that the whole purpose?"

" I don't want to be around them. They are all the girls who don't like me. They talk about me and make fun of me"

"If they are there maybe they are growing up a little bit and are making changes in their lives. Wouldn't this be the perfect opportunity to fix this problem and maybe make some new friends?"

"They don't really care about it Mom. They are only there because it looks good on their college apps."

Yes. I see. I feel a little bit like crying too.

P.S. I am completely aware that this post is rambling and kind of pointless but I am under a busy schedule and big work load right now with about 5 minutes of free time each day. Between that and navigating the puddles from the meltdowns, I simply needed a vent.

This post has been edited. If the early comments seem strange it is because I posted a photo of Middlest with the question "can you see the target painted on this girl?" for a few hours but didn't want to leave it up very long as it breaks my blogging rules. I just couldn't resist the temptation ; )

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