She Said What?

That is the question that has most represented life with Littlest.

Since October is the month I originally began my blog and I'm lazy tired busy burnt out I thought it might be fun to look back a do a re-post from my earliest days and tell a story that No One Read, because I hadn't found any blog friends yet- I was so thrilled when I found Nicole at Help Mama Remote and she had a teenager too-even though her daughter wasn't grounded, and she returned my visit on Halloween becoming my first Blog Friend : )! At this time I think I was a better blogger. I was more tight, concise, and to the point. Why? Because no one knew about it in real life either and trying to do something privately at my house takes great powers of speed and precision.
 They still found out about it because they are just that nosy stealthy important in my life and I want to share everything with them.

But anyway, it's a back in time both on my blog and with Littlest story, about when she was actually still pretty Little.
This week we have a RE-RUN of a post from October 2009

 My Littlest was a child who wouldn't stand up for herself. This is not true anymore. Nowadays she could fill a resume with moments like this. In 5th grade her teachers didn't seem to like her much. She could be a little abrasive & perhaps was not worshipful enough. She seemed to be particularly annoying to her gifted class teacher,  which makes this even sweeter. The class was assigned to work in groups and create a "TV" show using fairy tale characters, that they would perform for parents of the class. These kids can be really clever so this is usually a lot of fun. My child was assigned with a partner to write commercials. "Glittery", we'll call her,  told Littlest that she wasn't allowed to give out her phone # so they couldn't work that way or meet up. This assignment had several weeks to be completed. Littlest worked on it. Every week "Glittery" didn't have anything to contribute.
 Just to clarify, I try to teach my kids responsibility by making them deal with situations themselves instead of Mom rushing in to save them.
Littlest wrote a couple of outstanding & hilarious commercials. I told her to tell her gifted teacher that the work was all hers. She kept putting it off. She was waiting to see if "Glittery" had something to add. I think she also sensed the teacher wasn't fond of her & avoided dealing with her. She turned the work in but didn't say a word about Glittery not participating, just complained to ME. I repeatedly told her that if she wanted the credit for the work she needed to speak up. Littlest didn't want to be the "kid who tells". She asked "Glittery" to admit that she hadn't helped. Yeah, Right.
 The day of the show arrived. The acts were introduced. Including: Commercials by; Littlest & "Glittery". After a very entertaining show it was time for a curtain call. The MC announced:   Commercials brought to you by.... Littlest, who stomps up on stage with arms crossed & PO'ed look on face and "Glittery", who floats up, smiling wide, her arms akimbo as she gracefully plunges into a curtsy, her long hair streaming forward to touch the stage as her forehead is bowed to the ground in humble appreciation of the applause of her fans.... And then a voice is heard above the din of parental clapping... SHE DIDN'T WRITE IT! I DID ALL OF IT. SHE DIDN'T DO ANYTHING! Glittery's curtsy wobbled a bit & her eyes widened. Confused parents looked relieved as the next kids were called up. Glittery's mom appeared frozen for a moment, then ignored the situation.  The teacher looked like she wanted to smack Littlest. I had my first Littlest experience of 'Oh My God what did my kid just do?' But I maintained my dignity.
 Immediately afterward I told Littlest and her teacher, "She could have picked a better time for that." "Yes, she could have ", answered her plainly annoyed teacher.
 But to be honest,
 I was Awed by her Beauty in that moment & Forever became her Biggest Fan!
(And laughed my butt off as soon as I got in the car)


© 2012 All Rights Reserved by MOTPG

In Honor of the Fallen

TAPS

Day is done,
gone the sun,
From the hills,
from the lake,
From the skies.
All is well,
safely rest,
God is nigh.

Go to sleep,
peaceful sleep,
May the soldier
or sailor,
God keep.
On the land
or the deep,
Safe in sleep.

Love, good night,
Must thou go,
When the day,
And the night
Need thee so?
All is well.
Speedeth all
To their rest.

Fades the light;
And afar
Goeth day,
And the stars
Shineth bright,
Fare thee well;
Day has gone,
Night is on.

Thanks and praise,
For our days,
'Neath the sun,
Neath the stars,
'Neath the sky,
As we go,
This we know,
God is nigh.

Lights Out.

Rinse and Repeat.....

Ms. G does not like July. I didn't post another tribute to my father this year because that memory, once written, is now neat and tidy and well maintained. But...this one still has some split ends and damage that need a little extra care and conditioning.  This is a Re-Post of my tribute to my eldest brother from 2010.  I finish the countdown. Four days left in July. The 31st is a day for goodbye. Perhaps August will improve my disposition.
 For now, once again ....

I'm Gonna Wash July Right Out Of My Hair!

Fly Bye Originally posted July 29 2010.

I was 5. It was so early it was still dark and I was awakened quietly to say goodbye. Groggy, I stood on the bed and reached my arms out. All was darkness. I could not see you, but I felt the rough fabric of the uniform beneath my hands and the warmth of your cheek. Your hair no longer sweeping my face as you bent for a kiss but shorn beneath a cap. The low rumble of your voice beside my ear....I love you, goodbye. I carried this in my minds eye waiting patiently as was wished, until you were safely home.


I was 9. Suddenly you were Home! And you picked up where you left off.....being my hero.

I was 24. I fully understood the problem and was saddened and helpless about it. I was used to the drinking but now sometimes your eyes were lifeless. I stop by. You are laying on the couch. You are cold and clammy and sweating profusely. I say "whatever you are doing stop it". Please. Just stop. I kiss you goodbye. Whatever it was seemed to stop and the you that had a soul came back but the drinking never stopped. The damage to your body from the years of alcohol was done.

I was 30. When the call comes in the middle of the night, just by chance I am not at home but out of town and actually closer to where you are than the rest of us. I would get there first, I would be there. As we drove through the dark I prayed, in time, in time, please.

As I was walking in a cloud of unreality, through the front doors, you were leaving. They would not let me go farther. I stood there, waiting patiently as they wished. And moments later they said, "we're sorry, we're sorry, no."

And you were alone. I could not reach out...how could this be?

As we drove away that morning the sun was rising over fields of green going gold. The light rising in tandem with our forward journey. I saw the rays light up their wings like sparks shooting upward as they circled and soared and I smiled. At that moment I heard the first notes of the song burst through to me and I reached to turn the knob up until it engulfed me, carrying me with it for awhile and opened the window to fly along through the morning because I knew...

God had allowed you to pause and soar just long enough

To say goodbye.









Google Video
pinkfloyd.com

The lyrics to this song, which I have included at the bottom of the page, were so appropriate to my brother and the situation that I am still stunned by this experience and it is the single most painful but powerfully spiritual moment of my life.

John
my brother
There for me
All of the things
big brothers should be
Johnny my brother
Ten feet tall
Or so it seemed
when I was small
Dec 1954-July 1996

My brother loved nature and had great admiration for birds. He was very quiet and none of us ever really understood why he was the way he was. He was different. He did not seem cut out for this world.
He made terrible mistakes. He was an alcoholic from his teens.

We loved him.

© 2010 All Rights Reserved

Learning To Fly

By David Gilmore for Pink Floyd

Into the distance, a ribbon of black

Stretched to the point of no turning back

A flight of fancy on a windswept field

Standing alone my senses reeled

A fatal attraction holding me fast, how

Can I escape this irresistible grasp?

Can't keep my eyes from the circling skies

Tongue-tied and twisted Just an earth-bound misfit, I

Ice is forming on the tips of my wings

Unheeded warnings, I thought I thought of everything

No navigator to guide my way home

Unladened, empty and turned to stone

A soul in tension that's learning to fly

Condition grounded but determined to try

Can't keep my eyes from the circling skies

Tongue-tied and twisted just an earth-bound misfit, I

Above the planet on a wing and a prayer,

My grubby halo, a vapour trail in the empty air,

Across the clouds I see my shadow fly

Out of the corner of my watering eye

A dream unthreatened by the morning light

Could blow this soul right through the roof of the night

There's no sensation to compare with this

Suspended animation, A state of bliss

Can't keep my eyes from the circling skies

Tongue-tied and twisted just an earth-bound misfit, I 

I'm Glad She Danced

This is a re-publish. I noticed a lot of bloggers are re-posting some of their older posts and I had thought about that for awhile. This one came to mind because Middlest wanted to use the quote involved for her senior quote in the yearbook and wasn't allowed to. Which is a shame because it would have been perfect. Some things have changed since I told the story but the sentiment remains the same!

This post was originally published in January 2010.

In her sophomore year, which was her 1st at the local high school Middlest began reading a book called Heavy Metal and You by Chris Krovatin. She was enjoying the book about a guy who is in to heavy metal but falls in love with a "preppy" girl, and on page 22 she found the following lines that really spoke to her because of something that happened at her school. It was his response to the girl agreeing to go on a date with him.


"Do you know what I did there? Do you? Well? 
  You're Damn Right I Danced!"

She loved it and declared it was her new favorite quote!

I was still trying to get past the decisions she had made the previous year. This girl is so intelligent and a really beautiful girl. I'm not saying that because I'm her Mom, it's true. I don't know where she came from. But the fact is she is odd and socially awkward. They began using the words "marches to the beat of her own drummer" in pre-school. Yesterday she came in to me with all of her hair hid in a beanie, wearing a big shirt, jeans and converse and asked if I would mind if she walked around the neighborhood dressed as a guy. She has done this before. She has a terrific figure so I think it amuses her to be so opposite and also to fool people. All of our girls seem to enjoy getting a reaction from the neighbors, which include families with girls the same age who began to shun them in elementary school. This may have been due to Biggest but wasn't fair to the younger ones. Anyway, I didn't say anything when she put leaves in her hair and a palm frond on her jeans and skipped around the front yard saying she was a pony or found her reciting/singing the entire musical Rent in the backyard at 10 PM. I don't really mind but I felt like saying no. I'm not fond of most of my neighbors, the ones I am fond of accept us as we are, (yeah, the weird people), but sometimes I just long to be normal and not the Mom everyone seems to pity or give strange looks .

Sending Middlest to a school for the Arts worked out well through middle school. In most cases the kids were more likely to accept each other as individuals and quirks are an asset. When we discussed her leaving Middlest told me, "Mom, I was the biggest weirdo in a school full of weirdos'."

When she bombed her 1st year in the Arts high school I couldn't believe it. She may have been burnt out. It had been 4 years of getting up at 5AM and not getting home till 4:30 PM and a grueling workload. Also the school was for intensive training in one area. She wanted to write but wanted to paint as well and didn't like the competitive atmosphere. She was in a contradiction. She didn't like the pressure of having to be special and at the same time it is hard to get credit for being special while surrounded by other special people. She gets more confirmation of her talents in the local high school. She told me she just wanted to be a regular kid for awhile.

I can get that. Regular. You mean you want to dress cute and talk about clothes and makeup. You want to join some fun clubs and go to football games. Normal. OK!

It didn't work out that way. Though I warned her that a regular high school was a whole different world than what she was accustomed to and that she needed to concentrate on her studies while slowly familiarizing herself with this new social system, I watched in dismay as she quickly wandered from the group her one "normal " friend introduced her to and into the Goonies. ( I'm not picking on them. They embrace this title.) That's the schools name for them. They are the kids who are most accepting of differences. The problem is that some of them tend to give confirmation to each other that succeeding and having goals is not important. Most share a certain level of immaturity. The underachievers. The bad attitudes. Kids who are dealing with real problems in their homes and are acting out. And good kids who just enjoy behaving oddly because they think it "bothers" the more conventional kids. I have told mine, "maybe they are stuck up but they really do just think there is something wrong with you, so what are you accomplishing?" Sensing the danger and watching her grades begin to fall, I asked her to please keep her options open and try not to identify herself with just one group until she had been at the school for awhile. And to remember her future, she is too bright to mess up her academics.

A short time later she became excited because she met a new boy. A regular one. Involved with sports, etc.

I was a happy for her to be learning how to just be a teenager and not be stuck in a group the whole school looked down on. A couple weeks later on a rainy day I picked her up and she was totally drenched. Soaked thru.

"What on earth happened to you?" I asked.

"I was dancing in the courtyard while it was pouring down. It was great! Everyone was watching from the windows and pointing, some were taking pictures with their phones. It was so fun!"

I felt some dread."Were you hanging out with that bunch again?"

"No, I was by myself."

As the realization of social suicide soaked me like a rainstorm I actually felt my stomach fall like I was on one of those swinging ship rides, they make me sick. Or like an axe swinging.

This is my dilemma. I love how imaginative and individual my kids are. I have fostered that. When I am with them I am delighted by their freedom of expression and refusal to stay in the box and conform. At the same time it hurts to see people who don't get it look down on them. To see them labeled and hurt by others who can't accept someone who won't follow what they feel is the "right" way to act. And I admit that I am sometimes hurt by other parents attitudes towards me because of my children. That judgment. Especially from the ones who really don't know anything about us at all. And though I hate to say it there are times I have felt embarrassed by my children. It might go something like this:

"Hi, I haven't seen you in awhile, not since the kids were in gifted class/softball/scouts together. My Kid is starring on the soccer team, on the honor roll at the college prep, and getting scholarship offers already in Sophomore year. How's Yours?"

"Umm. Oh Great! She flunked out of her Art School, joined a club called the Rock A Holics and is dating a boy who thinks he's a vampire! Yeah, we are moving right along."

So as I thought it through, what should my reaction be? Should I tell her, That "Normal Boy" would never call again. (He didn't, what a jerk). Why would you do something to call so much attention to yourself? (It will be on YouTube before the end of the day.)**it wasn't.  People are going to talk about you. (They do anyway)

When Littlest is whining about listening to my music in the car, I change it to the the disco station, turn it up really loud, open the windows, and when we come to a red light, dance in my seat. My mother used to tap dance and sing WW2 songs in the kitchen while cooking dinner. And I may be mistaken but I bet a particular brother of mine is not immune to public antics either.

So....In the end what did I really think about this....? What attitude should I take toward her free spirit?

Do you know what I thought next?

Do you? .....Well?.....


You're Damn Right She Danced!


© 2010 All Rights Reserved


Quote excerpted from:
Heavy Metal and You
Christopher Krovatin
Copyright 2005 Scholastic/Push