Wednesday, March 3, 2010


EDITED! I changed the name of this post to get rid of creepers. It may still come up in creeper searches but hopefully they will MOVE ON! This IS NOT what you are looking for.

  Last weekend we went bra shopping. Something I don't look forward to with the girls. They never make it easy.  We headed straight to the juniors section. It was easy to spot with the multi-colored hyperactive selection of patterns.  Littlest did a look over of one display and moved on to the next where another teen was happily picking through the colorful collection of stripes, polka dots and plaid, holding one up for her Mom and remarking, "This one is cute."  Littlest stationed herself directly next to this young lady. She perused the display with a slump postured, world weary air and loudly announced.
"These make me want to vomit.......blood."
The mother and daughter did the usual reaction to Littlest and froze momentarily, blinked twice and the girl set the bra she was holding down and kind of looked around like she was confused about where she was. That was when I wandered off to pretend I didn't know her.
Middlest was seriously thinking of comfort and cute at the same time. She picked several different styles but in the end walked up to me holding three black bra's with some accents that I can only describe as stripperish. "What's up with that I asked," don't you want some colors or at least one basic white?"

   I don't like the basic ones they're ugly.

I'm thinking, this should not be an issue for you.

   All the colorful ones weren't comfortable and they didn't fit right.

"These look like hooker bras," I tell her.
   So... no one's going to see them, she answers.

I'm one better be seeing them. She doesn't have gym so I decide I just don't care.
I head back to Littlest who is trying to sneak push up bras past me.

    The junior section is full of aided underwear. Why do teens need push up bras? Answer: They don't.  I really have a problem with the things that are marketed to young women. It  makes me angry that the choices are so limited for young girls who want something cute or pretty but are offered tasteless and trashy. But that doesn't stop the store from stocking them to prey on tired, stressed out mothers. And because the choices are limited, I might be the Queen of Falling Standards but my kids are just wearing me out and I'm starting to not care what they are wearing inside as long as they look decent outside.

   Littlest comes out of the dressing room saying, "these work" Two are cute blue ones with a pattern. I ask if she's sure she doesn't want more variety.
No, she hated all of them.
But your striped one has bright colors and it's your favorite.
No, those colors are obnoxious but I like this one.
She holds up the 3rd bra she tried on. It is light blue satin with brown lace. It did not come from the junior department. I check out the cup. It's a cliff in there.
You don't need that.
But it was really comfortable.
So, that is serious push up, you don't need it. you want me to try it on again so you can see.....
She knows this is a point because I am wearing out and she is the slowest person on earth in a changing room .
You know what I think, I tell her, how bad was it?
   Oh not bad at couldn't even tell."
 If I get that and then I see cleavage,  it goes, you are in trouble and you are short a bra.
   Why can't I have cleavage?
You aren't old enough for cleavage.
   That's not fair, Middlest has cleavage.
She can't stop her cleavage, it just happens.
   When can I have cleavage?
In two years,....  for now you only wear that with shirts that are cut high.
   "Ok". Happy Face, "I promise."

We moved on to clothes because Middlest needed jeans and Littlest worked me for a dress that looked like something from the Mary Tyler Moore show. For someone who can make shopping a miserable experience, Littlest has great style. I finally bought it just because I was so impressed with her fashion sense. . 
As we took our turn in line at the busy check out counter Middlest held up the striped black/gray skinny jeans she picked out and showed them to her sister,
 look, I got Emo kid pants....but I love them.
 Littlest eyed the counter and remarked,

what's up with all the black bras, are your boobs going Emo too?
Yeah, couldn't escape from that one, I had to pay for the stuff.

When we got home Middlest happily took her things to her room and my husband asked, "did they get everything they need?" Yep, and then it occurs to me.

I forgot that one of my nicknames for Middlest is the bra bunny. She is one of those people that start to fall apart the minute they walk in the door. You can tell where she has been by following the trail of books, paper, socks, shoes, jackets, and yes.....bras. She inherited the compulsion to take off her bra & get more comfortable through genetics from my Mom. Except my Mom usually would do it on the couch at the end of the day. Middlest does it wherever she happens to be. I have found them hid in the office, on the stairs, on the couch, behind the couch, the dining room and even the kitchen. I once opened the pantry door & found one on the shelf,  No Joke!
 I occasionally hang them from the ceiling fan or light fixtures just to get her attention and hope she will stop leaving them around. Even threats that one of her friends or boyfriend might come over and stumble upon one has no effect. She is my child that took all her clothes off at any opportunity when she was little, so I guess she is the one that is happiest when her spirit..... and boobs, are free.

However, I had forgotten about this when she said it didn't matter because no one would see them. TheSurfer will flee the room if he even senses someone is going to talk about boobs. Sometimes Littlest does it on purpose just to see him run.  I don't know how I'm going to explain it when he goes to sit on the couch  and it looks like an Emo Stripper has been hanging out at our house.

   Oh well, at least I've gotten that out of the way for awhile and the girls are happy. Things are pretty rushed and hectic around here before school but this morning I fleetingly noticed Littlest looked very pretty. She is getting more grown up every day and sometimes it hits me with surprise that she is going to be 15 this year. Every time I look at her it seems something has changed. This morning as she jumped out of the car and reached back for her bag I realized what it was.

The Cleavage.

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  1. Bra shopping with two girls. You are a glutton for punishment, aren't you?

    Middlest sounds like me. I don't care how cute something is, if its not comfortable, its not going on.

  2. It's a beating shopping with one. Three? I'd rather suck on an exhaust pipe. Ha.

    You are one brave soul. Cleavage! Goodness why do they grow up so fast?!? This post made me laugh. That littlest is something else. :-)

  3. LOL, emo, priceless.


  4. Rotfl hey I'm for holes in bras and underwear. My daughter will be sure to keep her clothes on. I know I know that's considered child neglect. My son is the stripper in our house.

  5. Help! Mama....That has crossed my mind more than once!

  6. I'd give anything to be a stripper. Ok, what I mean is that I'd give anything to have the goods to be a stripper. I am the one who needs the aid in the bras. I need serious red cross ambulatory assistance. These girls are very nearly boys.

  7. This is what I have to look forward to? You know what, I am looking forward to it, in a way. Although I highly doubt my little one will ever have cleavage (even bra assisted). That's if she takes after me, at all!

  8. Classic line - No one better be seeing them! I hate bra shopping just for me, I bought 3 the other day..they are still in the bag.

  9. Ugh! Thank goodness I don't have to do bra shopping yet. I just did jean shopping today (my daughter is having a growth spurt and it's nearing her birthday)and I couldn't wait to get home-she was shopping with attitude, great...

  10. Cute story, I was smiling the whole time I was reading this. It made me wonder how it would be when my daughters become teens a few years from now. I know it's not easy to handle teens but I'm pretty sure if I'd continue to be there for them when they need me, there won't be much problem as big as those very lenient and irresponsible parents creating troubled teens in the society.

  11. Van: Thank you for commenting. My oldest child was very troubled even with our best parenting intentions. Parents who are too lenient do make it more difficult to deal with rebellion in our kids when we are more strict. I had to learn to balance and really that is an ongoing process. Being there for them when they need you and loving them is #1. Sometimes it's all we've got : )

  12. Yeah, this is an old post, but smuggling grapefruits got my attention.

    Vomiting blood. I am so glad to hear that I am not the only mother with one of those children. But my daughter who is built like a Playboy Bunny likes bland, plain bras. I'm always trying to get her to buy something less ... beige. She will go with black, but if it has so much as a hint of a bow, she would rather, "have all my sex organs severed from my body with a dull razor."
    I kid you not.
    And this while shopping with my Mormon sister for nylons in Utah.


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