This is a re-publish. I noticed a lot of bloggers are re-posting some of their older posts and I had thought about that for awhile. This one came to mind because Middlest wanted to use the quote involved for her senior quote in the yearbook and wasn't allowed to. Which is a shame because it would have been perfect. Some things have changed since I told the story but the sentiment remains the same!
This post was originally published in January 2010.
In her sophomore year, which was her 1st at the local high school Middlest began reading a book called Heavy Metal and You by Chris Krovatin. She was enjoying the book about a guy who is in to heavy metal but falls in love with a "preppy" girl, and on page 22 she found the following lines that really spoke to her because of something that happened at her school. It was his response to the girl agreeing to go on a date with him.
"Do you know what I did there? Do you? Well?
You're Damn Right I Danced!"
She loved it and declared it was her new favorite quote!
I was still trying to get past the decisions she had made the previous year. This girl is so intelligent and a really beautiful girl. I'm not saying that because I'm her Mom, it's true. I don't know where she came from. But the fact is she is odd and socially awkward. They began using the words "marches to the beat of her own drummer" in pre-school. Yesterday she came in to me with all of her hair hid in a beanie, wearing a big shirt, jeans and converse and asked if I would mind if she walked around the neighborhood dressed as a guy. She has done this before. She has a terrific figure so I think it amuses her to be so opposite and also to fool people. All of our girls seem to enjoy getting a reaction from the neighbors, which include families with girls the same age who began to shun them in elementary school. This may have been due to Biggest but wasn't fair to the younger ones. Anyway, I didn't say anything when she put leaves in her hair and a palm frond on her jeans and skipped around the front yard saying she was a pony or found her reciting/singing the entire musical Rent in the backyard at 10 PM. I don't really mind but I felt like saying no. I'm not fond of most of my neighbors, the ones I am fond of accept us as we are, (yeah, the weird people), but sometimes I just long to be normal and not the Mom everyone seems to pity or give strange looks .
Sending Middlest to a school for the Arts worked out well through middle school. In most cases the kids were more likely to accept each other as individuals and quirks are an asset. When we discussed her leaving Middlest told me, "Mom, I was the biggest weirdo in a school full of weirdos'."
When she bombed her 1st year in the Arts high school I couldn't believe it. She may have been burnt out. It had been 4 years of getting up at 5AM and not getting home till 4:30 PM and a grueling workload. Also the school was for intensive training in one area. She wanted to write but wanted to paint as well and didn't like the competitive atmosphere. She was in a contradiction. She didn't like the pressure of having to be special and at the same time it is hard to get credit for being special while surrounded by other special people. She gets more confirmation of her talents in the local high school. She told me she just wanted to be a regular kid for awhile.
I can get that. Regular. You mean you want to dress cute and talk about clothes and makeup. You want to join some fun clubs and go to football games. Normal. OK!
It didn't work out that way. Though I warned her that a regular high school was a whole different world than what she was accustomed to and that she needed to concentrate on her studies while slowly familiarizing herself with this new social system, I watched in dismay as she quickly wandered from the group her one "normal " friend introduced her to and into the Goonies. ( I'm not picking on them. They embrace this title.) That's the schools name for them. They are the kids who are most accepting of differences. The problem is that some of them tend to give confirmation to each other that succeeding and having goals is not important. Most share a certain level of immaturity. The underachievers. The bad attitudes. Kids who are dealing with real problems in their homes and are acting out. And good kids who just enjoy behaving oddly because they think it "bothers" the more conventional kids. I have told mine, "maybe they are stuck up but they really do just think there is something wrong with you, so what are you accomplishing?" Sensing the danger and watching her grades begin to fall, I asked her to please keep her options open and try not to identify herself with just one group until she had been at the school for awhile. And to remember her future, she is too bright to mess up her academics.
A short time later she became excited because she met a new boy. A regular one. Involved with sports, etc.
I was a happy for her to be learning how to just be a teenager and not be stuck in a group the whole school looked down on. A couple weeks later on a rainy day I picked her up and she was totally drenched. Soaked thru.
"What on earth happened to you?" I asked.
"I was dancing in the courtyard while it was pouring down. It was great! Everyone was watching from the windows and pointing, some were taking pictures with their phones. It was so fun!"
I felt some dread."Were you hanging out with that bunch again?"
"No, I was by myself."
As the realization of social suicide soaked me like a rainstorm I actually felt my stomach fall like I was on one of those swinging ship rides, they make me sick. Or like an axe swinging.
This is my dilemma. I love how imaginative and individual my kids are. I have fostered that. When I am with them I am delighted by their freedom of expression and refusal to stay in the box and conform. At the same time it hurts to see people who don't get it look down on them. To see them labeled and hurt by others who can't accept someone who won't follow what they feel is the "right" way to act. And I admit that I am sometimes hurt by other parents attitudes towards me because of my children. That judgment. Especially from the ones who really don't know anything about us at all. And though I hate to say it there are times I have felt embarrassed by my children. It might go something like this:
"Hi, I haven't seen you in awhile, not since the kids were in gifted class/softball/scouts together. My Kid is starring on the soccer team, on the honor roll at the college prep, and getting scholarship offers already in Sophomore year. How's Yours?"
"Umm. Oh Great! She flunked out of her Art School, joined a club called the Rock A Holics and is dating a boy who thinks he's a vampire! Yeah, we are moving right along."
So as I thought it through, what should my reaction be? Should I tell her, That "Normal Boy" would never call again. (He didn't, what a jerk). Why would you do something to call so much attention to yourself? (It will be on YouTube before the end of the day.)**it wasn't. People are going to talk about you. (They do anyway)
When Littlest is whining about listening to my music in the car, I change it to the the disco station, turn it up really loud, open the windows, and when we come to a red light, dance in my seat. My mother used to tap dance and sing WW2 songs in the kitchen while cooking dinner. And I may be mistaken but I bet a particular brother of mine is not immune to public antics either.
So....In the end what did I really think about this....? What attitude should I take toward her free spirit?
Do you know what I thought next?
Do you? .....Well?.....
You're Damn Right She Danced!
© 2010 All Rights Reserved
Quote excerpted from:
Heavy Metal and You
Christopher Krovatin
Copyright 2005 Scholastic/Push
Saturday, January 29, 2011
Tuesday, January 25, 2011
Tuesday in January, 9:00 AM
I am clinging to the storm clouds. Pulling them closer with sheer will. 6:30 has stayed for the day. I can't say I'm not pleased. I am grasping the moments with my sweaters. Counting down the days I can layer myself in soft warmth. Glad for excuses to stay inside. 90% of the lines in my face an etching carved by squinting in the sun. It is a relief to relax my face and peer out without light glancing off the world and piercing my pupils. Behind the mist a cold breeze to warm my soul. I am hoarding winter like gold. Waiting for the bizarre twist of fall in February. Because before long it will be creeping up on me. It has already started. This beauty is almost magical in it's arrival. A fairy gift amid the crunch of tardy foliage. But it is the signal.
Time..time...time swings a sickle to harvest the frost and plant the spring indelibly in my yard.
This photo of a camellia was taken on a run of the mill digital camera with no thought for composition, light, or angle. It may be blurry because I was stomping around the yard in a rain shower wearing my pajama's and fake Uggs and I can't see a darn thing on that stupid screen. I used no Photo Shop software to clear it, crop it, or adjust; color, contrast and depth because I didn't have time for that. I had to work on quarterly reports and then I pulled all the furniture out in my bedroom and vacuumed behind it and under my bed. Yes I did. And I don't have Photo Shop.
ENJOY!
Now I'm going to take a shower, eat Sweet Sixteen Little White Donuts for lunch and take a nap.
Yes I am.
© 2010 All Rights Reserved
Time..time...time swings a sickle to harvest the frost and plant the spring indelibly in my yard.
This photo of a camellia was taken on a run of the mill digital camera with no thought for composition, light, or angle. It may be blurry because I was stomping around the yard in a rain shower wearing my pajama's and fake Uggs and I can't see a darn thing on that stupid screen. I used no Photo Shop software to clear it, crop it, or adjust; color, contrast and depth because I didn't have time for that. I had to work on quarterly reports and then I pulled all the furniture out in my bedroom and vacuumed behind it and under my bed. Yes I did. And I don't have Photo Shop.
ENJOY!
Now I'm going to take a shower, eat Sweet Sixteen Little White Donuts for lunch and take a nap.
Yes I am.
© 2010 All Rights Reserved
Wednesday, January 19, 2011
ch ch ch Changes....
Overheard in the kitchen
Mid: If I ever have a shed I'm so gonna paint it blue.
Lit: I know, right.
Now I admit for a few moments I was puzzled. Then it dawned on me.
100 wizard of weirdness points for an explanation.
There is a hint later in this post.
Yesterday morning when I woke up Lit I was confused because her entire room had been changed around. And her light bulbs were missing. So I turned on her bathroom light which started the fan. A little while later I went to make sure she was up and heard her in the bathroom so I moved on. At 6:45 I gave her a warning knock and called out that it was getting late. At 6:55, which is when we leave for the bus stop, I opened her door and she was in the shower. I freaked and called out, "what are you doing? It's time to go!" She said, "What! you just woke me up a few minutes ago." So I had to make the 45 minute drive to her school. Now, she did not wake up properly because the lamp next to her bed was not turned on. Being half asleep myself, I forgot about the bathroom light/fan and thought I heard her in the bathroom. Then I learned that, though I slept through it myself, she was changing her room around at midnight and crashing things around which woke up her Dad who gave her two warnings to go to bed before he took her light bulbs away. So....
Whose fault is it that she missed her bus?
We noticed our cable bill was OUTRAGEOUS and decided to cut back some. Now I don't watch TV a whole lot but after the change I realized I won't be watching it much at all because I lost almost everything I actually watch. TCM; IFC; ID; Science Ch and LOGO....which means my beloved Buffy is no more.....
I still have History International so this was not as bad for me as it was for Littlest who nearly curled into a ball and died because she lost...
the Military Channel and BBC America.....uh oh.....Luckily we didn't have to call 911 because I grabbed the remote and feverishly flipped to On Demand and Thank God....Dr. Who was there...at least for now. Not so the Military Channel so I think she compensated for that by telling me that she is seriously considering joining the Marines after high school.....I guess if you don't have good cable real life is the next best thing.... And hey, oh joy. somehow, we still get Smoking Gun's Worlds Dumbest.. and MTV....
Speaking of cable and changes.
Biggest and DecentGuy are on a very tight budget so they have the most basic cable of all. As a result these two, who listen to bands like, The Adicts and watch movies like Zombie Strippers, have become addicted to......
OPRAH.
Both Of Them.
Now I spent some time watching Oprah back in 1987 when I didn't have cable at all and she came on right at nursing time for this particular child but over the years I lost track of it, what with having choices like History Detectives and Buffy of course. Now she calls me several times a week to ask, "Did you watch Oprah?" To which I usually say no but it doesn't matter if I missed it because I'm getting ready to hear the entire episode. The last time they were over she was describing a show and DecentGuy said, "oh yeah, that was a good one and started to talk about it to. ?. She even cried when she watched the Tribute show with Naomi and Wynonna Judd singing along to still photo's, which by chance I did happen to catch because I was flipping through channels and was mesmermized by Wynonna's face which always fascinates me because I think she's a robot.........huh....oh...i'm back. I find it hysterical that these two Former Rebels were enthralled with Oprah and Gails camping trip. They really like Gail by the way. They think she's cool.
Anyway,
Recently I wrote about my parenting rules and Middlest's boyfriend who I felt was too old for her but he was alright and I was starting to resign myself to him even though I thought she was resigning herself to him too and then she dumped him. What happy dance? Am not....anyway. Now that she has 5 whole months of high school left she has finally found some friends who aren't creepy and is dating someone she has known since 3rd grade that she has a lot in common with and she is having a wonderful time being a regular teenager. Which means that she stopped coming home at 9: 30 like she did when dating the older guy and now calls me at ten to eleven every weekend and asks if she can stay out later. She is doing her school work..mostly...she is working...she seems to be truly happy for the first time since she started high school...and it's almost over. But I think she has turned a page. She is becoming stronger and more confident in some ways. Interesting to see what other changes this year will bring. Maybe she will even start picking her underwear up off the bathroom floor.
Littlest is in the midst of a serious decision. She goes to an award winning high school that you must audition for. She loves being a part of the creative writing department there and the prestige and opportunities being one of their students gives her. At the same time she has decided that in general she doesn't really love the school any more. She doesn't have friends there that she feel closely connected to. She is tired...very tired...of the rigorous curriculum and amount of time it takes to be a part of the school. It is a huge commitment. A couple weeks ago she refused to get out of bed one morning. She had writing assignments that weren't finished and she was having a meltdown. She said she loves to write but sometimes she "just can't." I think many of us could identify with that. She can't take the pressure of being required to create for a grade. She refuses to do sub-standard just to get by. All of her grades are falling. I let Mid leave this school after 9th grade because she was not committed. She was wasting their time. Littlest has been committed and worked really hard. She doesn't want to anymore. She says she has no life. That she doesn't think she's going to be a writer. She wants to join the Marines and be a psychologist. In the middle of all this one of her pieces was chosen to be in a reading performance that the department does once each quarter. It it isn't easy to get in. Some kids never do. I wondered if this was a sign. A message to her to hang in there. By coincidence Peryl at Parenting Ad Absurdum just did a post called Daughters of Mothers Who Roar relating to this article -Why Chinese Mothers Are Superior by Amy Chua.... about pushing our kids. Whether we are hard enough on them. Sometimes I Roar for a few minutes but then my throat gets raw and I just make a cup of tea and read a book instead. Part of me wants to tell her not to blow this gift she was lucky enough to live near. Stick it out and do what you need to do! Why would you throw away this opportunity that many kids would give anything for? Are you crazy? Well, maybe. When she is crying and having meltdowns and her grades are all falling and she is re arranging her room in the middle of the night because she can't rest. I decided to let her make the decision on her own. I'd be lying if I said I would miss dealing with her frustration and the long hours. I also know this. The school requires you to devote yourself to an art area. Like her sister, Littlest can draw. She also has a unique and lovely singing voice and is interested in musical theatre. At our local high school she can try all of these things. Not in a state of the art award winning facility but decently all the same.
What would you suggest as a parent? Insist she get up, get over it and work? Or, it's been 5 years of this. No harm in two years of regular high school to round her out? Don't be afraid to answer a life altering question for a teenager. Apparently one mom isn't enough. She said to ask for input. The decision she makes will be entirely her own .....Believe Me!
Other than that things around her are about the same. This week they all have PMS. Everyone has cried at least once. But this morning when they came in the kitchen they did some Ninja poses followed by a full scale song and dance performance of Little Bunny Fu Fu, hugged each other violently as a grand finale and still made it out the door on time. So as I look around I realize, Ah, of course.
Moon Music
© 2010 All Rights Reserved
Mid: If I ever have a shed I'm so gonna paint it blue.
Lit: I know, right.
Now I admit for a few moments I was puzzled. Then it dawned on me.
100 wizard of weirdness points for an explanation.
There is a hint later in this post.
Yesterday morning when I woke up Lit I was confused because her entire room had been changed around. And her light bulbs were missing. So I turned on her bathroom light which started the fan. A little while later I went to make sure she was up and heard her in the bathroom so I moved on. At 6:45 I gave her a warning knock and called out that it was getting late. At 6:55, which is when we leave for the bus stop, I opened her door and she was in the shower. I freaked and called out, "what are you doing? It's time to go!" She said, "What! you just woke me up a few minutes ago." So I had to make the 45 minute drive to her school. Now, she did not wake up properly because the lamp next to her bed was not turned on. Being half asleep myself, I forgot about the bathroom light/fan and thought I heard her in the bathroom. Then I learned that, though I slept through it myself, she was changing her room around at midnight and crashing things around which woke up her Dad who gave her two warnings to go to bed before he took her light bulbs away. So....
Whose fault is it that she missed her bus?
We noticed our cable bill was OUTRAGEOUS and decided to cut back some. Now I don't watch TV a whole lot but after the change I realized I won't be watching it much at all because I lost almost everything I actually watch. TCM; IFC; ID; Science Ch and LOGO....which means my beloved Buffy is no more.....
I still have History International so this was not as bad for me as it was for Littlest who nearly curled into a ball and died because she lost...
the Military Channel and BBC America.....uh oh.....Luckily we didn't have to call 911 because I grabbed the remote and feverishly flipped to On Demand and Thank God....Dr. Who was there...at least for now. Not so the Military Channel so I think she compensated for that by telling me that she is seriously considering joining the Marines after high school.....I guess if you don't have good cable real life is the next best thing.... And hey, oh joy. somehow, we still get Smoking Gun's Worlds Dumbest.. and MTV....
Speaking of cable and changes.
Biggest and DecentGuy are on a very tight budget so they have the most basic cable of all. As a result these two, who listen to bands like, The Adicts and watch movies like Zombie Strippers, have become addicted to......
OPRAH.
Both Of Them.
Now I spent some time watching Oprah back in 1987 when I didn't have cable at all and she came on right at nursing time for this particular child but over the years I lost track of it, what with having choices like History Detectives and Buffy of course. Now she calls me several times a week to ask, "Did you watch Oprah?" To which I usually say no but it doesn't matter if I missed it because I'm getting ready to hear the entire episode. The last time they were over she was describing a show and DecentGuy said, "oh yeah, that was a good one and started to talk about it to. ?. She even cried when she watched the Tribute show with Naomi and Wynonna Judd singing along to still photo's, which by chance I did happen to catch because I was flipping through channels and was mesmermized by Wynonna's face which always fascinates me because I think she's a robot.........huh....oh...i'm back. I find it hysterical that these two Former Rebels were enthralled with Oprah and Gails camping trip. They really like Gail by the way. They think she's cool.
Anyway,
Recently I wrote about my parenting rules and Middlest's boyfriend who I felt was too old for her but he was alright and I was starting to resign myself to him even though I thought she was resigning herself to him too and then she dumped him. What happy dance? Am not....anyway. Now that she has 5 whole months of high school left she has finally found some friends who aren't creepy and is dating someone she has known since 3rd grade that she has a lot in common with and she is having a wonderful time being a regular teenager. Which means that she stopped coming home at 9: 30 like she did when dating the older guy and now calls me at ten to eleven every weekend and asks if she can stay out later. She is doing her school work..mostly...she is working...she seems to be truly happy for the first time since she started high school...and it's almost over. But I think she has turned a page. She is becoming stronger and more confident in some ways. Interesting to see what other changes this year will bring. Maybe she will even start picking her underwear up off the bathroom floor.
Littlest is in the midst of a serious decision. She goes to an award winning high school that you must audition for. She loves being a part of the creative writing department there and the prestige and opportunities being one of their students gives her. At the same time she has decided that in general she doesn't really love the school any more. She doesn't have friends there that she feel closely connected to. She is tired...very tired...of the rigorous curriculum and amount of time it takes to be a part of the school. It is a huge commitment. A couple weeks ago she refused to get out of bed one morning. She had writing assignments that weren't finished and she was having a meltdown. She said she loves to write but sometimes she "just can't." I think many of us could identify with that. She can't take the pressure of being required to create for a grade. She refuses to do sub-standard just to get by. All of her grades are falling. I let Mid leave this school after 9th grade because she was not committed. She was wasting their time. Littlest has been committed and worked really hard. She doesn't want to anymore. She says she has no life. That she doesn't think she's going to be a writer. She wants to join the Marines and be a psychologist. In the middle of all this one of her pieces was chosen to be in a reading performance that the department does once each quarter. It it isn't easy to get in. Some kids never do. I wondered if this was a sign. A message to her to hang in there. By coincidence Peryl at Parenting Ad Absurdum just did a post called Daughters of Mothers Who Roar relating to this article -Why Chinese Mothers Are Superior by Amy Chua.... about pushing our kids. Whether we are hard enough on them. Sometimes I Roar for a few minutes but then my throat gets raw and I just make a cup of tea and read a book instead. Part of me wants to tell her not to blow this gift she was lucky enough to live near. Stick it out and do what you need to do! Why would you throw away this opportunity that many kids would give anything for? Are you crazy? Well, maybe. When she is crying and having meltdowns and her grades are all falling and she is re arranging her room in the middle of the night because she can't rest. I decided to let her make the decision on her own. I'd be lying if I said I would miss dealing with her frustration and the long hours. I also know this. The school requires you to devote yourself to an art area. Like her sister, Littlest can draw. She also has a unique and lovely singing voice and is interested in musical theatre. At our local high school she can try all of these things. Not in a state of the art award winning facility but decently all the same.
What would you suggest as a parent? Insist she get up, get over it and work? Or, it's been 5 years of this. No harm in two years of regular high school to round her out? Don't be afraid to answer a life altering question for a teenager. Apparently one mom isn't enough. She said to ask for input. The decision she makes will be entirely her own .....Believe Me!
Other than that things around her are about the same. This week they all have PMS. Everyone has cried at least once. But this morning when they came in the kitchen they did some Ninja poses followed by a full scale song and dance performance of Little Bunny Fu Fu, hugged each other violently as a grand finale and still made it out the door on time. So as I look around I realize, Ah, of course.
Moon Music
© 2010 All Rights Reserved
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