Time has slipped away from me. I spent one week adjusting to being a Grandma. Another week adjusting-even though we have been prepared over 2 years- to the fact that My Daughter JOINED THE MARINES and is at boot camp. Then another week just settling. Then a few more days just being quiet because all that adjusting wore me out. We're settling into a new way of life.
My very first post 4 years and two months ago was "There Are No Cheerleaders Here".
But, as I look about my home now I see,
There Are No Grounded Girls Here
I have raised them. I have finally got them off the ground. They are all three women now.
During the course of this blog Biggest married and is now A Mother, Littlest, my sarcastic 14 year old has transformed into A Marine Corps. Recruit. And Middlest, who spurred the creation of this blog with my frustration with her.. like a phoenix, is rising up and beginning again with a new job and her own place. She has always followed her own path, heard the beat of her own drummer and she will make it wherever she is going and do it in her own way. That's just who she is.
And that's ok with me : )
We have had as much excitement and drama here in the last 3 months as we have had in all the years I had teenagers put together.
But of course, what other way would the Grounded Girls make their exit?
I love this blog more than I can express. It's like a limb. A piece of our lives that I have nurtured and cared for and documented. But it is complete. That doesn't mean I'm gone. Just like in my real life I'm simply moving on the next phase. I appreciate everyone who has walked with me and read the journey of my girls growing into women. Even those who visited for awhile and then detoured off to other roads. But most of all, those who came at the beginning and stuck around no matter what my world would bring, and those who came in at the middle of my mess, looked around, and actually stayed anyway ; ) For all of you who are still around please follow me to my 'other place', if you haven't already. Despite the occasional 'other stuff ' this blog is dedicated to my daughters, on the other, we might be visiting more varied topics and of course the girls will be there too. They're just grown not gone. I certainly hope to see you there. If you're thinking, Oh Thank God, that woman has finally shut up, that's fine too.
So while from the beginning it has been the case that, "There Are No Cheerleaders Here". There WERE good times and bad. Triumphs and failures and Some Other Stuff too; ) But..
I started writing this post in the middle of last week but I didn't have time to finish. Which was a good thing. Because it wasn't finished. Events unfolded that changed the whole direction. Brought it around in a circle so to speak. Something like the circle of life : )
No it isn't Mothers Day. It also isn't the anniversary of my mothers death, which is in September. And it isn't my mothers birthday. That was actually in mid March and I totally forgot because it was the day I had drive downtown and cross two bridges to take Littlest to the Orthopedic Specialist to get a cast on a broken hand. So I was very distracted and knowing my mother, I'm sure, I hope, she would completely understand and forgive me. I felt horrible the next day when I realized I'd forgotten.
One of my mothers favorite movies was, I Remember Mama. I always liked it too. And I liked the books she shared with me. And going shopping. We shared that too. I was the baby of the family and we spent a lot of time together. From the time I was very small I remember following her around the mall. eating at Piccadilly. Next we would have ice cream by the fountain and I would get a penny to throw in with a wish. Then she would dip a napkin in the fountain and give me a good scrub right in the middle of the mall. My parents continued to spoil me from time to time long after I was grown. Something pretty for my house. New pots and pans. A new outfit. Always a new outfit or some awesome shoes that I looked at longingly in the store. And the grandbabies brought on a new round of spoiling because there was nothing my mom liked better than loading up the stroller and hitting the children's department to find pretty things for the girls. Then we would go to lunch. This was a pattern from my earliest childhood all the way into my thirties. That's how I remember my Mama. I miss my mother so much but, unlike other lost members of my family, I don't even have a special date or time of year that I think of her or write about my memories of her. She is always present in my life as though she isn't really gone. Her voice echoing in my ear. "You're Welcome. I Love You. "Can she hear, Thank You, I Love You too? I think so. And sometimes I think I catch a glimpse, a little message that she is still being my mom. March was a very eventful month for our family and I know she is looking out for us. And perhaps she was getting my attention. Letting me know that motherhood doesn't end and I had more work ahead of me.
Last week during spring break I took Littlest shopping. She desperately needed new jeans and also some shorts for summer. Since Middlest is a 'grown up' now I didn't take her with us. She buys her own things. But I found myself missing bringing her along too. It is much quieter these days with only the baby of the family to shop for. To be honest I was a little irritable and not really in the mood. I left her in the Juniors section and wandered off to the grown up clothes but within minutes my phone rang. "Where are you? Come back and help me." I heaved a sigh. Fiiine. Then she gave me a guilt trip about how this was the last time I ever had to buy clothes for her and she would be gone in November and I wouldn't have to do this anymore. I noticed she was holding a pale blue sundress that definitely wasn't on the list but she smiled and said, "It's Amazing!" "Yes, I replied, but you don't need it. " I know, she said, I just want to try it on for fun and see how it looks on me." After awhile she was ready for the dressing room which is a place that often makes me want to strangle her but I leaned against the wall and waited..and waited..and waited ; ).for her to pop out with each outfit and give her my opinion. The first thing that popped out was the blue dress accessorized with a smile like a beacon. "Yeah, that looks cute on you," I told her.
As I held up the wall a blond woman in her early thirties came in with a couple of things and closed her stall door. A short time later a heavy set woman in the sixtyish range popped her head in and looked around and called out a name. Around the corner the blond woman peeked out but didn't see anyone. I told the older woman she was around the corner and she came in holding a few more blouses. Finding what was obviously her daughters changing room she went in with her. I half listened as they chatted about each outfit. The daughter trying to decide what she liked best. The mom making suggestions, mentioning that one top would look good with her daughters jeans skirt and you could never go wrong with a jeans skirt and finally hinting that they all would do. The door opened and the mom walked out with the hand full of hangers. Her daughter followed close behind. As she passed me the younger woman quietly said, Thanks Mom, to her mothers departing back. You're welcome hon, she casually threw back over her shoulder with a smile. They disappeared into the store. And I...I felt like something precious had been ripped out of me. And I started crying. Right there in the middle of the damn changing rooms, tears started to trickle down my face and I couldn't stop them. Because I missed my mom. I missed her more than anything in this world. I remembered the little smile and sparkle in her eye when she would say, "I'll get it for you." "No Mom!", I would protest but she would answer, "I want to." I recognized that almost embarrassed thankfulness in the daughters voice. Something that we may feel as adults when we are reminded that our parents never really stop caring for us. As well as the muted joy in the mothers voice that she has done something for her child to show her love. That she still enjoys spoiling her a little. Because no matter how old we are we are our mothers 'babies.' Our mothers always love us. You never stop having a mom or being one.
Littlest came out and I told her to hold up a second before we went back in the store. She looked up at me, and immediately concerned, asked what happened. I felt ridiculous but told her and My Baby, my Littlest, stood in the middle of the dressing room with a cast on one hand and an armload of clothes in the other and gave me a huge hug. "I'm sorry", she said, I love you." I said, I love you too." Even though I felt even more ridiculous crying with her clutching me to the point of nearly knocking me over in the middle of a department store changing room. And she is a sweetheart. And it won't be long before she isn't there to give me hugs awkward or otherwise.
I've been focused on the endings. The fact that my youngest child will be graduating soon and will be gone in the fall. I've been thinking, with some delight, of the sudden freedom that will bring. After 26 years of parenting it will be over. Because I'll be finished. And mixed with my delight at that freedom is some sadness. Because I'll be finished. And because my mom isn't here to see how everything is turning out.
Though I sometimes feel I miss that mother daughter relationship in my life, the truth of it is, though the circumstances have been spun around, I still have one, don't I? I have three. I just needed to be reminded.
As we left the store I heard Littlest, "Thank You". I smiled, "You're Welcome."
And you can bet your ass she had that blue dress in the bag : )
Later in the week Middlest was in tears because she needed new clothes and didn't want to get into her savings. Then her tax return check showed up so I suggested that we go shopping. Just us. Something that was rare the entire time she was growing up. I enjoyed watching her model her outfits. I could relish that though she is 'growing' away into an adult. She isn't 'going' away. Not just yet. She's always been the easiest to shop with and we oohed and ahhed over dresses we had no place to wear but would if we did. As we waited in the check out line she nodded at me to look behind me. I heard the excited banter and joking tones. It was some grandparents. I turned around to see an impeccably dressed gray haired women holding a large Horton (Horton Hears a Who) and a jolly grandpa loaded with baby paraphernalia, obviously on a grand baby shopping spree, followed by a young woman with a tiny baby in a sling. Middlest became giggly. And I? I teared up again, only just slightly, in the middle of the same damn department store. This time over grandparents and babies. Because a couple days before.....
Biggest called.
She said: There are two pink lines on this thing but the second one is a little blurry.
What does that mean?
SURPRISE!
It means that in November when My Littlest will be graduating from boot camp and leaving home for good, someone else will be arriving. It means that while my first baby will always be my baby, she isn't a baby anymore. And I have come full circle.
We were working out of town on Monday. When we arrived at our hotel I glanced at our room number. 313. And that, that is my mothers birthday: )
Next week will be My and the SeaMonkey's Silver Wedding Anniversary.
Back when we were first married 25 years seemed like A LONG TIME. Now I look at it and think, where did it go? That was fast. I could get all mushy and write a post about how much we still love each other. Because we do.
Or I could write about what it takes to make a marriage last, but....the fact is, that marriage can be hard and having arrived at this milestone I have no easy, simple or anything not approaching endless, answers as to why we've made it this far.
Except we still love each other. Because we do.
So I thought it would be easiest to tell the story of my wedding. It had it's ups and downs and could be a vignette representing how things go in our lives.
One evening we were planning on going out and I was ironing the Seamonkey's shirt because I was being all "wifely" and stuff as a*hint *hint, when the SeaMonkey came in and set a box on the ironing board and said, "Will you marry me?" and kind of walked off a few feet like he thought I would throw it at him. I said, yes, of course, why else would I be doing all that ironing and called my mom and best friend and then we went out. We met in December, moved in together around February and this was around April, I think. You see we had already talked about getting married so even though the moment was a surprise the concept wasn't. After much thought we settled on the following February. Valentines day of course.
Ok, disorganised young people with no money plan a wedding.
My parents were of the "You've been living together and you want a what" old school of parents who were not going to pay a huge amount for a wedding for people who already lived together. I think they were still paying for my oldest sisters wedding 15 years earlier. Anyway, they would pitch in but it would be small. One day at work my mom called and said there was an antique show at the mall and she saw the cutest dress. After work she and I went to see it. Now my fantasy wedding dress would have been Maria's in Sound of Music. This was a WW2 era dress but the resemblance stopped there. It was hand made. Custom sewn for someone. It was beautifully made. Top to bottom cream lace. Princess style. It wasn't what I envisioned but it was lovely. And the price was right. We shlumped across the mall with it to the food court restrooms where I tried it on. With an audience of about 10 other young women in the restroom, it was packed! By some miracle it fit like it was sewn for me. "Are you getting married?" "Oh, that's so pretty." "You should get it!" All sweet comments from my new friends. I had a helpful peanut gallery of people I'd never seen before. So I bought it. For $150.00.
We would have one attendant each. I went to JC Penney to get a veil and let my Maid of Honor/BFF/Otherwise known as 57ChevyBug/ pick out a red dress. I bought it for her because her budget was even tighter than mine. This gave me the go ahead to harrass her that I was dressing her as a scarlet woman to offset my virginal purity. Then the bridal shop lady let me know she had a side thing going on and could make my veil, the cake, topper and silk flowers really cheap! Now BFF the Bridesmaid worked for a florist but we didn't need very much and being me I liked the idea of keeping them forever, so silk it was!!
Now I won't get into the long story of church but it was yet another miracle when I found out my husbands family were members of a Lutheran church that I had often attended with friends as a child and had always loved even though my family were Catholics. We both loved the pastor. That was easy : )
My favorite color at the time was red. A large portion of my clothing and my car were red and we thought Valentines day would be perfect because we were so romantic and stuff, right? And I already bought a red bridesmaid dress and found cream tuxes with red cummerbunds to rent! Except we really didn't know what we were doing and by the time we got to it, February 14th was booked up at church. So we moved it back a couple weeks to March. Thank God we realized we needed to do this before invitations, which we also barely did in time. We splurged on those. Because my parents paid for it. I still have half a box of them because I messed up and counted how many people were coming instead of couples or families.
My bachelorette party was me, my BFF/Bridesmaid/57ChevyBug and my mom and two aunts and my moms friend who was like an aunt, drinking hot tea and talking. It was Perfect : )
Oh yeah, My family gave me a shower. A family shower where I was given a lovely negligee and my brother N remarked ;
"Oh yeah, wrap it in a pretty package and make him think he's getting something new."
Sweet, Huh?
Finally it was The Day.
We lived in a very warm climate. I woke early that morning just before light and peeked out the window to witness the dawn of my wedding day and:
It Was Snowing! Amazing and Beautiful. What could be a more perfect sign!
My husbands friends said it was a sign Hell froze over because he was getting married ; )
My BFF and I had spent the night at my moms even though she was already married. We needed one more night of giggle on the couch before we were both officially grown ups. We began our day by driving into town to the JC Penny Side Job Ladies house to get the supplies. She actually did an incredible job. My stuff was truly beautiful! My BFF did the driving. She was the worst driver in the world. We had a huge shared copy of East of Eden we passed back and forth for years, that I stole from the library when we were 14. (Hey, at least my juvenile delinquent self was limited to stealing good literature from the library. I paid for it later, truly, I swear! With overdue library fines. ) Anyway, the book was on her dashboard and she took a corner like Richard Petty and I watched as it slid all the way across the dash and plummeted toward the cake. Which was in my lap. I let go with one hand a caught it just in the nick of time. Well almost. Just in time for it to only nick a tiny spot on the cake. That Was Close!
Ok, later at my moms we were fixing our hair. I had very long straight hair. My mom just wouldn't have that . My long hair had been driving her crazy for years. She was so upset that I had gone all fashiony for a few years and wore it styled and then regressed, when I met my surfer dude, into Malibu Barbie again so she sent the BFF and I to a salon. As I sat down I realized the chick in the next chair was the bar waitress who constantly flirted with my future husband and would bring him drinks without being asked and pointedly did not bring them to me. We made sure we loudly discussed what we were getting dolled up for. I didn't scratch her eyes out because I had just done my nails and besides I was getting Married-LOUDLY. The stylist then turned my hair into a wild mass of cork screw curls that stuck out from my head kind of like a fair haired Roseanne Roseannadanna. Maybe she was friends with the other chick. Who knows! The SeaMonkey said he liked it later. Maybe it made him feel like he was getting something new...; )
Finally the BFF and I arrive at Church and are directed to the children's Sunday School room to get ready. We dressed in our gowns and realized we were still early so we sat at the piano and banged out Heart and Soul together repeatedly. Which is something we had been doing since we were thirteen and it really is one of my favorite memories of my wedding. Then everyone else showed up.
My dress was old. My shoes were new. My garter was blue. Something borrowed? Well, close enough. My mom came in and started screwing with my hair because, just think, she didn't like it. Then almost at the last minute we realized the comb from my veil was missing. At that moment the Pastor came by to say "Hi, are we ready to start" saw our panic and then ran all over the church, wearing his surplice, lobbying for bobby pins. Something borrowed. There you go.
What was the SeaMonkey up too? Well. As I mentioned, my wedding was cream colored with red accents. The Seamonkey had a cream colored tux. The Seamonkey was known for going commando and didn't think ahead. He put on the cream tux and realized Uh Oh! But his brother came to the rescue so he was wearing something borrowed too ; )
The rest is a huge blur that cleared momentarily at the reception but then fogged over again near the punch bowl ; )
According to the photo's everything was lovely and we had a wonderful time.
The next day we set off on our honeymoon. We didn't have reservations because part of our plan revolved around how much cash was in our wedding cards so we counted it the next morning. We took all our wedding gift money and what we had been able to save and thought we'd be able to travel a little bit and check out the night life in Atlanta and maybe continue on to the mountains for a couple days. That was all the time we had and all we could afford. We hopped in our pick-up truck with the giant mud tires and were off. Just my new husband and I and.....the dog because we didn't have anyone to take care of him. It was also freezing out so let me phrase that as: Just me, my new husband and a doberman squeezed into the cab of the truck.
(Customary Digression to say that if you think it's weird to bring a dog on your honeymoon, when my BFF 57 ChevyBug got married I bought her honeymoon. Not much, just a cabin in the woods for a weekend because they wouldn't have had one otherwise. At the time another friend (a girl) was living with them and ChevyBug kept complaining about her always being around. So I rented them a cabin so they could have some time alone and then when they went on their honeymoon they Brought the Girlfriend With Them! Now that was weird. But maybe that's why we were BFF's for so long. We didn't ask personal questions, like, " if I spent money to send you somewhere why the hell did you bring Debbie? " Girl wore bright red nail polish and earrings with a pale pink floral dress to my wedding. Clashed up several snapshots.)
Anyway....
We roared along the freeway until we hit the outskirts of Macon Georgia. Quite the Metropolis in 1986. I think they had 2 stop lights ; ) Which is when we heard the loud bang....of one of the tires popping. The SeaMonkey put on the spare and we hobbled along on a tilt and just hit town before another tire blew out. So we went directly to a tire shop. Where they took most of our money. Big mud tires cost a lot more than normal tires. Then again, it's lucky we were in that truck because otherwise we would have stood out like sore thumbs and someone may have noticed when we snuck the dog into the Holiday Inn. (All we were missing was a gun rack but the truck was pretty new and it wasn't hunting season so they probably figured we hadn't put it up yet) Luckily we still had enough money for a Holiday Inn and that they actually had a Holiday Inn and there was a Steak and Ale within walking distance. We could have a nice meal and A Drink for sure. Except it was Sunday and a dry county so we had a soda instead. Then we went back to the room and hung out with the dog. And came home Monday.
For years I thought I would like to throw a party for our 25th Anniversary. Invite all the people that were at our wedding. Most of them are still around with the exception of my parents and my husbands best friend from that time who have passed away and sadly my BFF/57ChevyBug who now belongs to a religious cult in another state and thinks I'm Satan. Seriously. So some important people are missing and we don't see the others socially anymore. And. Despite our fuzzy beginnings we aren't much for the parties these days. Having thrown another wedding just over a year ago that kind of fills my party tolerance quota for a good while. Though I sometimes joke, we actually rarely drink and don't go out much. We are simple folk. And Luckily, we had the chance to sneak in some fun on our recent trip because, How WILL We Be Spending Our Silver Anniversary?
Well, I will be spending it at the hospital with my sister while she has bi-pass surgery on her femoral artery. I really don't mind at all. You see, one thing we did learn in 25 years is that the things that seem to be constant are US and Family. Being there for each other is what really matters. (besides, who wouldn't be there for a woman who says, "I don't know about the surgery. Maybe if I lose my leg Paul McCartney will marry me after all!" ; ) I need to make sure she gets on that table. Plus, we are also in the middle of a big project and wouldn't have had time for a "Ta Do".
We have had many Wonderful and Blessed times. We have had Troubles and Heartaches to spare. I guess you could say this silver has some tarnish. In the corners and crevices it has settled in but it makes the shiny bits gleam more brightly. I find it so much more beautiful that way. More depth. More character. This 25 years has been used and used well. It has withstood everyday use as well as fancy, formal and solemn occasions. Taken it's bumps and falls and scratches and it's glow still shows through. I wouldn't want it back shiny new and polished for anything in the world.
I think it has a Wonderful Patina. One that makes it More Valuable in my eyes.
When I was about fifteen I heard a song. I would sometimes get tears in my eyes when I heard it. It was a simple little song but I remember thinking it was one of the sweetest songs I ever heard and really described all I ever wanted. To be loved and needed in a way that was lasting and strong. I hoped that someday someone would feel that way about me. And that I would feel the same way about him.
I didn't imagine as far as being middle aged and driving down the road and having the song come on the radio and that he would still turn to me and say, "this makes me think of you." Or that I would still get tears in my eyes because it was all I ever wanted.
But you know what?
I got that. All I ever wanted.
And he still treats me like he's getting something new ; )
It started raining Friday and continued all night into the morning. The ceremony was scheduled for 1PM. Biggest was supposed to be at my house at 8 to help finish up but didn't get there till eleven. We were postponing setting up outside in case we needed to move things inside.
At
11:30 The rain began to stop but it was overcast & cold & misty
12:00 We decided to set up tables outside because it looked like real rain was over with.
12:30 Biggest realized she forgot to bring the plates & napkins.
12:32 My husband & the groom went to get them.
12:45 I went out to check on set up & found 20 people huddled in my carport.
1:00 Plates arrived and groom still had to shave and get dressed.
1:15 The sun began to break through and warm up the yard.
1:20 The The CD player jammed & Middlest boyfriend was called to the rescue.
1:25 Everyone was in place & the door opened to full sunshine beaming down.
It was a beautiful afternoon. If we hadn't had the mishaps the ceremony would have been held in damp & overcast weather. It's easy to forget sometimes that when you think your prayers aren't being answered, there is someone wiser than you in charge. It was an unconventional wedding, my kids won't stay in molds & Biggest found a guy that doesn't either. And it was a whole lot of fun. Biggest laughs when she is nervous & she giggled from the time she & her father hit the door, through the entire ceremony and all the way back inside afterward. Middlest took some fabulous pictures and Littlest created the most awesome chocolate wedding cake ever seen. It was delicious & I think she got more congratulations than the bride and groom.
My husband & I ? Well we cried of course, we have come a long way. But we laughed a lot as well.
And OMG! I have a Son In Law! Took me 23 years to have a boy & this one comes already trained!
An outdoor wedding has been planned. Six self invited guests. So 46 of the 40 chairs rented will be occupied. Husband spent 2 weeks planting, mulching, making the yard lovely. Every guest from out of town actually took the trouble to come. Parents who were warned that the house has stairs, second floor decks, a pool and a nervous dog,
are all bringing their small children anyway. And the bride still hasn't found the right shoes. No deposit back on rentals canceled within two weeks of event, even with bad weather. Interior living area comfortably holds about 25. Color scheme clashes with indoor Christmas decor. Seventy percent chance of rain (deluge) on Saturday!
I know, I know, things could be worse. And with all the problems in the world this is nothing. So I will look at the bright side. I don't think it will be quite cold enough to hail !
