I Think I Should get a Back Seat Driving Award

So.

I not only am one of the worlds most anally careful drivers I also am a paranoid passenger. I am usually the SeaMonkeys passenger. I wouldn't say the SeaMonkey is a bad driver. He isn't one of these people who speeds and weaves in and out of traffic, cuts people off and and runs red lights. He does have a tendency to get distracted though. He is one of those drivers that will be driving over a bridge and be looking over the side the whole time, pointing out to me, "Hey look at that!", while I clutch the door handle and keep my eyes glued to the road, because Somebody Has To! He also fidgets in the car, looking for stuff, digging in the glove compartments, while he weaves just a tiny bit back and forth and I keep a sharp lookout in the side mirror for possible traffic disasters. Sometimes he does this while stopped at lights and asks me to tell him when it turns green. He also waits till the last minute to hit his brakes when he's coming to a stop, while I squinch my eyes closed and brace my feet on the floor mats preparing for impact. He Does Not, Drive and Text! for which I am very proud of him...even though he doesn't text at all. He does sometimes play with his phone, turning on the GPS, but I yell at him to 'give me that-you drive!'..ok sometimes I might close my eyes and think, "the Seamonkey is a bad driver."
 I also am ever at the ready to yelp, Look Out! They're Stopping! There's Someone Coming! STOP! Which displeases him greatly. I know I'm not the only one who does this because I earned my backseat drivers license from my mother. She was a great teacher. And whenever I use those skills my husband echoes my father exactly.
"I Saw It!""Don't do that! You startled me! "YOU"RE going to make me have an accident.

So I began saying it very calmly and quietly. "that car is coming over." " they are slowing down."
But that didn't help either. The Seamonkey always told me; If you want to drive that's fine. Otherwise, don't say anything. If I get in a wreck it will be my problem.
Except...I'm in this car too...but ok....I'll keep quiet. And for some time now I have. I just tense up in my seat and look at my lap and pretend I don't know what's going on and think the words in my head, "we're gonna die.". Every now and then an OH! escapes me at a close call but I don't give directions. I zip my lip. Most of the time...sometimes...

So. Last week we were working out of town. We left our hotel on the drive to our destination and stopped at the end of a long line of cars at a red light. The Seamonkey suffers from terrible allergies at this time of year. He gets hives when he cuts the grass. So his eyes were bothering him and he started digging for his eye drops. And he put them in. He didn't ask me to tell him when the light turned green, so I didn't. Besides, we were very far back in line and he was way to close to that guys bumper and he hadn't started moving yet and I would probably startle the SeaMonkey and he would hit the gas too quick and end up hitting that car because he would get angry if I pointed out they weren't moving. The cars near the front were beginning to move forward and I just looked down at my lap and pretended I didn't know what was going on.

You know what happened next right?

The Seamonkey looked up, saw green and hit the gas-and went straight into the bumper of the car in front of us. yep.

Kaboom.

Luckily, this was an very kindly older man and it was low speed, so hopefully he won't wake up with whiplash just when we thought it was over.

As for the SeaMonkey he told me; "You can't say anything today. Just give me today and then you can harass me all you want. I know I have it coming. You can laugh at me tomorrow.

I said, I'm not going to harass you. I won't laugh about it.

He asked, You aren't going to harass me or say anything about this?

No, I replied, I really only have one thing to say:
 SEE!
  The first time I don't warn you , you have an accident.

mmmhmmm.

I didn't say I wouldn't say I wouldn't harass him on my blog ; )


P.S. Sorry about the annoying word verification but Anonymous finally got on my last nerve. Like they really think I get enough views to make their Spam worthwhile. The only consolation is knowing that they're wasting their time. I didn't want to block Anonymous comments because that's how my family comments (I like family Spam : ) and occasionally someone randomly finds me and actually takes the time to read and comment. That's lovely.

So please do put on your readers and try to decipher that mess.



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