We had a very nice Christmas. When the children are small the holidays seem a lot more eventful. It takes some adjusting as they get older and things calm down a bit. One of the nice trade offs I have found with my daughters as they grow up is the subtle change from being more concerned with what they are giving than what they are receiving. I find this a delightful transition that makes it easier to leave behind the magical Santa and reindeer stage. I especially enjoy watching as they bicker with each other one day and busily set about looking for just the right gift for each other the next. We spent some time with family. My son-in-law DecentGuy has a difficult relationship with his mother. They had originally planned to travel to spend Christmas with them but the when the plans were canceled I tried not to be too gleeful that I got them. But I was. To make it up to him, this might seem strange but it was perfect, we asked if he would like to cook dinner one of the nights. He was thrilled and chose Christmas Eve. He prepared both a smoked and a roasted turkey for us as well as all the fixings and it was delicious. He did a wonderful job and had a great time doing it, which made me happy. You see he likes things made from scratch. I roast a mean turkey but I go by the meal in a box school of cuisine, so it was a treat for everyone present!
Now I will visit the ghost of Christmas Past. The Christmas of 1984. This just happens to be my favorite week of the year. Not only is it Christmas but 26 years ago I was given a gift that led to another gift.
One of the most Precious Gifts of My Life. The only comparable being my children.
Some of you who have been around for a long time may have read a post I wrote last year for New Years that touched on this subject. Part of it told the story of a gift my parents gave me for Christmas but at the time I hadn't started using pictures on my blog yet. This time around I have a special treat. Now my parents usually had great taste. Even as a teenager I could ask them to pick something out for me and they would come home with something terrific. I even put them in charge of a bathing suit one time and they came back with a great suit that I honestly couldn't believe they bought for me! This time around I'm not sure what happened.
As a quick recap: The night after Christmas one of my friends wanted me to go out and I didn't really want to go that bad but decided to go anyway. I was behind on laundry so my wardrobe choices were limited. I had some clean black pants. I had my really killer scrunched white ankle boots. Hmm, What to wear with them? My parents had given me a sweater for Christmas. I was 19. I was a pretty sharp dresser if I say so myself. Fashion was one of my hobbies. I Did Not do cutesy. I Did Not Do Pink. I did pegged legs, converse and checks for casual. I did stiletto heels, cowl necks and narrow skirts for going out. I was going to a dance club. It was already ten o'clock at night and the day after Christmas. How many people would actually be out, right? So. I put it on. And that night I saw a really cute guy beckoning to me from across the room.
And this year I give you proof of my magical gift!
Proof that miracles do happen!
Proof that if something is Meant To Be- Nothing can stand in it's way!
Proof that Love conquers ALL!
Proof that my future husband may have already been drunk when I showed up.
Because This, carefully archived in my cedar chest. In perfect museum quality condition.....because I never put it on again, IS :
THE SWEATER I WAS WEARING WHEN I MET MY HUSBAND!
A similar pattern with sheep started this craze but when my parents saw this, apparently they knew it was for me. Because I like cats. And possibly was not aware at that time that I was the biggest dork on the planet.
But the dear man talked to me all evening. And danced with me. And offered to drive me home.
And has been by my side nearly every day of our lives since.
He says it wasn't the sweater, it was what was in it.
My parents were very pleased. I wore the sweater they bought me...and they could finally turn my room into a den.
I will never part with my magical sweater it will always stay in my box.
I will never part with that cute guy either..but him..I keep in plain sight!
There has been a lot going on the past week. So much that I have trouble keeping track and forming it in to a post. So I looked back at some of the texts we have been sending.
Mid and Big:
Mid: What do you want for Christmas?
Big: I want Adam Ant. But I want Adam Ant 20 years ago.....so you will have to build a time machine first....
Me and Littlest: Lit was staying after school to help with set up on a performance and then staying until we pick her up at 9 P.M. We are not late night people.
Afternoon.
Me: Are you Ok?
Lit: No...I'm dead..
Me: Does this mean we can return your gift?
Lit: No. Just bury me with it.
Later when Mid and I have come to pick her up:
Me: We are here. Come out or we are coming in to get you wearing our pajama's.
Lit: I would like to because this is awful but I can't get out, I'm sitting up high.
Mid: Walk out. Or I'm coming in wearing a blanket and a beanie!
Me and Big:
Me: If you don't tell me what the two of you want I am going to buy you matching Christmas sweaters.
Big: I don't know !!!!
Me: and plaid suspenders.
And a Proverb from Mid while Christmas shopping
Mid: Bitch about the devil and it will corner you in Hot Topic.
Which was Karma for saying nasty things about people she used to like and now can't stand while on her way to the mall.
Of course Big called me this week. At 9 o'clock at night. On a diatribe about some people who abandoned a 5 foot boa constrictor in a cold house with no food. It was of course safe at her house now. Which is when I gave her a lecture about keeping it tightly contained or it would warm up and eat one of her cats or something. She told me she knew what she was doing. The snake was barely moving, it wasn't going anywhere.
Come to think of it....I haven't heard from her since then... ; )
I actually have completed my Christmas shopping! Sort of. It is a good thing because my car was recalled and I made an appointment over a week in advance for a day I could leave it at the dealership. Because I needed it back ASAP. Which would be yesterday. When they took it and then called 5 hours later and said they didn't have the correct part. Most of the cars have the part that they keep in stock but mine was "special." They would have to overnight it and work on it today. Then they said, while it was there they kindly took a look around it and noticed that several things, like some belts and my brakes and some filters and the fuel injection were in pretty bad shape and might be a safety issue. While they were waiting for the part they would be happy to replace all of this for a grand total of $749.52.
To which we said, No ThankYou. How about you just fix the safety issue that your company created. The one that involves bad soldering and the engine possibly stopping without warning. Then we called the place we usually get work done and gave them the list of things and they told us they could fix all that for $240.00.
Now this morning something miraculous happened. The dealership called at 7:30 A.M. and my car is already finished. Why, they must have had that part brought in on the wings of angels and elves must have worked on it all night to get it done so early. Since I needed it ASAP. The SeaMonkey had already left for a job. I'm trapped here now. Those poor elves worked so hard for my car to sit in the parking lot all day till I get a ride up there. Now I would have liked to finish up a few spare gifts because I decided that Biggest and DecentGuy need some socks. What are they going to do if I don't get them some socks for Christmas.
It's a tragedy that's what it is?
I guess I will do some wrapping today. And maybe even vacuum....
Hey, I was looking for the moon night before last and I couldn't find it....
I have to admit that I dearly lovely my Christmas decorations. My husband doesn't get it but I just do my own thing. I am not a terribly picky person but I am, let's say....a pain in the ass about my Christmas tree. I don't go for huge, my house won't hold it and I don't go for "decorator" that's not my style. The one rule I follow is color coordination. I use green, red, white and silver. After that if I like it I cram it all on the tree. I have everything from Waterford crystal to the dollar store. Some lovely things that were my mothers and everything the kids ever made in preschool. Luckily my kids were brainwashed early. They knew the color code and didn't vary from it. Littlest tries to talk me into leaving them off every year but they are going on that tree, along with the 3 babies first Christmas ornaments.
But the thing I am truly inflexible about is the tree.
We get a fresh one and every year I drive my husband out of his mind picking through every tree looking for one that is perfect. Literally. It had to be symmetrical. It has to be full. It can't have holes. The top has to have a sturdy perfectly straight tip to hold the heavy slip on star my parents gave us. We always start the weekend after Thanksgiving and this year my husband slipped out early and went to pick it out himself. I waited at home worrying about what he would return with. What if it was too skinny? What if the top wasn't right? Maybe I should have insisted on going. Eventually he returned and cut the net and out spread....A Perfect Tree. It was gorgeous. The most perfect tree we have found in years. Everything about it was just right. I was beside myself with joy. Littlest and I decorated our hearts out and have been basking in the beauty of our handiwork. Why the star was even tilting which you may know is a look I've been going for lately. Until this weekend when something became apparent. An excess of needles littering the floor. I ran my hand along a branch. A veritable downpour. I had noticed this tree seemed to be slow on sucking up the water. We had the end cut properly and had checked it regularly but the level had only seemed to fall within the last week and when I checked it was still full at the level I had filled it to 2 days before. My decorating isn't the only reason this tree looks like a mess. The color was fading. The branches were twisting and drooping. Some were becoming bare.
The Perfect, Beautiful, Tree of all trees ......
WAS DEAD
I guess we could have limped it along but the fire extinguisher sitting alongside it, just in case, may have ruined the overall theme. Despite it's being an appropriate bright seasonal red.
My husband grumbled and said he wasn't paying for another tree. He finally asked if I was willing to sacrifice my gift for another tree, to which the answer was yes. Because I have a lot of stuff but I only have Christmas a few weeks a year. So off we go on Sunday hoping for the best. Which was no longer available among the 20 or so trees left in the tent. Most of which were in about the same shape as the one at home. When the attendant asked if we needed help my husband said he didn't know as we were replacing one we bought there recently that was inferior. Only he didn't use the word inferior, he used a different word that I thought wasn't very reflective of the holiday spirit, that prompted the man to knock $20.00 off whatever we picked out. There really wasn't much choice. Basically one tree was still fresh and green and healthy looking. It was small. It had a couple holes. It was not exactly symmetrical. It did have a sturdy straight top...that was devoid of needles. But it was alive and that was our priority. Especially after the look I got from my husband when I mumbled something about looking somewhere else. Now this truly was a blessing because when he went inside to pay, the manager approached and asked about the tree and told the cashier to take another 50% off so we got the tree for ten bucks. I'd say that's a deal. At least if you ignore the part where we paid for the 1st tree so ultimately my lumpy little tree cost us more than a 6'+ perfect tree.
But we will feel blessed to have a tree at all, won't we? Yes. Since I offered to skip getting a present this year in order to get another tree. So when we left my husband said," $10.00 isn't bad. Hey, I just got off real easy on your present this year. " MmmHmmm.....
Then he said,"what do you actually want?" And I said, "I don't know, maybe some boots." And then he said, "I don't like you in boots." (Note: I WAS WEARING BOOTS WHEN I MET HIM!) And then I said, "I like boots and they are making pants legs more narrow now and when I wear the shoes you like they are too clunky and it makes me look like I have Minnie Mouse feet and Stacy & Clinton say that woman in their forties shouldn't run around in white tennis shoes all the time." And then...he didn't say anything else.
Anyway...I took it home and took the other tree apart and proceeded to start over. Littlest took a look and said, "Mom, you know there is no way you are going to be able to fit all those ornaments on that little tree don't you?"
What? Ha! You just watch me.
Oh yeah. Every last one one.
And star is even tilting. I just left the extra long tip intact and the star reaches almost as high. Or looks like it if you're short like me anyway. It's perfect. It reminds me of a little rocket about to take off.
Now I wasn't going to do a photo shoot of my Christmas decor because I don't like to show off my insane overdecorating fetish my wondrous decorating skills but when I was working on this clutter little scene I like to create with more crap I collect some of my Winter Silhouettes collection......
I had to stop because some people were annoying me wanted dinner and when I came back I found that some unexpected guests had joined the party.
Aragorn and Legolas always like to be a part of the holiday festivities.
Not to be outdone, Harry Potter apparently took part in a Christmas Pageant...
Because I'm sure he's not abducting the baby Jesus....right?
In other news.....
To add to our week our well pump has been breaking piece by piece for the last 4 days and whether we have water or not is always an adventure. We weren't expecting the expense of course at this time of year but if I get a $10.00 tree for Christmas I guess my husband gets a new well pump and switch.
It's a family gift really. Running water.
Over a week ago a strange cat showed up at my house. He was gorgeous. A huge neutered male Tabby who was in excellent condition. He was a 6 toed Hemingway that was obviously a lost house pet. He was starving and it was freezing and we took him in and began searching for owners. Nothing. He had no collar, we had him scanned and there is no chip. No signs, nothing in the paper. Animal control had no reports but they asked if we would hold him or if they should come get him. He was pretty cool and we said we would hold him. If he had been dumped we were willing to keep him. Within a week we realized some things. He is mean as hell. He bites and scratches. He doesn't like other cat's..or dogs..or people. He shreds furniture. As soon as he uses the cat box he starts screaming until you clean it. Gee, I wonder why no one was desperately searching for this cat?
But, we still thought he was cool and we figured we might keep him if he isn't claimed so we decided to let him stay rather than turn him into Animal Control because we did volunteer to keep an eye on him. Until yesterday when I left him on the second story deck to get some fresh air and apparently the threat of death was better than us and he took a dive off and made a run for it. What do you want to bet they realize they lost their cat tomorrow? Truly, it's unusually cold and I hope the poor thing gets back here or was just taking a vacation and went home. We shall see.
Other than that we have been having a treat for me which is record cold weather in my area. I have been extremely busy and haven't had much time for blog world but I honestly have been spending most of my free time, comfy on my couch, drinking hot tea and enjoying my Christmas decorations. It's just so cozy that I don't even want to go out. Which is why I still have not done my Christmas Shopping. Nothing. I don't shop online unless I'm desperate and my kids are way more blase' about their gifts than when they were little. They won't write a list. I don't know what they want. I was thinking of going this morning, until I reached down and pulled something that caused an excruciating nerve pain in my lower back and I pretty much haven't moved a lot since. I was planning on finishing this post this morning and the only reason I'm biting the bullet through it now is to keep myself alert till Mid gets off work because I have to pick her up. I'm rambling because I'm tired...anyway... I guess I'll shop eventually. For the time being I'm plenty festive just enjoying my Rocket Tree. And reminding myself. To remember that the tree isn't what it's about. The decorations aren't what it's about. The shopping and gifts aren't what it's all about.
We are blessed with things as simple as running water.
We are blessed to have room to offer at our inn. Even if a perilous death defying plunge is more acceptable to some guests. We are blessed that the babe was born...for us and all our foolishness.
If Christmas is your thing this is what it's all about. Joy and Peace to You!
If not... I wish You Joy and Peace wherever you find it : )
I've heard more than once that parents tend to get more lenient with successive children. Why is that and is it true? I have to say it was true of my parents. Then again I was the last of 5 and 9 years later. Not to mention I followed two boys. But was that the reason?
I tend to think my parents just got tired.
But I do believe that you have to take the individual child into consideration.
When we started out we were strict parents. Really Strict. Our oldest taught us that you can be strict all you want but that doesn't mean anyone is going to listen to or obey you. What did we do when it came to the next one? We relaxed. A Little Bit. Just a little. For instance giving them a little more personal freedom to get themselves around town at a younger age. Riding bikes to the library and nearby places the kids hang out.
This was at 13 for Mid.
Lit could go with her at 11. So when Lit hit 12 and Mid didn't want to go somewhere we heard a whole lot of complaining...from both of them. Sooo, we let Littlest go on her own.
How did relaxing things work? Well. It didn't stop Mid from making stupid decisions. Once. Twice on a couple of things. But she straightened up -or shut up and flies under the radar really well. I have highly advanced "Mamadar" as I call it. Middlest is not very ambitious. Having made a couple of stands I think she realized that partying and sneaking out takes a lot of effort. Now that she has realized the full extent of freedom you can reach as a minor in our home she doesn't do much. Her curfew has been eleven since she turned 17. Most of the time she turns up between 9:30 and 10. I figured I would up it to 12 after the first of the year because she was heading to graduation and 18 next year. I'm not sure if it's even worth it because she rarely stays up that late.
Where my real laying down of my arms comes in is with Littlest. Not only is she the biggest pain in the butt when she wants something she also has the most common sense. As younger siblings always do she points out that her sister having a privilege she does not is "not fair." The problem with that is that it is fair. To which she will point out that "I never cause any trouble. I never do anything wrong." Then she will list Everything her sisters have done as an example. She is right about that. The fact is I have let her do multiple things earlier than I allowed her sisters to. Littlest Rarely gets grounded. She is destroying my blog rep. (Note to Lit: That does not mean have at it.)
These were some of our basic rules:
No online social networking until 14
No riding in cars with teen drivers until 15
No car dating until 16
No dating out of you age range- we figured 1, possibly 2 years was fair.
Curfew was 10 P.M. at age 15
10:30P.M. at 16 and 11P.M. at 17.
Now Biggest of course doesn't even count. The basic rule in her teen years turned into "if you come in screwed up and start tearing up the house and threatening us we are calling the cops."
The social networking went out the window when Mid was 13 and Lit 11 because I caught them with My Space accounts that they were using at the library. I noticed they suddenly spent much longer there and did a search. Sure enough. They were in trouble but we discussed it and realized it was safer to have it under our control by being aware of what was going on.
Middlest made some bad decisions a couple of times her sophomore year. She fell in with a bad crowd and I was amazed that another of my kids was messing up though it wasn't even on the same planet compared to her sister. After Biggest anything they come up with seems like an anticlimax to say the least.
The source of the trouble with mid? The boys she was dating. Now she was 15. She could have boyfriends her age but the environment had to be supervised. So what happened? Well the boys her age that she chose were the kind that think they are sneaky. The kind who have older people ( Moms, can you believe it) willing to drive and pick up young ladies that are sneaking out in the middle of the night. They didn't know they were dealing with an expert. So while Middlest spent most of sophomore year being grounded for grades and being stupid, I think with her it got old quick. Living on the street or hiding in flop houses doesn't sound as fun to un-ambitious young people. Then when she was almost16 she met a new boy. He seemed pretty nice. A decent enough kid.
Who was getting ready to turn 19 freakin years old. But you know what? I was getting a little tired. We said, ok. On a trial basis.
If he is willing to put up with your tight rules we will see what happens. Fourteen months later he is still around, though I did joke with her when he turned 20 last summer a few weeks before she turned 17 that he was now too old for her and they had to break up until her birthday. The verdict? He is very respectful of her. She has not been in trouble once. She is always home on time or earlier and there have not been any signs of being impaired. Her grades? Well that should be obvious but this year I stop grounding her for them. She is nearly an adult. If she doesn't keep up it is only herself and her future she is hurting. She is old enough to understand that.
Now I did recently find she was committing what I guess would be a mid-line infraction. I'm getting a little tired. I wrote a note that said,
"you have been busted, quit being a dumbass". The End.
She is almost grown up and that is about how much power I have over some of her choices.
Now, where was I going with this? Oh yeah,
Littlest.
Littlest goes to a school that takes up her weekday from 7 am to 4:30 pm. It is 45 minutes away and the kids come from all over our city. The result is that she has very little social life both because of time and also because most of her friends live miles away. There are some parents who are willing and able to spend Every weekend driving around all day for their kids social engagements but we are not among them. Special occasions, of course. Driving and hour both ways to play video games? Um, No. This has resulted in yes, allowing her to ride in cars with teen drivers on a few occasions. Including an hour long ride to visit a Con which also resulted in a slight extension of curfew because the drive was so long. Which made Middlest really mad but whatever.
Then there is dating. Now Lit has liked someone for a very long time but that is going nowhere. She hasn't had a "boyfriend" since about 7th grade which is when she grew out of the like somebody new every week stage of her friends. The problem with Lit is that she is one of those girls whose age is hard to determine. She is conservative with make-up and dresses well. Though she can be a complete goofball, when she first meets people her demeanor tends to be rather serious and mature for her age. She is a cute girl but she isn't the flirtatious type. This tends to make her seem older than she is. While boys her age seem intimidated by her she has had college age boys drawn towards her since she was around 13, simply because she does not act like she is trying to get their attention. There have been a few embarrassed young men who assumed she was closer to Middlest's age. Last summer, at a club she attends, Littlest met Spike.
Or a reasonable facsimile of.
Spike liked Littlest. And Littlest liked Spike.
What she didn't realize at first was that he was 18.
She was almost 15 but to me 18 or 800 it's all the same. That would be a NO.
But Littlest had already said she would go out with him. Um, what? You are not allowed to date a boy that old. Knowing teenage girls like the back of my hand I considered the possibility of her sneaking to meet. But this was Littlest. She is a different breed. Now considering what happened with Mid and the fact that forbidden makes the heart grow fonder I told her he was welcome to come to our house and visit with her any time. And that was it. He came a couple times. Then the poor kid starting asking her to go do stuff. She just kept putting him off. I watched for signs of sneaky. I got nothing. The fact was she wasn't ready for a relationship with someone that much older than herself and being an unusually astute girl she realized this herself. She wormed her way out of the situation. She said she got caught up in someone liking her and quickly realized it was a mistake. She wasn't comfortable with a boy that old. She caught her own mistake.
Now report cards were not so beautiful last time around but not a disaster so I let it go.
We just had progress reports though and for the first time Ever Littlest grades are lower than her sisters.
I'm not sure why. Maybe it's because she made it through 9th grade without causing any trouble and decided to relax a little. Maybe she was hoping for a featured post on my blog. She says it's just hard and she's tired. Yet she refuses to go to Middlest's high school which take off substantial pressure.
All I said was "You need to get these grades up." And that's all I'm going to say.
I have not been around much lately thanks to a large workload that seems to descend every year about this time. My presence has been required on some projects outside the office lately as well as a mountain of paperwork when I am in. I'm very tickled today because I was supposed to work but we are ahead on the project so my husband said I could have the Day Off! To ...do the grocery shopping...and there is the fact that the state of my house Finally Got To Me and I've been putting in some time doing damage control. After all, I noticed the holidays are coming and I inherited a system from my mother that consists of having a hissy the week before Thanksgiving and forcing a grumbling household to scrub the house from top to bottom because, though I may overlook A Lot, I refuse to decorate for Christmas on top of dirt. I cleaned everything including my dusty chandelier...maybe ; )
When we were finished I went to the kitchen and found that the Seamonkey and Middlest someone had attempted some repositioning techniques.
By the way...My Kitchen Artwork is provided by
My Brother J.
Fixture provided by Home Depot..or Lowe's..I don't remember.
And also by
My Mom and my Sister the Mighty Ms. K.
I kind of like it this way. I'm leaving it.
The moon was obviously doing it's thing this week.
Biggest called and said she decided she wants to be an anthropologist...or something like that.
I said, "Ok"
Then her phone was cut off because she didn't budget well this month. However she does know where we live and they used their gas to drive to our house on Sunday to borrow money till she got paid on Monday because they needed gas. I didn't have any cash.
The moon seemed to be keeping the girls busy with dreams.
Middlest woke up the other morning and came directly to me. She had an important message.
She said the moment she woke up she had the thought that:
"Noah's Ark was actually a spaceship and that's why we can't find it."
I said, Ok.
Speaking of dreams...
Littlest seems like a tough cookie in so many ways and has so many interest's that I can only imagine the things she will do and be one day but, there is one thing I'm pretty sure of ...
Littlest: I had a dream and when I woke up I was so sad I wanted to cry.
I dreamed I was a mommy and I had a little girl. Her hair was blonde and her eyes were grayish. It was Christmas and she was wearing purple plaid pajamas and her hair was messy and she was all excited because it was Christmas and sitting in my lap opening presents and calling me Mommy and I was So Happy!
I was a little puzzled. Me: Well what was wrong? What happened that made you want to cry!
Lit: I woke up and it wasn't true.
Me: (I said nothing, I couldn't speak...because my throat felt all funny...and stuff...)
Speaking of Littlest,
Overheard on the way to school.
We stopped at a light and there was a sign like this.
This is what followed. Lit: ( In an outraged voice) I find that sexist! They show the woman in a skirt and it looks like she's holding a purse.
Me: No, it's an equal opportunity sign. They are both on it. See, I think he is holding a purse too. And look, it's really very touching. He's holding her arm to gently guide her across.
Lit: No! She is not capable of crossing the road alone. She can only can get across because The Man is Leading her across the street. Like she isn't able to figure it out by herself.
Me: Ok. ( thinking: is she going militant feminist on me..?)
Mid. ( In an outraged voice) Are you Serious?! Do you Really find that sexist?
Lit: No.
Ok..
Speaking of the moon.
My husband has been losing some weight. ( Digression to deny that my husband is losing weight because since I have been blogging I have stopped providing food. I can prove this is not a legitimate charge. In my defense, I have gained 8lbs. since I started blogging. I rest my case.) The other day he came home and took his belt off to get more comfortable. Then he decided to go outside and turn on the sprinklers. We don't use a sprinkler system. Just good old fashioned hose and spinner. He turned it on and then decided to move it. Somehow it became out of control and was flailing wildly around his head and as he was struggling with it to keep it from whacking him- his pants fell down..to his knees...in the front yard.
Yeah....we are very popular....anyway...
With Thanksgiving approaching I am thinking of what I have to be Thankful for....that I haven't been blogging about.
1. A Big Deal. My father-in-Law collapsed at the movies a couple weeks ago. He has had heart problems as well as other health problems for awhile and had heart by-pass surgery a few years ago. He was in the hospital a few days while they did tests and they decided to put in a pacemaker. He is recovering nicely and is already showing a marked improvement over the way he has been feeling and functioning lately!
2.Though work has been keeping me from spending as much time as I would like visiting in blog world recently, I have to be Thankful that we had a pretty decent business year and we did ok. I feel incredibly blessed to have made it through another year. Next year is never a sure thing but for now we have survived. Amen.
3. I am Thankful for my dusty messy house. Even though it has to be cleaned.
4. I am Thankful that Biggest is around to give me nutty phone calls and borrow money from me and introduce my dog to people as her brother when I bring him in where she works. I am Thankful that her spot at the table will be filled on Thursday with a beautiful young woman who has not stopped dreaming.
And I love her.
5. I am Thankful that Middlest is a good girl. She is frustrating but kind. And that she has learned to make Hamburger Helper and eggs so I know she will be able to feed herself someday. And she Got A Job this week, Woo Hoo! I am so proud! She is almost grown. I am thankful that last night as I was sitting in bed reading she came and sat on the step to my bed and rested her head against me without speaking and we just sat silently for a few minutes while I stroked her hair before she rose and went to bed.
And I love her.
6.I am Thankful for my Littlest who provides my life with so much humor and tenderness. And that when I didn't have cash, she had twenty bucks and on her own, she lent it to Biggest when she came over. Because she is an awesome sister and daughter and she knows how to bake a cake. Because last night in the kitchen she stopped and rested her head on my shoulder and said "I Loves You."
Because I loves her too.
7.I am Thankful for my husband who works hard and worries and does everything he can to take care of his family. And because I still think he is a Hottie even though he's all weird about getting gray but I think it is adorable. Because we earned our gray together.
Plus who needs cable with him puttering around in the yard and I can see the full moon whenever I want ; )
And I Love Him.
8. I am Thankful for my family. I am thankful we can sit around the dinner table and really have a good time. Like the other night when it was "eat what you find" night and our conversation involved everyone's leftover choices which included, chicken Lo Mien, sauerkraut and hot dogs, macaroni and cheese, broccoli, and half a pork chop. I won't repeat this conversation but Middlest outdid herself by actually snorting out sauerkraut which just made the day worth while.
I Love My family.
9. I am thankful for finding blogging and the world of good it has done me and also for the Awesome people I have encountered through it.
I Love Blogging.
10. I am Thankful to be here and able to give thanks. And for Turkey and all that goes with it. Because it is one of my Favorite meals. And I have been so busy I haven't gone shopping for it yet. And I am terrified they will be out of those little brown and serve rolls because ....
I Love Those!
I'm getting hungry.
I'm starting to think about food. I need 1. Turkey 2. Rolls 3.Veggies....veggies?
Hey,...Middlest and Littlest...I was always so careful with what they were exposed to when they were little. It always surprises me how they behave with each other. It always drives me crazy because the way they have always related to each other reminds me of something but I can never quite put my finger on it..but....wait a minute....
This is a guest post written by my Big Sister. We are recognizing National Alzheimer's Disease Awareness Month here at Mom of the Perpetually Grounded. My sister took on living with my mom after my father passed away and was the closest witness to her decline for several years. She took on this job while maintaining a career as a police detective. Two of the most stressful jobs on the face of the earth.
She has done Tremendous work in both jobs.
So I bring you: The Most Awesome Big Sister; the Mighty Ms.K. (the one with the really cool suede boots)
In Memory of our Mom
I was the strong one and the one with no husband, or children. The one who helped when Daddy died, the one who took you back into my life after living alone for so many years. The last couple of years were the hardest….and I broke.
I was the nice stranger who cared for you, I was your sister you grew up with, but somehow never your daughter. You would look at me with those blue eyes and study my face, looking for some clue of who I was, looking for someone or something familiar. Tears would well up in your eyes as you realized you did not know where you were, or when, or how you were got there. Today it was 1942 and you were looking for your mom. Ten minutes later, it was 1983 and you were looking for my Daddy. It was then 1968 and you were looking for Johnny, “where is he, he should be home by now from school”.
We had more visitors from deceased family members than the ones who were living. They were not able to cope with what had happen to you. Alzheimer's. 8 years of sometimes slow, sometimes rapid decline. Then you would just sit and your eyes told me you were now somewhere else, another time and place I did not know. You no longer played the piano, playing the same song over and over again. You could not read a book, you could not even have a conversation anymore that made any sense.
Then sometimes, suddenly like a breeze across my face, you would look at me, know who I was and seemed to say…..I am still in here somewhere, I love you, thank you for still being here with me. Then just as suddenly you were gone again.
You were like a child. You would get so scared. I would hold you while you cried and it made me cry. I tried to make you feel safe. All the sleepless nights, finding you dressed, packed and ready to go, the searches for people who were no longer with us. The terror of suddenly finding yourself in a place and time you did not recognize.
I did as much as I could, but I was getting broken and I had to let you go. It broke my heart to leave you where they could care of you in ways I could not do any more. You died 4 months later.
I still grieve you. I miss you.
If you are a caregiver to a parent or family member with Alzheimers…not matter how strong you are, you can not do it alone. Don’t believe that you will be able to. You will break.
To the Mom of the Perpetually Grounded……Thank you for helping me get fixed again. I love you.
Luv Ya Back Mighty Ms. K.
If you are a Caregiver for an Alzheimers's patient you can visit alz.org to take the Caregiver Stress Check or find Caregiver Support in your area.
The other night we were sitting around the dinner table and having a discussion about whether college keeps you "in the box" and whether not going may encourage more creative thinking "outside the box" and lead to creation of ideas rather than insertion of ideas. I do want my kids to go to college for the experience and for the opportunities it can point them towards. I want them to be exposed to many ideas as long as they don't lose sight of their own. We discussed examples of people who became successful without a college degree, often by thinking outside the box and also the merits of making the box work for you without sacrificing your integrity or individualism and also the financial aspects when making a choice for, or against college. There is a very interesting article about that here washingtonpost.com .
What is best? Our school systems are "in a box" for the most part due to necessity. Funds and manpower can only be stretched so far. There are programs in some places that offer more individualized learning but they are not the norm. Should we all just sit quietly listening to the same tune over and over, then all pop up at the same time like Jacks in a box? Like a perfectly reproduced pop tart? In order to keep things functioning and compete in the world shouldn't everyone be prepared in the same way? Or should we all follow only a course that feels natural to us? That brings us fulfillment. What would happen to the world? To commerce? To service and government? What if we all decided to become ballet dancers? I have mixed feelings about this. I think it is really important to nurture natural gifts and talents and offer opportunities to those who wish to become skilled no matter what their area of interest. At the same time I worry very much about my children being able to compete for plain old survival in the real world.
My kids were in a gifted program through elementary school that was a part time, two day a week creative thinking/experimental environment type of class. In middle school the gifted program switched to merely an academic performance machine. Ready to turn out highly efficient workers that would proceed to Advanced Placement courses in high school and be college bound and credited before graduation. One of Middlest life long friends just skipped his senior year. It is cutthroat to get in state college. My girls aren't cutthroat kind of people. Well except Biggest if you make her mad enough but..beside the point.
When Biggest was a child she felt secure in this box. She liked knowing what was expected of her and enjoyed the challenge of "measuring up". She never came out of that box unless she was sure the song was complete and she would shine in the light. She conscientiously strove to meet or beat the criteria and come out on top. She thrived in a systematic learning environment until she died in it. When she couldn't meet her own expectations. When she began to be suffocated in the box she busted out with a bazooka. Unfortunately she blasted a hole in the bottom and fell into a black box. Full of monsters. When we reached in to pull her out she slapped our hands away. She had to bounce off the walls and fight her way through it herself. She found the ladder and came out battered, bruised and behind, but alive. She is just now awakening completely to the possibilities she may have by-passed. She has been outside the box for a long time and quite honestly has done well for herself but with great self awareness she is ready to face it again with the strength to use it to her advantage and not be used up by it.
I think Middlest was conceived outside the box like an ectopic pregnancy on the womb of standardized learning. She has been doing her own thing since day one. She is more like a Jack who escaped on it's spring and bounces from one wall to another constantly springing in a new direction. When she wants to learn she immerses herself and then moves on and has no interest in repeating herself. Year after year I have the same reports. When she does her work she does great work. The problem has always been that she is reading, writing or drawing instead of doing her work. She only does what she wants to do. She is inflexible. Common sense would say that this child could breeze her way to a teaching degree specializing in reading. The experts say that this is a highly needed profession and a good choice for the future. She wants to be an artist. She is very good. Will her creativity feed her? It's hard to say. Will college allow her creativity to flourish or stifle it? Will she be splashed across galleries someday or in a box designing a shoe box so that she can eat? Will it make her legitimate? Should she skip college and set up shop on a street corner? Will she have to hold up a sign saying, "Will paint you for food?" Littlest could stand next to her with one that says, "Will insult you for food."
I seriously don't know. And at this point, if she doesn't pray for the gift to speak in tongues, Middlest may be in danger of not graduating in time because of German. Who does that happen to? Why did she even take German, which would come in handy to be a Lutheran minister ( We are LCMS so only men allowed), an opera singer ( she can't carry a tune) or maybe work at Epcot? Though she once expressed an interest in working at Disney- as a Disney Princess. The kind that only ride the floats and waves so that singing wasn't required....anyway...so why German instead of Spanish or French like 98% of her class. Well, because Spanish and French are taken by 98% of the class...and ...well...there you go....
So far Littlest has been the one best able to balance. She can climb in and out of the box at will. When the tune finishes what pops out depends on what the tune was. When necessary she is diligent about conforming to expected standards. She likes to know the rules so that she can follow them to the letter. She wants everything pointed out in minute detail so that she does not vary from the correct course. She does not like it. She finds it boring and pointless and complains about it endlessly but she does it. At the same time, when it comes to her free time and personal thought she not only gets outside the box, she twists the lines to the extreme. She is more "out there" than any of us which in some ways makes her the most "well rounded".
Which is why when we were talking about "the box" she stayed relatively quiet while the SeaMonkey discussed the truth that higher education is not always requisite to success and Middlest espoused the benefits of going against the grain until a pause in the conversation left Littlest the opportunity to cheerfully pipe up in a moment of silence with
"I Think Inside The Circle"
Exactly.
Whereupon our intellectual conversation culminated with Middlest snorting milk out her nose.
So, I don't know. I want my kids to be able to thrive in the modern world and be self sufficient. But I want them to pop up to a tune they composed themselves.
Is this even possible?
Should schools strive to accommodate a variety of learning styles?
Or is it more important to be disciplined and 'standards' based to compete on a global scale?
Are some people more cut out to work their way up than learn their way out?
Or will my daughters end up in a creatively decorated Cardboard Box?
Before I begin you may be asking, Ms. G. What's up with all the picture posts lately? Have you been short on free time? Have you been distracted by business and family matters? Did you just figure out how to upload the photo's from the camera on to the computer without Middlest helping you?
The answer to all of the above would be yes. So here is yet another picture post.
Now though I have been trying to avoid it and have put it off multiple times, (with valid excuses like "I haven't done my toe nail polish and "not today there is a Buffy the Vampire Slayer Marathon on") The fact is the weather has finally done a downward turn and the girls are shivering to school in tank tops and a hoodie with a broken zipper. Plus, I finally wracked up enough credit card points for a cash gift certificate and that means it is time to go shopping...again.
Now some of you may ask, Why, Oh why Ms. G. do you put yourself through this? Why do you subject yourself to this punishment? Besidesslipping in a little something for yourself since it's free money. Those girls are in high school. Why don't you give them the money and let them shop for themselves, the little heathens?
Well, there is a very good reason. Left to their own devices they make some God Awful interesting purchases. For example:
The last time Littlest left the house with her own money burning a hole in her pocket she came home with
THIS HAT
Cute? Yes. Warm or Useful? No.
And
Last week Middlest was out shopping with her boyfriend and they decided to go to Goodwill and she came home with
THESE BOOTS.
Warm? Yes. Absolutely Authentic? Yes. And...and....yeah, my daughter wears Army Boots....Anyway...
As I was saying. If the money is coming out of my wallet...or my free credit card points....the shopping is going to be supervised.
If you have been around here for awhile you may be familiar with the fun filled shopping trips I take with my daughters. Awhile back we went on our World Famous (with Internet creepers) Bra Shopping Trip.
And then there was Our Most Recent Shopping Trip which was a very emotional and colorful experience. (especially in the language department)
Now due to my last shopping experience with the girls, I have decided to be prepared and this morning I did some pre-shopping shopping. We have a four day weekend and on Thursday I will be ready to hit the stores with my 15 and 17 year old daughters well prepared because I have purchased supplies.
Ok.
It was report card time here this week so I pretty much have had a migraine since Tuesday and I don't want to write about the kids. Because that migraine needs to stay away. It was a memorable one. Woke up at 4 A.M. and continued thru Wednesday in the kind of pain that makes you google aneurysm and brain tumor just to make sure.
Anyway. I'm a little wore out, have unfinished chores piled as high as my dusty chandelier and I have to work away from home over the weekend. One of those out of town but not far enough to warrant staying over jobs so I get to hit the highway and sit till my legs fall asleep and then have to work.
On the bright side, we will have a high of 65 today so I did a happy dance in my Real Shoes and now I'm literally and figuratively chilling out for a little while. I'm taking my weekend today. Which means I'm taking a nap.
If you haven't been by yet and feel like reading a serious post I have one below or you can kick your real shoes off, grab your cup of tea and listen along with me to one of my personal top 10. My all time favorite Eagles song. And then maybe take a nap.
I'll take it to the limit tomorrow.
I decided to include 2 versions just as an example that real talent and skill never fades. It just gains some weight and gets a haircut.
There is no guarantee either way. It might happen. It might not.
Just in case it happens someday..
This is you. These are your babies beyond the scrapbooks. These are the words that you did not always speak but chose to share. This is who you were and those you love at this period of time. I hope you are not desperately searching for them without seeing them in front of your eyes. Your parents are not here. It is most likely your brothers and sisters are gone too. Don't worry, you will see them soon.
Everyone is right, you shouldn't be driving. Those are your pills and you are supposed to take them. Take your shower and listen to them. They love you.
Your mother and your grandmother are not there now. But they were where you are now. Confused. A little lost. Sometimes really pissed off.
Your grandmothers cheek was like a silk cased feather pillow, dusted with powdered sugar when you rested against it. She used Ponds her whole life. Her voice was a river you floated along in a daydream as a child and you liked the way it sounded when she voiced the name of her sister so much that you named your youngest child the same so that you would continue to hear the voice. When she was young she was a flapper! She was really something. You weren't her favorite. She liked the brown eyed cousins best but that was ok. She lived with them and helped raise them. When this happened to her she had hallucinations of bugs. She would ask people if they could see them. Her grandmother had spoke German to her as a small child and she had forgotten most of it. One night she woke your uncle's family in the middle of the night yelling at them in fluent German. The mind is a very strange thing. Then she began to wander away from home. She got lost. They had no choice.
You saw what it did to your mom when this happened to your grandmother. You watched as she worked all day and then rushed to the nursing home almost every night. The attendants were washing your grandmothers face with soap. The silk was turning to linen. Coarse and wrinkled, when it began to peel your mother cried. She bought Ponds and would sit on the edge of the bed. Gently, lovingly rubbing the cream into your grandmothers face. Desperately trying to save ....something. Some part of her mother.
Your mother had more lines in her face but not a lot. She took some care. She loved to keep busy. Working, volunteering, just going somewhere. She was your friend. At first it was ok when it began to happen. You could tell her your favorite stories over and over and she never tired of them. Everyone joked the first time she put bologna in the freezer and then couldn't find it. It was years before these episodes began to show a consistent pattern. Long before it was obvious she once called, angry at your father because he had given away a special box. Did you have it? No, you don't remember ever seeing it. He just told her she was wrong. He didn't point out that it never existed. He just let her rant it out. After he was gone the problems at work became apparent. This new boss was undermining her. Plotting against her. She should retire. Then she began searching for the missing little boy. Where did he go? You felt sad because you thought she was missing your brother. He had been a grown man but he was her boy. She knew someone was missing that should not be. More people became missing. Ones who were long gone and the ones in front of her face.
The dead were waited for patiently, with purse in her lap. The family in front of her face, kind strangers. She enjoyed her visit very much but was ready to go home now. My husband and kids are waiting for me. Have you seen my mother?
You saw what it did to all of you when this happened to your mom.
So just in case
you are waiting for your mom right now, just relax. There will be time for that before you know it. Your face will have the most lines. It already does. You did not have the most difficult life. You stayed out in the sun too much. Dummy. Is there a cute old guy around? I bet he'll kiss you if you ask.
Your husband and children have said that if it happens they will keep you home and take care of you. You told them to please put you in a nice facility. This is a personal choice. You never want to be that kind of burden. You never want your grandchildren to remember a person who was not aware of their love. They can explain it to them all day long. It does not stop the pain.
Read. If you can't remember it is alright. You won't notice the difference.
Feel free to burst into song in public. I insist on it.
November is National Alzheimer's Disease Awareness Month.
Here are some ways you can help. Visit the Alzheimer's Association Website Donate Advocate
Join or start a Memory Walk in your area.
Or read for more information on Alzheimer's Disease and ways to help further the search for a cure.
The memory you save may be your own....or possibly mine ; )
Equally Important: If you know someone who is a Caregiver for a loved one with Alzheimer's, Reach Out. Support. Listen.
I really do like Halloween. I love a good ghost story. I've always enjoyed a scary witch and the nice ones too. But for the past few years I've had a little trouble getting in the mood. For one thing, my house is the last one on the road and my house is set back. Really dark and spooky. I rarely get kids at the door. I guess they don't think it's worth it. They don't know that if they are brave enough to venture through...I buy the good stuff.
I have a pumpkin. But when it's 85 degrees outside and 80% humidity you can't carve them until the last minute. They start to mold and cave in within 24 hours. So, until Sunday I have to make do.
It's just as good. Maybe Really
I don't have little kids to dress up and take out trick or treating anymore. No cookies to bake. No costumes to make. No school parties to help out with. So I have to make do.
They did this without treats.
Really Maybe
Now there is a bright side to all of this. When I look around my house I notice that I really can save a lot of money on decorations.
Again with my housekeeping. This is actually up 2 stories high and I took the picture from the stairs.
Not that I'm defensive about it or anything.
I cleaned it, maybe really.
Serena Miserena. Yes, she is that Evil.
REALLY.
And of course when the night is over....THIS....is all MINE.
What bag is already open? I don't see that. Maybe Really.
Biggest called me this week. She watched a documentary called The Last Tightrope Walker in Armenia.
Apparently after generations of this art it is down to one boy who must decide whether to continue. She said she was going to go to Armenia and join him and become one too so he wouldn't be the last one.
I said, Ok.
Littlest was bored and she went on the Army website and filled out their psychological /personality profile to see which jobs she would be best suited for. According to her profile, it told her she was best suited for Special Ops like the Rangers and Green Berets. Then it said woman couldn't enlist in these categories.
I don't know whether to be relieved or annoyed....
She drew this lovely picture of me.
I'm considering using it as my new profile picture.
What do you think ?
She promised to make fudge this weekend....
We overslept and were running late this morning so things were hectic. I drop Littlest off first at her bus stop first and then drop Middlest about a block from her school and let her walk the rest of the way because it takes longer if we get in the traffic and the exercise is good for her.
Mid climbs out mentioning she forgot her jacket. As I sit in the car, waiting for an opening to pull back out I take a moment to catch my breath and watch her walk down the sidewalk in the still gray, early light.
Tall and strong and womanly. She pulls her thick dark hair forward over one shoulder and begins to walk. She is wearing black skinny jeans, a lavender and gray plaid button up shirt, untucked, flopping about her hips and frayed purple plaid converse. Her green messenger bag slung across her back, banging at her hip. A long pipe of rolled up drawing paper swinging from her hand.
And for just a moment I get a pang in my chest. A tiny tightening much like I felt 15 years ago on the first day I dropped her miniature self off at preschool and watched the door close on her back.
As I turn away and begin to pull back out on the road I glance down and see.
The remains of a half eaten chewy granola bar resting on the console in my car......
