Tuesday, January 26, 2010

Guest Post by Littlest

I am unfortunately being cursed with a back spasm that goes full throttle if I sit at the computer more than 5 minutes and Littlest has volunteered to contribute. She wrote this as an assigment for school, she didn't actually follow the directions which were to create a synopsis of an emotion using satire, being my child she twisted the assignment to suit herself but she thought that it might be useful information for all of the parents out there.

If you are not familiar with Littlest yet she is 14, a high school freshman who is already diligently mapping out a plan  for college where she will major in psychology or psychiatry and minor in writing. She has already earned an Honorary Doctorate in Silly.  As her sisters say she was born 30 (which makes her emotionally and intellectually the same age as me, but I think she is actually smarter than me) and totally dry. To get a head start on her career she has begun her own clinical analysis with the subjects most near at hand, her sisters. She says her thesis is not compromised by little sisterliness. Hmm.....

I refuse to consider the prospect that she chose her future career so that she could figure out what's wrong with us. That said......

Stupid Teenager Disorder

Stupid teenager disorder is a widely known issue in our world today. It ranges from being unable to remove ones self from the couch no matter what the circumstances may be. To staying out all night partying. It of course is a very serious problem that must be fixed immediately.

A very important question to ask is how you know if you have this common disorder. Well, there are many kinds of Stupid Teenager Disorder. There is the Brainlessly Believing Your in Love Disorder, The Living Couch Potato Disorder, The Facebook/Myspace is My Life Disorder, The If My Friends Tell Me to Jump, I jump Disorder, the I Know Best Disorder, and many, many more.

One of the most common disorders you’ll see is the Brainlessly Thinking Your in Love Disorder. Hard to spot at first, it is well hidden but soon becomes very clear within days. It’s commonly known as an obsessive crush. The Symptoms are Believing He/She is “the one” after only a very short period of time, talking about  Him/Her to an obnoxious extent, texting Him/Her so often that they can’t carry a conversation with anyone else, and becoming very defensive if the issue is brought up to them. This direct symptom is short lived for the most part, but has a tendency for reoccurrence with every boy/girl friend.

The Living Couch Potato Disorder might just be the most widely known to almost everyone, and is found in up to 85% of people, age ranging from thirteen to early to mid twenties. Commonly known as laziness, Living Couch Potato Disorder usually causes ones legs and butt to almost physically form into their couch, it makes ones brain go fuzzy making it easier for them to ignore orders and other such. And the only way that they will be unearthed from this state is to go get food and other such waste that adds to the growing of the potato-ness.

The Facebook/Myspace is my life disorder is the problem of not being able to remove ones self from the screen. These people have a tendency to revolve around their computers and web enabled phones. Everything they do is constantly updated onto their wall or profile. It can come to such extents that their entire social life is Facebook/Myspace. This disorder is related to Living Couch Potato Disorder, and they can usually occur in unison.

Then there is the If My Friends Tell Me to Jump, I Jump disorder. This is a very serious disorder, also known as peer pressure. This disorder can be the most troublesome. It makes one act and think only as a group, and takes place in things that may be against ones individual morals. It may start small as maybe just laughing at a joke that wasn’t funny and possibly offensive just to fit in. This can lead to many unhealthy behaviors that are hard to drive away. This disorder is best dealt with in its early stages to remove future issues.

The last is the I Know Best Disorder. Widely known as a rebellious stage, I Know Best Disorder is common and doesn’t last forever. It’s hard to treat and may seem to thrive if left undisturbed. But poking at this issue may cause outburst of anger to occur. The disorder needs to be kept under a watchful eye just in case an intervention of some sort is necessary, for it can easily turn into the If My Friends Tell Me to Jump, I Jump Disorder. Its symptoms are questioning authority in ones home, refusal to listen to advice, causing unneeded problems, and is usually accompanied by a never ending bad attitude. This problem will solve itself after a time, but is very long lasting.

Stupid Teenager Disorder is wide spread and found in almost every teenager. Almost every kind of this disorder is accompanied by a bad attitude when asked to go against the disorders symptoms. Each disorder causes one to be defensive about their issue and to most likely deny or ignore the situation. Stupid Teenager Disorder is treatable and will usually wear off after about six to eight years give or take depending one the person.

By:  The Littlest

So there you have it. From a horse's mouth, so to speak. Any questions?

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  1. This is great! I will keep a watchful eye on my daughter because I hear this disorder is contagious...

  2. I think I am having teenage tendancies because I have the facebook/myspace is my life disorder....great writing, your girl is very talented!

  3. THAT was fantastic, very creative & too funny! Love hearing a teen's take on it, & quite frankly, kinda refreshing to know that THEY know, & aren't completely blind to these "disorders" hahahahaha!! Great post guys!


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