This may be the most unorganized behind schedule holiday I have ever not accomplished. I really haven't been able to get up the spirit to care in more than small spurts. I was hoping to have the drudge stuff behind me and settle in for some Peace on Earth this week. But over the weekend I had business hanging over my head. Needed to be taken care of business. The kind with lots of paperwork ....with cryptic stuff in it. Business that required using the phone. Calling people who didn't know the answer any more than I did to ask them to clarify the cryptic information.. The kind who keep repeating the phrase you need clarified as the clarification. One was eating potato chips while speaking to me, no joke. One of the reasons I hate using the phone is nerve deafness that causes certain tones and background noise to cause total confusion in me. The chips didn't help. At the end of the day I was still wearing yoga pants, a sweater with a hole in it, my slippers, blanky- to- go ( This is a voluminous fleece cape in an awful shade of brown that is old and disgusting but warm and comfy that I wear around the house when I'm cleaning or lazy. It predates Snuggies by years and has the added distinction of actually being outerwear which means I can drive the kids to school in it) anyway...And I really couldn't recall brushing my teeth that morning. TheSurfer had a long day too and when he came home......boy was I a princess for him to meet at the door. I fed everyone cinnamon toast for dinner, declared my brain dead and gave up for the night. I would start over tomorrow finding my Christmas Cheer.
I think there are two problems. One is that when the kids get older some of the magic is lost. They aren't in church pageants anymore. They aren't as excited. The other is that I have a rather large extended family. When my parents were alive we always had a full family celebration on Christmas Eve. It was noisy and crowded and a lot of fun. For many years I hosted it, When I passed on the reins I was glad to have a little less stress and work on the holidays and for things to be a little calmer at my house. But we still had the party. In September of last year my Mother passed away. It had been a very difficult year and we emerged from her death a fractured family. When Christmas came everyone seemed to want to just pass it quietly on their own. For various reasons this year has also been a difficult one for all of us. We still just don't seem to have it in us. It is kind of hard on the kids, they looked forward to the visiting and we don't really know what to do with ourselves.
So today I am trying to concentrate on the things that have helped.
1. Biggest always says she doesn't like Christmas and she hates decorations. Her new husband finally won me over completely by buying and hanging lights on their house. We went out and bought a tiny tree and some ornaments for it and delivered it as a surprise a couple weeks ago. Her Face lit up like a Christmas tree when she saw it and she called later to tell me she had it all finished and loved it.
2. Middlest doesn't like to be involved in anything that requires lifting a finger but she is the only one I have seen crack open a bible this week. So technically I guess she really wins.
3. While my family was all about decorating, my husbands was not. Outside belongs to him. There is nothing. Inside belongs to me and it is a Christmas explosion. Though I did leave off some stuff this year I got the main decorations going. Biggest hasn't participated in years. Middlest has sat on the couch and supervised for the last 3 years while Littlest and I did it all. While we were unwinding lights I told her," You know if anything ever happens to us these people will never have Christmas again". She agreed. She must have given it some thought. She is not the most tactful person, but she seemed a little thoughtful when she came to me and said, "This doesn't really sound right but since I'm the only one who helps you.........Um....Can I have the Christmas decorations when you die?"
They are hers. Hook, Star and Garland!
4.We shopped today and listened to Trans Siberian Orchestra in the car which always helps.
5. In the store the girls kept nudging me to look and I turned toward the toy section to see a big old soldier guy in fatigues with his arms full of hot pink Barbie paraphenalia.
6. The girls are baking cookies and just started singing carols together. Middlest has a lovely voice but has trouble with pitch unless she's accompanied.
7. Middlest just sang Silent Night by herself, in tune, it was lovely. I guess Christmas miracles do happen!
8. I guess it's starting to work because.......
9. I am feeling ready to join them. To enjoy our own Peace on this Earth. To remember what we are celebrating. To give ourselves fully to the Joy of the real gift of the season. To humble ourselves in the Glory. And be lifted by the Love. The Gift is this. I don't have to "get up the spirit" it is already there. Waiting to be acknowleged. Time to go.
10. Merry Christmas !
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