When I was 19 I had a decent job and I moved in with my boyfriend (later know as my husband The SeaMonkey) My parents weren't much on pushing, or directing, or even guiding. They would encourage. That was ok. I didn't have to argue with them because when I made my choices I was sure that I knew everything and I was always right. Many things I didn't give up on, I just never got around to them...yet. It worked out just fine. I have no regrets about my decisions. I also never had any doubt that if I had chosen a different path I would have succeeded as well.
But always at the back of my mind I wondered if I had been enouraged, pushed, or guided, or even directed, I would have chosen a different way. This put me in a conundrum, because if that had happened, I wouldn't be here and I wouldn't have......yeah.
So when I had my daughters I decided it would be best to encourage, of course, and absolutely to guide and to sometimes direct but not to push. That way I would know that they knew they had carefully considered all of their possibilities and followed the right path. Because I know everything and I am always right I knew that this would work beautifully.
On my very first post on this blog I wrote that the main thing I had learned as a parent is that in Nature verses Nurture; Nature Wins. I began the blog because having survived my oldest daughters decisions I was now dealing with The Middlests decisions. And still trying to encourage, direct and guide.
Long ago on this blog I also wrote a post called The Letter.
When Biggest was 19 she wrote her father and me a letter. While at that time she didn't use the words "you were right." She did use these:
"I know I've pulled a lot of stunts and I'm sure I'll have more, but thanx for always being there, and I'm sorry for those stunts. I know I put Ya'll through a lot"
"If I apologize for everything it will take a book so I hope you know all the things I did I'm sorry for and thankful that Ya'll still talk to me, and most of all I love you very much".
Thank You. You're a good girl and I love you.
My Middlest is turning 19 this week.
She called me and said;
I've had an epiphany. I saw what I have lost. Everything I threw away. I'm so sorry mom. I screwed up. I made so many mistakes and I screwed everything up. You were right. And I will listen to everything you tell me from now on because:
"You Do Know Everything."
"You Are Always Right."
But what do I say now? I have talked till I'm blue in the face, talked till I'm hoarse, talked to a wall, talked to myself. At this point what else is there to say?
I said, Thank You. Later, when she was here I told her, "you're a good girl and I love you." I also told her that it's not too late. It's never too late. Things may be harder. There are no quarantees. But. You never know unless you try. And only try if YOU want to. I say focus. Pick one thing to stick to. Then do it. That's all that's left for me to say. She does. For a day or so. Then more ideas come or return. She shoves them in her basket too. She'll get around to them. It's never too late. These are her decisions. I cannot choose them for her.
Over the past year Middlest has gone through a plethora of ideas. Her thoughts float out in all directions and waft away. They roll in and suck out like the tide only to roll back again. Become full and round then dwindle to crescents and swell full again.
She is turning nineteen. She hasn't given up on school. She has a decent job. Her boyfriend is in the process of buying a house and she's moving in with him. ( Any resemblance to her mother is purely a coincidence and means nothing ; )
I say: As long as you believe in it that is all that matters. As long as YOU are happy with the decisions that is all that matters. As long as you can feed yourself that is Really all that matters. Whatever you do will be alright, as long as you carry on.
I say Happy Birthday to My Moonlight!
...because my Moonshine don't sound quite right....
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