Wednesday, August 17, 2011

Please Pass the Nitroglycerin

This morning my husband got up earlier than me and left to work on one of our projects. I woke up a little later and did my usual cup of tea and check my blog and looked at my company bills. I did a little straightening up. Littlest was awake and I had promised to take her school shopping. It seemed strange to not be shopping for both of them and I thought I'd ask Mid to come along just for old times sake. About 8:30 and I popped into her room and called out, "Do you want to go with us today?" Nothing. She Was Not There. It was possible we had missed crossing paths so I yelled out her name. Nothing. I checked the porch. Nothing. I went back in her room. Her comforter was draped over her desk chair. The last place I saw her was at her desk last night around 10:30. Her bag was open on her bed. Pens and crumpled papers littered her sheets. This was not unusual. But her wallet was on the floor. I opened it. There was no ID and no money. That was unusual. I called up to Lit. Have you seen your sister? No. When did you see her last? Last night. Lit asks, "Is her bike here?"  Good question. I run out to the shed in my pajama's, certain that it would be gone and that she had undertaken some foolish journey in the middle of the night. Recently she dropped her MP3 player after work and had tried to ride up to look for it at 12:30 at night. On that occasion Littlest put her in a headlock and when she made a break for it she followed her out and locked her in the shed. Sometimes it's nice to have Littlest around because I don't lose much sleep. But Mid wasn't 18 yet when that happened. We don't have the power to tell her what to do but I do expect the respect of letting me know where she is and if she won't be home if she is living here. We were both puzzled. I start calling her phone. No answer. Someone had to have picked her up. But who? Dial- No answer. Sometimes she likes to wander outside at night. I have asked her not to because it is so secluded and random strangers have a habit of parking and partying at the end of the road. What if some creep grabbed her? Dial-No answer. What if that new guy she just met and barely knows and that I think is a Total Loser picked her up and has done something to her? Dial-No answer. What if she was hit by a car? Dial-No answer.What if she slipped out to a late party? Dial-no answer. I'll kill her! How could she be so stupid! Dial-No answer. But what if she got wasted and violated and murdered or killed in a car accident? Dial- No answer. Oh God, she's 18 now! I can't even report her missing for 24 hours! Dial-No answer. I don't want to call my husband because he is working on an important project and I don't want to get him all upset if she's just at a friends or something and didn't leave a note. I'll kill her! Dial-No answer. But I will have to tell him if I don't find her soon because something might have happened to her. Dial-No answer. "Lit, hack her FaceBook, see if there are any clues. I'm going to check our cell phone website and see what numbers she has contacted." Dial-No answer. My heart is racing a thousand miles an hour and my mind is racing between panic and enraged. I'm not sure which to pick. Dial-Answer. "Hello?"  Enraged, ok that's the one. I said a lot of Really Bad words within my inquiry into where the bleepity bleeping bleep she was. She Laughed. SHE WHAT? She bleepity bleeping thought it was bleeping FUNNY? She laughed again. I hear a GUY laughing too. Hello Space Station? That strange reading you just picked up was my blood pressure! Oh, you DO think it's funny?!

"Yes. Dads laughing too. We just came out to the car and I told him I have 12 missed phone calls from you. You were pissed. "

You think?

Apparently it occurred to my husband that he could use a hand on this job today and she is old enough to work for us now and she needed to make more money. So. She was working for us. That way I didn't have to be on site today. Wasn't that nice.  And they both forgot to tell me.

They were both bleepity bleeping A#$holes

It doesn't matter how old they are. A certain day may make you a legal adult but it doesn't make you any less someones child. At least to your mom. I'm in this for life. Right up until the moment they finally kill me.

© 2011 All Rights Reserved


  1. Oh Lord, you think just like I do! My kids were constantly telling me to "chill," "calm down," etc. Torn between fear for them and anger at them.

    Otherwise known as Motherhood.


  2. My daughter disappeared overnight at 16 (she was already through school and working). I did report her missing to the police. She had a legitimate excuse: helping out a stranded mother with three kids and no phone. However, I made her report herself found to the police. That did the trick! She always found a way to tell me after that.

  3. We'll see who's laughing when you get her microchipped and exile your husband to the couch to Contemplate His Irresponsible Behaviour. Honestly.

  4. I'd ground them BOTH! The nerve of them, making you worry like that and I wouldn't care how old either one of them are!

    Relieved this had a good outcome.

  5. Oh my. I would have been you. Imagining every awful scenario. Bet they won't forget to keep you in the loop next time! Glad everything ended up ok, except maybe the days you shaved off your lifespan with worry!

  6. Why do moms always think the worst first? I lost two years of my life just reading your post-LOL!

  7. Oh goodness! What an experience! I would've freaked out like you too! Thank God for what actually happened. And yes, we're in this for life!

  8. ethelmaepotter:I even spend time wondering when the youngest, who never gets in trouble, will do something Really Huge to make up for it!

    Elizabeth: Hey Elizabeth, nice to 'see' you : ) That's funny! My oldest used to disappear on me frequently so I'm super paranoid.

    Bibliomama: You are so right! Problem is, if I microchip any of them I will be glued to the GPS in case something happens.

    Ms. A:I DID! But they didn't listen to me : )

    Mel:Truly, it's been 24 hours and I don't think my blood pressure has gone down yet.

    Susan: My instincts are usually good but since it's normally impossible to get past Littlest everything went haywire!

    mom2kiddos: A drastically shortened life when it comes to my kids and apparently my husband now too!: )

  9. Oh my goodness....I could feel MY blood pressure rising just reading that! I have a feeling they're going to get an earful when they get home. I'm so glad it had a happy ending!

  10. In the moment, I would have been bleepity bleeping too, but after the fact you KNOW you're gonna laugh!

  11. Totally with you - we can't help it!

    Btw, I had to laugh for about half an hour because when I read that your husband needed "a hand at his job," I misread it as something else, which did not seem to fit the story at all...;).

    Sorry I've been absent this summer - it's been a crazy one, but we are finally in one place, in one house, and I hope to get all caught up on your news :).


  12. Mommie Dearest: Oh, they did. But they got most of it over the phone!

    blueviolet: Well. I'm working on it : )

    Peryl: oH Bleepity Bleep. I didn't notice thAT!nOW i'M LAUGHING! I'm sure you have been overwhelmed. That is a big change but I'm happy to see you 'out' again : )

  13. I think you would feel better if you would substitute "bleepity bleep bleep" for the real words :)
    But really, too funny! I'm sorry, I know you were scared, but I'm with your bleepity bleep bleep daughter: funny!

  14. Sandra: Oh I did in real life! I just don't want Blogger to shut me down for misclassifying my blog. It would have looked like a profanity thesaurus : )

  15. Ditto, ditto, ditto. I have all men (boys) in my house and they just don't get what being a mother is all about.

    They have learnt though that mum being severely pissed is just not worth the pain so now they leave me a note, send me a text or ring me - hubby too. I've had too many experiences of raised blood pressure, being a mum is hard work sometimes.

  16. Fi: They both dummied out on this occasion. I've had the sisters tell me they thought the other filled me in but this is the first time Dad got in trouble : )

  17. Rotfl!!!whew! That was a relief. I know you were having a fit. I surely would have.


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