Saturday, July 31, 2010

Thursday, July 29, 2010

Fly Bye

I was 5. It was so early it was still dark and I was awakened quietly to say goodbye. Groggy,  I stood on the bed and reached my arms out. All was darkness. I could not see you, but I felt the rough fabric of the uniform beneath my hands and the warmth of your cheek. Your hair no longer sweeping my face as you bent for a kiss but shorn beneath a cap. The low rumble of your voice beside my ear....I love you, goodbye. I carried this in my minds eye waiting patiently as was wished, until you were safely home.

I was 9. Suddenly you were Home! And you picked up where you left off.....being my hero.

I was 24. I fully understood the problem and was saddened and helpless about it. I was used to the drinking but now sometimes your eyes were lifeless. I stop by. You are laying on the couch. You are cold and clammy and sweating profusely. I say "whatever you are doing stop it". Please. Just stop. I kiss you goodbye. Whatever it was seemed to stop and the you  that had a soul came back but the drinking never stopped. The damage to your body from the years of alcohol was done.

I was 30. When the call comes in the middle of the night, just by chance I am not at home but out of town and actually closer to where you are than the rest of us. I would get there first, I would be there.  As we drove through the dark I prayed, in time, in time, please.

As I was walking in a cloud of unreality, through the front doors,  you were leaving. They would not let me go farther. I stood there, waiting patiently as they wished. And moments later they said, "we're sorry, we're sorry, no."
 And you were alone. I could not reach could this be?

As we drove away that morning the sun was rising over fields of green going gold. The light rising in tandem with our forward journey.  I saw the rays light up their wings like sparks shooting upward as they circled and soared and I smiled. At that moment I heard the first notes of the song burst through to me and I reached to turn the knob up until it engulfed me, carrying me with it for awhile and opened the window to fly along  through the morning because I knew...
God had allowed you to pause and soar just long enough
To say goodbye.

Google Video

The lyrics to this song were so appropriate to my brother and the situation that I am still stunned by this experience and it is the single most painful but powerfully spiritual moment of my life.

my brother
There for me
All of the things
Big brothers should be
Johnny my brother
Ten feet tall
Or so it seemed
When I was small
Dec 1954-July 1996

My brother loved nature and had great admiration for birds.  He was very quiet and none of us ever really understood why he was the way he was. He was different. He did not seem cut out for this world.
        He made terrible mistakes. He was an alcoholic from his teens.
We loved him.                 

 © 2010 All Rights Reserved

Learning To Fly
By David Gilmore for Pink Floyd

Into the distance, a ribbon of black
Stretched to the point of no turning back
A flight of fancy on a windswept field
Standing alone my senses reeled
A fatal attraction holding me fast, how
Can I escape this irresistible grasp?
Can't keep my eyes from the circling skies
Tongue-tied and twisted Just an earth-bound misfit, I
Ice is forming on the tips of my wings
Unheeded warnings, I thought I thought of everything
No navigator to guide my way home
Unladened, empty and turned to stone
A soul in tension that's learning to fly
Condition grounded but determined to try
Can't keep my eyes from the circling skies
Tongue-tied and twisted just an earth-bound misfit, I
Above the planet on a wing and a prayer,
My grubby halo, a vapour trail in the empty air,
Across the clouds I see my shadow fly
Out of the corner of my watering eye
A dream unthreatened by the morning light
Could blow this soul right through the roof of the night
There's no sensation to compare with this
Suspended animation, A state of bliss
Can't keep my eyes from the circling skies
Tongue-tied and twisted just an earth-bound misfit, I

Tuesday, July 27, 2010

Our House: Do I Hear Brass....?...

I'm having a busy work week and next week I have to travel some for work so I won't be around much. Still I have to get in my moon music and later in the week I have one more elegy to post so I can make everyone cry again. That's just July for me, thanks for hanging out anyway. But then July will be over and I'm going to try to post the memes from the Awards <- ( Be sure to visit this post if you haven't) next week in between trips. If I'm slow to comment back or visit it's because I plain am not here : ) But I'll try to catch up quick : )

On with the show!....did I ever tell you my husband played the trombone in high school......??

Overheard In The Hall.
Littlest: Cupcake is missing!!
(Several days ago. Still haven't found her. 2 lb. hamster. Teeth like a beaver. Cats all seem to have limbs still intact.)

Overheard floating down the stairs:
Me Someone, I don't know who: Did he poo? Were there rocks in it?

Overheard in the kitchen
[Biggest, Middlest and Myself.]

Me: Look, I got a crock pot!

Big: You did? We need a crock pot.

Me: Yep, I looked around at all the things we were spending money on, puppies, stuff for puppies, your dad keeps buying things and then I thought of all the things I haven't bought that I would like but didn't want to spend money on because they weren't necessary. So the other night I told your dad, I think I'm going to buy a crock pot and he mumbled, I don't want to talk about crock pots right now I'm going to sleep.

So I said.....Ok.

And the next day I went and bought a crock pot.

Mid: We need tampons. Mom didn't buy tampons. She asked me a few weeks ago and I said no, I have enough but I will need more later. Now I don't have tampons.

Me: You didn't tell me it was later.

Big: [to Mid] You have a crock pot!

Mid: Yeah, we have crock pots, puppies and powdered donuts.... but we Don't Have Tampons!!!!

[ Not high on my priority list of things to remember anymore these days. Diet Soda, Cookies, Donuts...yes, Tampons, No. Anyone else noticing a pattern here?]

I don't have a lot of recipes for crock pots. Does anyone know how they work with Hamburger Helper?

How bored were my daughters the other day? Littlest took a perilous journey into a closet I haven't seen the back of in 5 years and found treasure.
Overheard In The Living Room.
[ I had only 2 hours of sleep ( between the hot flashes, peeing and in this case puppy too it was futile..anyway) and was "resting my eyes". I thought I was dreaming.]

Lit: No, you can't use them. I'm doing it.

Mid: I want to do it too.

Lit: You won't do it right.

Mid: I can do what I want.

Lit: You have to be able to make something with wings.
      You can't. All you can make are the ones that look like square buildings.

Mid: So, I want to make a building.

Lit: No. They belong to me. It has to be a spacecraft! Those are the rules!

Mid: I'm making a building.

Lit: No!!

Mid: With Wings.

What were they doing?

Why what you would imagine any Average Normal Typical Girls who are soon approaching 15 and 17 years of age would be doing on a summer afternoon......

Playing with Lego's.

Did you know Littlest can draw too? Her art has a way of appearing in odd places...and being odd....
Littlest drew this. I know what it is...not because I actually want to but...anyway...

This says Evil Saltshaker->
                             (That's not a hint)

I don't think they normally wear a fez but , What is it? Who can tell me? You are a Rock Star in the Kingdom of Weirdom if you know.

I live in the all female version of this, let me know how I look. I'll be basking......

Moon Music

Madness on iTunes

© 2010 All Rights Reserved

Saturday, July 24, 2010

Then They Blow Me Away

I wasn't planning on posting today but something happened yesterday that made me so proud as a parent that I want to keep this post up forever.  I write a lot about my frustration with my kids but this is the Other side of the Grounded Girls.

Last year I read about  Operation Beautiful which is a lovely idea to support girls and women in loving themselves as they are. The concept is that you leave notes in public places such as on restroom mirrors that say, You Are Beautiful and similar positive messages about self worth.

Middlest loved the idea and became a secret "note leaver" at her school. She didn't tell me she was doing it. I just noticed a stack of pre-written sticky notes on her bag one day and was very pleased with her.

What I didn't realize was that it did not stop with the school year. Apparently they both have been continuing this everywhere they go over the summer. Most often the library and a favorite fast food hangout they are regulars at. They have been regularly hitting the stalls at the library and Littlest who is never content to stick with the original plan also began planting these notes in the books on depression and eating disorders. Middlest liked this idea too and they look for any books people may seek out when they are down or troubled.
They also have been leaving the notes on a very regular basis in the restroom at the fast food place.

So yesterday they hopped on their bikes to head out to the library and get a soda on what I didn't realize was a double mission. When they came home they were very happy and tickled at something they wanted to share with me. That was when they told me what they were up to and....that when they reached the fast food restroom they had been surprised to find...a message in return stuck to the mirror.

You Are Spreading Smiles!

They created some at home too.
Through all the Wishes we have for our children. The things we hope they will accomplish in life.
For me the Greatest Wish is for what kind of heart and spirit they carry within them as people.

I am so Very Proud of their Kind and Beautiful Hearts. This Wish is shaping up nicely.
This Dandelion is Blown Away.

© 2010 All Rights Reserved

Thursday, July 22, 2010

Yes, I Have No Bananas! But I Got Something Else For You ; )

I have two awards that have been burning a hole in my blog. I've been so swamped lately that I have all I can do to keep up with posting and reading and I haven't been able to keep up with that consistently but I really wanted to do these because they are from Terrific Bloggers and they both have really fun memes. In this case I will be doing the memes separately in different blog posts so that this isn't the longest post in even my history.

Giving out awards can be tricky. Who do you decide to pass on to. My blog world is pretty small and a lot of the blogs I follow already follow each other. Sometimes I look and the blogger already has the award and I read a lot of blogs that don't participate in awards. I will still include them  sometimes to give them out a shout out so others can find them too.
Then there are the bloggers who are so funny and talented that passing to them is kind of like Junior High and approaching the really cool girls to see if they want to hang out at your house after school. Because my time is limited, I am slow to add to my reading list and have given out awards to a whole lot of the blogs I follow already and when I find a new one I haven't been following long and include it in awards is like bringing a cake to the new neighbors. Will they be thrilled to be welcomed or are they hiding behind the door pretending they aren't home because they really are the kind of people who like sit quietly and read by the fire. Or maybe like me they find it very hard to pick out specific blogs when everyone they read is unique and wonderful in their own way.

So... I have my No Strings policy. Enjoy the Recognition.
Accept if you like and pass on if you want to.

I would like to Thank a very cool chick
mommymommymommy at KISS (Keep It Simple Sister)  who has bestowed the Oh My Blog Award upon me. ( And has the Coolest Profile Icon Ever )
 I Love this meme and simply can't resist it. The rules are a hoot!
When I read her "music of my childhood" it was just like running in to someone from my old neighborhood and remembering sitting on the couch together after school and watching tv.
She is recovering from rotator cuff surgery which has to be incredibly painful so make sure to go by and wish her a speedy recovery.

When it comes to passing along Everyone on my blog roll is invited to participate because you are all cool chicks! But in this case, as rule state, I also would like to Recognize 3 blogs.
2 I have followed for awhile.
The Empress at  Good day, Regular People
The Mayor at  Crazy Town
Because they are really cool, popular chicks and they are still nice enough to hang out with me sometimes.
And 1 a newer find:
 Elissa at  Birch Swinging  Because she is like the cool girl sitting in the desk next to you when you realize you are both snickering at the same thing and then you spend the rest of the year trying not to get caught passing notes.

The rules of the Award are:

1. Get really excited that you got the coolest award EVER!

2. Choose ONE of the following options of accepting the OMB award:
(a) Get really drunk and blog for 15 minutes straight, or for as long as you can focus.
(b) Write about your most embarrassing moment.
(c) Write a “Soundtrack of your childhood” post.
(d) Make your next blog a ‘vlog’/video blog. Basically, you’re talking to the camera about whatever.
(e) Take a picture of yourself first thing in the morning, before you do anything else (hair, make up,
etc) and post it.

3. Pass the award on to at least three, but preferably more, awesome bloggers as yourself.

And I also Thank
Lee The Bubble Bath Queen at The Life and Loves of the Bubble Bath Queen
Another terrific blogger and fine owner of one of those mysterious treasures, a teenage girl.
And she is also a very cool chick.

For the

Which is another award I have deeply coveted.
The official rules are:

List 6 things you are really good at and pass on to 6 other wonderful bloggers.

But in this case I'm using my rules.
I would like to Recognize Every blogger who visits this post because you are a Kick Ass Friend for stopping by!
Don't panic. No Strings applies except for one: You have to admit you were here by leaving a comment. That's all.

But if you do decide to participate let me know because I would love to read what you have to say in these memes and see who else you think is great and find more great blogs I should be reading.

Enjoy All You Cool People, see you after school or if you don't answer the door I'll just leave the cake on the porch.
And then I'll hide behind a tree. And when you come out I'll jump at you and scream AH HA!

Tuesday, July 20, 2010

Got An Hour To Do Something Awesome?

Yesterday I stopped by Silver Strands. If you have not visited her before please pop straight over and watch her video about the things this Awesome and Lovely woman is doing to support her mother through her battle with cancer and the side effects of treatment. This week she has a special wish. She is organizing a 1000 crane project for her Mom. You know the kids are driving you nuts, what nicer way to keep them busy for an hour and learn a new project if they haven't tried it before. My Littlest is an expert crane maker and I've been instructed to head out and buy some pretty paper. All the details are Right Here.

Lets see how far we can blow some Dandelion seeds!
© 2010 All Rights Reserved

Sunday, July 18, 2010

Grounding 101 (Or what the heck happened Thursday)

Early Thursday I published this tiny post  EVERYONE Is GROUNDED This was not a major grounding. No life changing - ground shaking events took place. It was what I call a graduated or low level grounding. Just a one day,  for the day your life is mine kind of grounding.

And it starts like this........

First you allow them to have a friend sleep over which is fine. Then they stay up half the night which is fine.
In the morning there are girls spread all over the living room which is fine. Then even though your kids get up eventually their friend continues to lay sprawled across the couch....until two o'clock in the afternoon. Which isn't a huge deal but after awhile sitting on the kitchen chairs all day starts to get a little old. I considered yelling Fire and I suggested a bucket of water at one point but Middlest just laughed even though......I wasn't entirely joking......anyway not a problem really, she eventually got up and then proceeded to seem like she was never leaving....I didn't specify a time so I can't say much and then Middlests' boyfriend showed up without warning and dinner time was approaching and I didn't have enough planned for an extra child but in the nick of time the friends boyfriend shows up to get her.
They all decide to go to Smoothie King.....without asking first.......20 minutes before dinner......
I notice that they all are going out the door and since Mids boyfriend has to go to work I figure they can't be long and decide to be magnanimous and call out, ok but you don't have long you need to get it and come straight back.
Then I walk in the living room and noticed It Is Trashed!  *Sigh* Oh well, they have to pick up when they get back.
So an hour and 15 later I text: Time to come home.
To which I get: Why?
So I say: you didn't ask in the first place so don't push it.
And then proceed to get in an "but I didn't hear that" and I thought Littlest told you we were going and I thought Middlest told you argument back."
So I said: (Continuing to be magnanimous.)You were not in trouble for going you will be in trouble for arguing; Come. Home.
They do and pick up the mess but in an hour they are sitting in there again.

Ok. Now I have two over tired teens who were up all night and myself who has been up since 4 A.M. sitting on kitchen chairs and chasing a puppy.

Happily tucked in my bed at 9 ready to relax I get an angry Mid bursting into our room *Demanding* I do something about the argument she is having with Littlest. They are fighting over the computer. They have to share one now because one of them downloaded some kind of mess on the "good" computer which is for business and they can't use it. Anyway.......Solution: No More Computer Tonight. For anyone.
To which Littlest decides it's a good time to get in a stand off with me about the computer and ends up losing her phone and Nintendo as well.
Soooo she goes in to find Mid and then they........ Get in a fight over the TV.
Solution: No more TV for the night.
So they went in their rooms and painted. Whew, Peace at last.

Shiny new morning
I am up at 5 with the puppy because the children....well they are tired, I will continue to be magnanimous.  I'll let it go for awhile but when they get up I tell them they need to get their chores done, pick up their stuff, vacuum, trash, morning dishes. I have some important work to take care of in the office. And a blog post to write.

Later I go up to get something to drink and find that every glass in the house has been used between dinner dishes the night before and 10 in the morning. The kitchen has not been touched. The trash is overflowing.
I wander towards the living room passing random piles of flip flops, crumpled papers and art supplies strewn across the dining room table. The coffee table is obliterated by chip bags, cookie packages, dirty plates and glasses. The carpet confettied with crumbs. Two blanket covered heaps are snugly ensconced on the couch staring through half slit eyes as the tv blares.

Sooo I say: You guys need to get up and clean up this mess and finish your chores.

To which I get 2 sets of rolled eyes, a "humph" noise and a very snotty "I'm in the middle of watching a show and I was getting ready to go somewhere" followed by a peanut gallery of "I'm tired, I'll do it later" followed by a response of  I'm not doing it if she's not."

Which is when magnanimous turns in to magnanimosity.

And to which any Mom out there, particularly the ones who have teens or stopped by my blog early Thursday, know what the answer was.

And then they did their work and took charge of the puppy for the rest of the day and I returned to my office to finish my very important work. And catch up on my blog reading.

© 2010 All Rights Reserved

Thursday, July 15, 2010

Being Prepared

I wrote about my father last month for fathers day but I didn't tell the whole story because I wanted to save something for this month. I have lost the women in my family in September. With both it was the right time to go. July is when I lose the men of my family. Neither one was ready to go.

My father passed away in July 2001.

People often find it strange that I don't mind hospitals, I am very comfortable there. I also have very little fear of death. They sometimes seem to think I seem under concerned. This is not true. It is simply that I take these things as a matter of course. Part of everyday life. You see I was prepared at an early age to accept the possibility of death for my loved ones. Most particularly my parents and especially my father.

  The summer I was 10 going on eleven my mother had cancer and had surgery followed by radiation treatment. My father took care of me of course and I remember he took me shopping for some clothes because school would be starting soon. While we were there a police officer approached him and began to speak with him but I couldn't hear. Concerned I moved closer and heard my father reply, "no I think I have heartburn." "You're very pale, said the officer, are you sure you feel alright." My dad said he was fine but he told me he was ready to go because he didn't feel well. What was happening? A warning sign. Signaling the heart attack he had about a week later. Just as my mom came home.
  I spent a whole lot of that year in the hospital snack bar. It was my haven. I feel perfectly at ease in hospitals and around illness. The one my parents were in that year feels as familiar to me as the home of an old family friend. Over the years he was in this hospital in ICU multiple times. His heart was very damaged. He needed bypass surgery more than once. He changed his lifestyle dramatically which is why he survived as long as he did. He passed away just shy of being 76. He was a fighter. His cardiologist called him his miracle man. He made it to walk his last child, myself, down the aisle and see all 10 of his grandchildren born.

In the end he still was not ready to go.
From the time I was ten I was prepared for my father to die. What I wasn't prepared for was .....

Looking at you coming in one day and seeing a thin and frail man standing there. A fringe of fully gray hair.
Your hands and arms with thin skin often with ugly bruises from years of blood thinners. The wide back becoming narrow and slightly stooped. You still seemed the same most of the time and I was caught off guard from time to time when I focused on this fragility. Something that had never been part of you before.  One of those moments when you suddenly see the change that has been slowly progressing over a long time without really being noticed. What I was not prepared for was seeing you age. Watching you become old. Seeing you be "unable". You didn't like it much either. We teased a little when you decided to wear slippers even when you left the house, not out in public of course but if you were coming over to visit. But you earned that right.

I wasn't prepared for the day I came by to help with housework and was surprised at how far behind you had become. Mom was still working and was concerned because you no longer could keep up these little chores or felt up to cooking the wonderful dishes you would prepare for her and her co-workers to enjoy at lunch. Something you deeply enjoyed because it added some socializing to your day after you had retired.
The last painting stood on the easel unfinished. It took you forever to finish a painting so it was a couple of months before I noticed that nothing had been changed at all. "Haven't really felt like it you said".
I bleached the bathroom. When I came out I mentioned a new product I was using that might help with it it. You sat in the chair in your usual posture, arms and legs both crossed. You had the saddest look on your face. I could always tell you had to search for words to explain things. You would talk around an issue.
You said, " I really haven't been doing so well Sweetheart."
Well I was used to that. "Have you talked to the doctor," I asked
"Yes," you answered, "he knows."
You just sat there with that look. You looked at the floor.
 "Well maybe you should talk to him again," I told you. Being matter of fact as always.
 You nodded, "I guess so..."
  Was I refusing to hear what you were saying without words?  No, I knew what you were saying and also that you did not wish for it to be said. I bustled and fussed with my work. Told you to call your doctor and kissed you goodbye. You had already talked to your doctor.
What you were saying was, I am dieing.

  In the last weeks in the hospital you still refused to give up. Insisting on a pacemaker even though it was risky and could only possibly provide you a few more months. You convinced yourself that it would "do the trick." It didn't of course. The doctors kept giving us that look. We knew but at the same time had our own denial. We had heard it many times before and it had been for nothing. During that time the kidneys were failing. The doctors put you on dialysis. I think they tried to tell you but you made plans anyway. You asked if I would be able to drive you in to town for it and were very insistent that Mom would not be capable of it. You said, "Because your Mom.....she probably won't be up to it......she hasn't driven up there in a while". Was this a hint? Were you already seeing the first signs but didn't want to say? Were you protecting her?

You were convinced you would be coming home when you healed from the pacemaker. You didn't have the time to heal. But you were able to breathe better and speak with us easier for a few days. We weren't there. All the hours in that place over the years and years and none of us were there during that one. You were improving some. We could take a breath. You so insisted you were doing fine that you fooled us. You seemed fine that morning. No one got to say goodbye. You had talked to each of us in turn in the previous weeks. We learned later that you had privately spoke with each of us. It had seemed casually, you spoke of things we should do in our future. I know what you told me to do and I'm sorry I haven't done it yet. You told our loved like a sister S to remarry and find a good man. You know she has. You told Biggest to be good. Losing you didn't help. But you see her now. All of us got our message and didn't even realize it because you would not admit you were going anywhere.

I had the dream though. Probably my own unconscious mind consoling itself. There was that hallway. Peach with green bumper walls. Clean clean clicking floors. Last door on the right just past the nurses station. You are walking out of the room. You are wearing your burgundy robe with green paisley pattern and your favorite brown leather slip on slippers. Your skinny white legs that you hid for years seem to be of no concern. Your hands are in your pockets. There is no IV pole with you. You are strolling down the hall. You nod to the nurses at the station and turn so that I see you grinning from ear to ear. You are leaving that hospital forever. You feel fine. You are happy. You are ready to go now. Your face reads "I am out of here, and that is is absolutely fine....very, very fine."
You were prepared.

© 2010 All Rights Reserved


Not you.....everyone at my house.

That's all.

© 2010 All Rights Reserved

Friday, July 9, 2010

This Makes Me Smile

I don't know if others in my tiny microcosm of blogging are familiar with this but I just love it.
Biggest shared it with me because she loves Kimya Dawson whose music you may be familiar with if you've seen the movie Juno.

Wednesday, July 7, 2010

Meet My Summer Vacation

  I should know better than to give my family a challenge. I also am making a hypocrite of myself (again) because I mentioned in a post a few months ago that I refused to raise anything more complicated than sea monkeys. I was terribly disappointed that we were not able to visit the mountains this year so my family decided we should get a summer project to keep me busy. Since one of my cats, my 17 year old sweetheart passed away in September I've made a half hearted joke or two that a kitten might be nice but we still have 4 cats and until recently 2 dogs and a couple of hamsters. ( So much for my teasing Biggest about her zoo) Anyway.....
  When our 12 year old golden retriever passed away I said "no more dogs for now." One Big Dog really is enough and we really don't know how much longer he will be with us. He is nine years old. Then our other old Big Dog started moaning. Every Day. He walks to the glass door looks out moans lays back down. He didn't want to go out by himself. He didn't want to play. He lost his appetite. He lost his buddy. The one who has always been there. The one who even when he was getting old and too sore and stiff to play jump around and knock you over would lay on the ground and play kicky feet and mouth wrestle.  He has his own kitty that he likes to clean and snuggle but it's not much fun to play chase with because he runs over it and then it gets mad and doesn't want to play anymore.
So anyway......
  I said No Dogs........I loved my golden retrievers and have owned two. They are wonderful dogs but can be hyper active puppies. Which means you need extra energy to keep up with them. I am tired. But then just for the sake of pipe dreams and making it clear that (almost) No Amount of cuteness would sway me....I threw in ..." The Only Way is:  unless you can find The Only particular kind of dog that I have ever seen besides my retrievers and thought "If I ever get a chance I would love one of those dogs, a Swissy." because I knew there was No Chance of me Ever getting one of those dogs.....

I should no better than to give my family a challenge.

Because my husband started looking "just for fun".

So I said: They are too expensive.
And they said: We had money set aside for the vacation we can't go on. Aww...Look at the pictures
And then I said: ..Oh's a puppy....and then...
I said: Big Dog isn't real excited about other dogs. Or at least not yappy or super hyper dogs. Which is why we can't just get any dog. We have to be careful with which type of dog we get. We have to look for specific type and temperament to make sure we don't have problems.
And they said: These take a lot of work but they are working dogs. They aren't yappy and don't seem extremely hyper and they get to be Huge Dogs so when they are grown they can hold their own in the chase you and knock you down game with Big Dog.
And I already know that because it's one of the reasons I like them.....
And I looked at the picture and thought....oh look it's a puppy......

And then they said:  'Look it's a YouTube video of Swissy puppies playing! Hey "Big Dog" look it's puppies!'
And no kidding Big Dog heard the puppy noises on the speakers and dragged himself out from where he was languishing under the desk and watched the puppies. And tilted his head back and forth in a cute manner. And whimpered. And went and looked in the other room behind the computer to see if the puppies we there. And it became his favorite show. The kids would call him and say 'you want to see your puppies?' and he would run in and set his chin on the desk and watch "his puppies."
So I said: That is very sweet and also kind of heart breaking but they aren't very common and there may not be any nearby. I've only come across one real one my entire life. It lives in the mountains we visit and I always make sure to visit him when I'm there. And it's still too expensive....aww look....puppies!

So my husband started to research breeders. Just. For. Fun.
And he found some close enough to reach in a two day trip! aww look...I mean....No..or maybe..Ok..!
And began contacting some.
but they had no puppies.....over and over. They had waiting lists. There are not a lot of litters each year for this breed. What a shame.....See I said.

I should no better than to challenge my family.

Because: Because suddenly.....why yes. Someone had one male available. They usually have a waiting list. But they have had two people apply for him so far but one was unable to take him in the end and the other didn't have adequate facilities and they had to deny the application. He would be available in 3 weeks when he is 8 weeks old.  But they let us know he is not show quality. He has one blue eye. That disqualifies him for showing.

and makes him cheaper

He is "pet quality".

which is what we....I mean They...wanted anyway.

But....oh it's a puppy! And by chance we have the facilities, time availability and the background with dogs, not to mention a special "in" at the vet so our application was accepted.

So meet my Summer Vacation

One I have always wanted to have and will be on for many years.

I chose a name with Swiss origins because that's where his breed originated and I like to do that with my dogs. I love his one blue eye which means he's "flawed" Which of course makes him "Perfect" for "Us".

                                   Can't Get The Red Eye Out of the Blue Eye, Don't Know Why.

  It's been 9 years since we've had a puppy around here. This is not an easy dog. The younger girls were too little to participate in training last time. This is going to be a Huge Dog and a Huge Responsibility.  I have to be Alpha Dog and Alpha Mom. He has special rules about everything from feeding to playing. We have had him since last Wednesday and he's 9 weeks old now. For a crazy cat lady I am spending  a lot of time familiarizing myself with breed specific food allergies and suggested training techniques. I have to remind everyone that even though ...Aww it's a puppy....we have to follow the rules. I keep correcting everyone and waving the pamphlet in front of them explaining 'you need to read the directions' like he's a box of macaroni and cheese. Never forgetting that even though Big Dog seems pleased with "his puppy" He still needs love and attention too.  I can't wear good clothes until he is broke of pulling on pants and skirts with his teeth and am wandering around looking like a crazed ditch digger with muddy paw prints all over my shirt, my pony tail pulled askew because it looks just like a chew rope and grass between my toes from running outside every twenty minutes for "potty training'. We are running ourselves ragged being thrown back into the world of feeding schedules plus safety precautions in the house. My floor is littered with toys.   My husband actually nudged me at 5:30 A.M. and mumbled, "it's your turn" because the 'baby' was crying.

The cats are thrilled.....

But so am I cause....
AWWWW.....Look.....It's a PuPPy!!!

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Thursday, July 1, 2010

In To July

June has slipped through my fingers
A suntan oiled palm
Slipping out of my grasp
 to bask in sweat soaked July.
In haste to higher altitude
 this past, a time to remember
Held vaulted in film canisters
Waiting on my kitchen counter
 for lackluster rebirth
The summer child
notched in a doorframe
Two more to be etched
as milestones passed
After the Star Spangled evening.
I have yet to taste the salt
To gather the sun glittered
abandomed homes of sea life
To slowly drip a medieval castle
But I will do these things
Finish this heat induced scavenger hunt
The summer a shimmering runway I traverse
I fly at the end to Fall
Merely a mirage
As I crash land in the heat
Of my home town.

I wrote this many, many years ago. The circumstances are not the same every year but the feeling, it is.

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